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We would like to complete our family by adopting one little boy from within the foster care system. We have two biological daughters - ages 2 & 12.
Some people have advised us to only consider adopting a boy 2 years old (the same age as our youngest daughter) or younger. My husband feels that this is the safest route to protect our youngest daughter.
I cannot help but wonder we should be more open minded and consider adopting a boy up to the age of seven, but only accept a boy with a gentle, kind disposition who would be a great big brother to our youngest daughter.
I would love to hear candid feedback from experienced members on here about this.
Do kind, gentle, healthy boys (who can be trusted 100% with a toddler girl) become available for adoption through the foster care system? I think/hope so, but wanted to ask those more experienced.
This is our first time adopting and working with the foster care system.
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I would recommend doing respite and then you can see some of the foster kids issues at different ages. If you do not see it in your home you will see some of it on paper. The kids are in a honeymoon period during respite, but some of them can't honeymoon for very long if they have severe problems and you will see what you could be dealing with at different ages.
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I think only you can determine what the right age of a child to bring into your family is. I would also say that there are never 100% guarantees in life under any circumstances. Whether you have a biological child or adopt you never have a 100% guarantee that the child will be healthy, kind, gentle, etc.
"Do kind, gentle, healthy boys (who can be trusted 100% with a toddler girl) become available for adoption through the foster care system? I think/hope so, but wanted to ask those more experienced."
Probably not. If they exist, they are adopted by foster family. You need to be realistice and understand that children in foster care, no matter the age have been damaged by the experience and come from unhealthy families. It does not mean they cannot become kind, gentle, healthy boys but it is highly doubtful they will come to you that way. They have been damaged in ways that may not be immediately noted and can take months or years to surface.
I agree on the comment about all kids having issues regardless of age..with that being said, I also believe they can over come issues with love and consistency..my AD had HORRIBLE behaviors at age 3, and now she is what I would consider a "normal" 8 yo...
I also agree on you should do respite to see how the chld fits with your family...
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