Should I listen to my mom?

That is a tough one. Your mom is right in that your sister might not know and it could be devastating to find out. On the other hand to my understanding there are registries that you can look her up on or even put your info out there in case she is looking. Good luck. Others will have more info for you.

There are many adoptees who feel the way your mom does... i.e. "I don't want to disturb their life", "I may be a secret"... it's a wonder that anyone finds each other. I think you should read up on reunions. There is a wonderful one called The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide and another called Birthright. Both are a very good place to start.

You should search for her - she is your sister. Talking to her parents first would let you know if she knows she is adopted, and they might even be willing to be the one to tell her you are looking. I would love to have my half siblings want to get to know me but they don't...Dickons

Try encouraging your mom to also sign up on the registries. The info she left behind may no longer there and your sister maybe searching.

My birthson is 34. I tried to make it easy for him to find me, believing it was up to him. He never found the info but about several years ago registered here and left his info. When I wandered in last year and registered I found his info, including his name. I then contacted his aparents who contacted him. (This is the short version.) In conversations later, we discovered that both of us were waiting for the other to make a contact. Your sister may well believe that if your mom really cared about her, she find her. It certainly wouldn't hurt to locate her! You can't make a contact unless you find her first! If you discover that she'd been looking, as I did, you'll know she knows she's adopted!

I so understand were you are in this. I am not a sibling but I am an aunt. Out of respect for your Mom and your sister you want to leave it up to them. But ya know what, even if your sister was not told that she is adopted, she is a grown woman. If it is handled well I think that she would be able to deal with it. And finally really be able to make her own choices with that part of her life that others, (if she was not told) made for her with out her knowing. But that is my opinion! Good luck to you!