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Well it has taken me over a week to stop laying in bed and not wanting to do anything w/ my family. I feel so bad. This is our second failed adoption this year. I can not believe our bad luck. I am always amazed at what has happened to us. The first adoption that failed was w/ a bmom that had no intention to adopt, she milked the system whole heartedly. She got monitary support from us for months up to the legal limits in her state. She got food every 3 days from local food banks, she got her eletric and phone free/reduced. Then two weeks before her scheduled C-section we find out that the date she told us for the c-section was not the correct date and she told us there was a mixup at the dr's office. Well, I called the hospital that day and guess what she was there having the baby. She never intended on us adoption the baby. Now this past month, we had another failed adoption where our pbmom just blatently lied to us. She told us that she didnt know where the bdad was and gave us a fake city where she "thought" he would be. She went into labor called the agency, delivered called the agency, I got there 8 hour later after flying cross country, I got to hold the baby and stay w/ him. She got discharged the following day, I stayed w/ him he had some medical problems that he needed to stay in for the next 3 days. She thought he was getting out the following day and showed up w/ the bdad that she called to let him know that she delivered 3 weeks early. Hmmm kinda strange that she "found" him the day she got out. Well, w/ all that said I got to say goodbye to the baby and I flew back home on xmas day. Like I said earlier I havent felt very good. I slept most of last week and only got out of bed to do family things. I think that G-d was looking down on me because He knows that I need to stay busy, so on Friday my husband's niece and nephew came to stay w/ us for a few days and on Saturday we got a new FD. My daughter left to go to Disney w/o us as I still was not feeling up to that, but she will have a great time w/ my parents. I also want to thank my friends that have all called me and emailed or Immed me. I do appreciate all of them. I also want to thank Christie for sending me over here to read up on everyone and to get over my hurt. AJ
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I totally understand what you are going through. We have had several failed placements this year. The last and most devastating occurred 12/23. Maybe we can help each other through this tough time. I will pray that the right baby for you and your family manifest in this new year.
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I always hate to hear the heartbreak this brings! I'm sooo sorry you are having to deal with this.
Could I make this suggestion? We've adopted a lot of times, and never wished to have that 'matching and waiting thing'. For this reason, we've always preferred and asked to have situations that are already born and most of the time, the birthmother has already signed (or nearly near the time to sign). It's saved our hearts more than once, having had a couple of situations that did not work out....but none nearly so involved and hurtful as you have endured.
Sending hugs your way..... (((HUGS)))
Sincerely,
Linny
Char's right. Your time IS coming. The difficulty is getting there, the way you're feeling right now. But if you don't keep your hopes and your doors open, it can't happen. So rely on those of us who have been there to help you through. We're all pulling for you. And some say "you did it the easy way". There's NOTHING easy about adoption. But it's SO WORTH the struggle. Josie
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Thanks everyone for your support and well wishes. I am still off of work, I am going back on Monday. I am trying to keep busy. Right now I am enjoying my time home alone. My daughter is having fun in Disney and I am happy for her. It has opened my eyes that this can hurt so much and like i said before I am so grateful to my friends. My husband is being kind. He doesnt understand why I am so depressed but knows that he is angry as Heck!! I am not sitting here waiting for my agency to call me w/ what ever possiblity they may have. mommyinwaiting.. you can email me anytime. The more friends the better. And I am sorry too for your loss. Linny I have told my husband that I too want a baby born situation... But our agency doesnt have that many of those. But I did let our agency know that I wont be doing any more extended matches... The first one was 3 months and this one was a month... My best friend and I talked yesterday she knows how I feel as she has infertility problems as well. She tried to make a joke and it did make me feel a bit better even though it is twisted.. she said that the first adoption was "failed" a week before the original due date and I hadnt gone to the first state... This one I was at the hospital w/ the baby when this one failed.. She said.. I am getting closer.. Maybe the next one... I'll actually make it back home w/ the baby.. lol Again thanks again for sending me your thoughts. AJ