Some questions....

CarmJoemom- I was adopted first and then my parents had two biological children after me. My parents never really made me feel any different, it was more my siblings. And it was normal childhood teasing, but it still had the same hurtful affect. I am not of a different culture than my siblings so I may not be the best responder to your questions, but I can say as a person who has always know she was adopted, to encourage your daughter to talk to you regarding her adoption. Her feelings, issues, concerns. Be honest with her and open to discussion. That is how my parents were with me and it made me so much more comfortable in my own skin as I grew up. Congratulations on this wonderful journey! hugs!!!

I have a question -- did your mom ever punish or discipline your siblings for saying such things to you? I mean under no circumstances would I let ANY of my children be that mean to their siblings!!!!!!!

Not really, but it was always done out of earshot of my folks. I was no angel either though. I used to tell my siblings that I was chosen and that my parents were stuck with them...so I was just as hurtful. But my parents never ever treated me differently. i was rewarded, punished, respected and given all the same opportunities as my siblings. And I can remember many conversations with my father about my biological background. And he always made it known that there was nothing he would ever keep from me or not discuss. That meant a lot...even more now than back then!

As mentioned above (and throughout this forum) talk about adoption on a regular basis so it is seen to your children as normal for them. It is a fine line between maintaining the dialogue and over doing it. I can't ever remember the word adoption being spoken, I vaguely remember mum used to talk about "when she got me" as opposed to "had" me. I was a 'good girl' and my brother was not, so there was a bit more talk about mabe he would like to find his birth family (I am the only one who made contact with my b/mother, and that is still not mentioned) I felt like they did the best they knew, but I don't think they ever read a book or did any research on how it may affect us (this is the '60's tho and back then things were different). I know nothing about why my mum couldn't have kids or when they decided adoption was the way to go or how their extended family reacted to that idea.... There are lots of opportunities for conversation to start without it being heavy and emotional...like you could wonder aloud for them on what they may have in common with a birth family member, anything really that gives your kids the impression that it's OK to be adopted and that there are lots of different ways that families are made (especially these days with IVF, donor eggs/sperm/uterus's). I think back 'then' they just wanted us to fit in on the outside and appear as 'tho we were bio kids, unaware of the termoil going on inside. Kids are very perceptive and will pick up on subtle meassages on what is good/bad, Ok to talk about or not, shame/pride. The fact that you are here and aware of the pitfalls is a huge start.:clap: Also be reminded that most adoptees here are here because we are at the point of needing support/help. So there are going to be more negative tan positive posts. With the help of supportive and understanding parents your kids have a better start than a lot of us here did. I only wish these resources and the mountain of books now available on the subject were there for my parents when I was growing up. Oh and yes, I agree with exposing them to their culture. I'm reading one of the recommended books called "Journey of the adopted self" by Betty Jean Lifton. There is a chapter on Children of International Adoption which talk about the prefered adoption of keeping races together. This quote relates to white people adopting black children, but may relate to you. QUOTE..... would rather have children adopted by white families than spend years in foster care, but only if those families were willing to stretch themselves. They would have to see their family as biracial, which would mean changing their lifestyle and moving into an integrated neighbourhood for the sake of the child. They would have to understand what the adoption specialist Annette Baran has been saying for decades: "you stop being white when you adopt a black child". END QUOTE. Hope this helps:hippie:

PS, I'm not an adopted person with a bio sibling, but thought my experience may help you with your child's journey as being adopted...

Just because some of us are here for support /help does not mean that there are more negative than positive posts. In fact the way I read cnb response, they were very positive. I think that statement is generalization that feeds the stereotype of the "Unhappy Adoptee" syndrome, especially since this thread had very postive posts in it.

Sniffles, you are absolutely right. I was not posting negatively at all, other than stating the general teasing of children that will happen in about any situation, now exclusively because of the adoption issue. I believe that many of the responses and threads here regardless of the situation are people who are taking their individual situations and placing them in a mostly positive light. That is IMHO.

I would definitely make sure you celebrate her Guatemalan heritage. You don't have to over do it but even things like going to summer festivals or guatemalan restaurants once in a while is helpful. My experience was that my birth nationality was never mentioned as I was growing and I only found out that my birthparents were from Ireland when I was about 17. I had also received lots of negative stereotyping about "Irish people" from my amother...which was hard to reconcile and overcome once I decided to really think about who I was as a person. Some adoptees do identify with their heritage and really want to know more about it, some don't. But I would have the opportunities and resources available for your child so that she doesn't have to lose that link to her beautiful culture.:hippie:

Obviously you have been here longer to know if there are more negative than positive posts here in general, but for the short time I have been posting I have found this to be true. I'm talking about adoptees posts, and again believe that if you are coming here it is probably because you are needing help/support/understanding about the negative feelings of being adopted. Perhaps the new thread for positive stories will proove we wrong. :confused: I wasn't saying that carmjoemum was being negative at all, she sounds like she is trying to be prepared for anything and is obviously very excited waiting for her new baby.

I wasn't talking about adoptee posts in general, I was speaking of this thread. cnb made very postive post and it did not seem right that you posted that statement on this thread. I also never applied that you said this, I said: In fact the way I read cnb response, they were very positive.

IMHo the thread was going at a very postive pace and it was not fair to cnb or CarmJoeMom for you to come in and say that most adoptees are going to give a negative response when that was not the case in this thread.

perhaps not, but I was. What has cnb's positive post got to do with mine? Does that mean that all posts should follow in the same manner? I was HOPING to give carmjoemum a picture of MY situation and some tips on how to help her achild to feel better about being adopted, not have a debate about how you have found my post to be potentially offensive to others....Hmmm seems I best take off and keep my mouth shut:cop: Sorry if my LONG original post wasn't worth the effort and RSI....back to my chores:laundry:

Peace, I think you misunderstood me but we can just agree to disagree and allow this thread to continue on for CarmJoeMom. :flowergift:

Absolutly sniffles, I didn't want to monopolise the thread that should be for carmjoemum! sorry