never knew I was adopted until I was 20...

I'm new to this and glad that I found this site. I'm happy that I found others like me who were ignorantly enjoying their life, knew firmly who they are, and where they come from, but to have our worlds shattered by those few words "you're adopted." It's been six years since I found out I was adopted. After my amom told me, I was in disbelief and didn't know how to accept the fact that she wasn't my biological mom. I always felt different from my siblings which I thought was bc I was the "baby" of the family and we had different fathers. I wasn't expecting that we also had different mothers. My mom was MY MOM and her history and heritage was mine also. I was Puerto Rican... but now I'm really Mexican. At least I'm still Latino, but it's different nevetheless. I'm glad that she's my mom, but I'm unhappy and upset that it took 20 years to reveal to me my true identity. It changed who I am. I really never took the time to understand what happened to me after that event. Instead, I focused on my college education. Although the following year, my amom took me to Mexico to see if we can find any info about my bparents, but bc of poor record keeping it was unsuccessful. But I still have one hope left. The hospital that I was born was run by nuns and one of those nuns is friends with my mom and knows who my bparents are, but can't tell me who they are for legal or divine reasons, not sure. Well a few years later, I started to get depressed and was overwhelmed with loneliness. It took me awhile to know that these feelings where coming from me not dealing with the issues of my adoption. I was raised to be strong and thankful for what you have in life, but nothing prepared me to how to deal with these feelings which are valid and real and very hard to deal with. I can't just "shake it off" or "get over it" like how some people tell me to do, it's deeper than anyone knows except for those I've read in the forums here. I finally found people who I can relate to and know that I'm not alone with these feelings. I know that adoption is difficult for everyone involved and it's a life long healing process, but for me who found out late in life is a deep mental breakdown that I don't know how to put into words just yet. I had a firm grip of who I am and now I can't even grasp what I truly believe. It's like the essential core of your being is empty and transparent. I only hope my amom can understand what I'm really going through, even though she supports and encourages me to find my bparents, and that keeping my adoption a secret for so long was really more harmful than good for me. I don't fully blame her for what I'm going through now bc what I learn so far in life is that many things are the opposite of what you think like when you do something that you think is right can actually be wrong and vice versa, so we just try to do what's best and apologize when we are wrong. I just hope that time will heal all the angriness, loneliness, hurt, depression, and anguish that I feel. My prayers and heart goes for all of us here who's having a tough time with their sruggles with adoption.