Due in February...giving him up..help?

Hi, I'm Maddie.i'm 18 years old and i'm due on valentine's day with a baby boy. ive been on this site once before, and was just in the chat room for a little bit, but i've reached the point where i need some support from people who actually understand what i'm going through. i guess i'll fill you in on my story a bit before i start venting haha. i was dating my ex for only 2 or 3 months when my period was late and i took a pregnancy test. it was so faintly positive i refused to believe it. then i bought like 8 more tests and after they all said 'pregnant' i called up my bf at work and told him. i went to a clinic, and it was confirmed that i was about 4-5 weeks along. i had no clue what to do. none. i knew i didnt want to parent, not because i dont love the baby, but because i have no job, no stability, (now no bf). he wanted me to get an abortion. on one occasion about a week after we found out he came over to my house and actually waved the 350 dollars that was needed for an abortion in my face. i went back and forth for a week or so then just told him i couldnt do it. that adoption was the way it had to go. he was angry...now that i look back, probably just scared. i went online and found the adoptive parents' J&C's profile, and something kind of clicked. i called the agency they worked through, and we had lunch together. i was still only 6-ish weeks along at this point. i decided they would be the babys parents. my bf was involved with them as well, came to see their house, a few weeks later he went with me and J(the ad. mom) to buy baby stuff. then one day, out of the blue, he broke it off with me. said, yeah i cant do this anymore. (through an EMAIL!!!!) and actually just today married someone he met the weekend he dumped me. he's only 18, i'm kind of in shock. anyways, to skip a few months, me and the adoptive parents are really close. i see them atleast once a week, we picked out a name together for the baby boy, Christopher Rory. now its new years eve and im getting more emotional and terrified that i only have a few weeks left. i read other birthmoms stories on here, and i sob when i read them. i love this little boy SO much. i know this is the right thing to do, but i wonder how can i possibly emotionally survive this? how can i have him in the hospital for the necessary 72 hours and then hand him away? im scared im going to end up killing myself or something. thats another thing, im bipolar. yeah, not making this situation any easier. i post in a pregnancy forum, made for teenage pregnancies and such, and i am in SHOCK at how much crap i get!!! people go to my myspace page and leave me messages saying how im making the wrong choice for my son and saying, 'oh money doesnt make parenting possible, love does!' and just confusing me even more. so now, on top of being upset that im giving him away, im dealing with guilt because it seems alot of girls, my age and younger, CAN deal with this and CAN parent their kids. i just couldnt do that to my baby!!! he deserves a good, stable life! i hate to sound cliche, but im still a kid in alot of ways. i have my parents, and the adoptive parents for support but no one who really KNOWS how i feel. it doesnt help that i cant sleep anymore and dont have a boyfriend to help me. i just, i guess i want someone to tell me itll be ok, and that the hurting will get better. i just feel so lost. what a terrible way to start the new year. im sorry this is so long but i would really appreciate ANY advice or kind words or something. im in alot of emotional pain.thanks. :confused: