Have you ever had dreams/nightmares which included your childs birthfamily?

I adopted my older daughter through fostercare. When it was getting close to the termination hearing I had a dream that some kind of accident happened to my daughter. She had been torn in several pieces and in real life there would be NO WAY she would have ever survived. But somehow we made it to this tiny hospital room where it was just me and another person rushing around franticly trying to put her back together to save her life even though we knew there was no chance. I tried desperatly to put her back together and save her life, not for her, and not for myself but for her birthfamily. Her birthfamily had come to the hospital but were standing in the background watching, they knew they couldn't come any closer to the operating area and were very friendly at first saying it's ok, we understand, there is nothing you can do. But I just had to keep trying. Then me and the doctor realized there was just no way to save her we had done everything we could. I was devesated at the loss of my daughter. But I was more upset for her birthfamily, her birthmom in particular. I knew she would just be devestated. At first her birthmom was real sad and them became more and more upset and started to blame me she began hitting me and yelling at me telling me it was my fault and I shoould have protected her. I was so upset I woke up because I was crying to hard and having trouble catching my breath.

I have since had several other dreams about her birthfamily. Dreams where they either break in our home and come and get her or dreams where we are out visiting with them and have become good friends and then when the time is right they sneak off with her and I never see her again. I know these dreams are just fears and when it happens I usually call her birthfamily the very next day and set up a visit with them just so I can nip that fear in the butt and when the visit is all over I feel much more secure and gratful that we do have an open relationship.

I had another nightmare about my youngest son (still waiting on his adoption...rigths were terminated last march but then the birthmother filed an appeal) I don't remember when I had the dream I believe it was after she filed the appeal. In the dream the birthmom had asked if we would come to her relatives home so they could have a visit. They were having some kind of family get together. My husband and I went with our (baby- in the dream he was only a couple months old) and left our other kids at home. Anyways, everything was going fine at first. The only problem we had was that they kept refering to the baby as the birthmom's child and in denial that the child had actually even been taken away or with us at all. But they seemed like nice people. The grandmother asked to hold the baby and I reluctantly allowed her to (I didn't quite trust her). The house was full of people and about the same time One of the other relatives began talking to me and moved in a way that I turned to talk to her. In doing so the grandma disappeared with my baby. When i turned around she was gone. I scanned the room and couldn't see him anywhere. Then I yelled to my husband and he started looking. The relative i had been talkign to said it's my fault. the chidl should never have come to me it wasn't mine and her eyes looked all evil. I ran down the staircase that was close by because I knew my husband was looking upstairs. When I went down I saw the grandmother with my baby. She had just finsihed giving him something in his mouth looked like some kind of black medicine. My son was screaming and I asked her what she had done and what she had given him. She had poisoned him. I was furious and scared to death. I screamed at her asking her what she had given him and she finally told me. (in my mind I needed to know so I could tell the doctor when we arrived at the hosptial). By then my husband was down stairs and when i told him what had happened he was furious and we had to get out of that crazy place. As we were leaving the grandma was saying that if here grandson couldn't stay with them, their blood, then he wasn't going to live with anyone, and that he was going to die. As she said it my son was completely limp in my arms. I never made it to the hospital. I was so upset and crying that I woke up.

Because we recently went through a contested adoption (we're final now), I had the same kind of dreams/nightmares you're speaking of and they were TERRIFYING. I know that my fear and worry that I tried to put out of my heart and mind so as not to upset our other children further, pushed those thoughts to the forefront when I was asleep. It's impossible not to be over the top in terms of worry and love for your child in some situations. I even felt guilty at times that our birthmother was hurting and I was the "happy mom" being able to see and hold our beautiful girl every day. But you know what? I've come to some serious thoughts recently on the entire spectrum. This baby belongs not to us, she belongs not to the birth parents. God knew all along what His plan was. She is HIS CHILD and I need to pray to put negative thoughts out of my mind. He must have thought this is the place she belonged or she would not still be with us. So now I pray for peace in my own soul with His miracle through adoption and to be the very best mother I can be, regardless of how young (I'm not) and how beautiful (I'm not). Every day since our 4 adopted children came into our lives, I have been grateful for God's blessings. Do your best to see the brightness in your life, no matter how difficult it can be. Tape it to your mirror if you must and remind yourself daily how worthy you truly are. Yours,Josie

Wow your right on with the same feelings I was struggling with. When i would look at the situation from an outside perspective it was so clear that their was no way my daughter should have been returned to her birthmother. It was NOT in my daughters best interest at all. Even though her birthmom had worked on some of her plan and was almost going to get her back....the day we thought we'd be saying goodbye to our daughter forever her birthmom came up with a positive drug test and a few days later had to sign her rights away. But my compassion for her birthmom and all she must be going through was just so deep and painful. I felt guilty for having her as my daughter and every kiss I gave her and moment I held her in my arms was ripping my heart out knowing that because I have her, her birthmom didn't. I felt so unworthy of the precious gift I was given at the expence of another. I don't feel like I'm above her or more worthy than her at all. I feel we are both loved so much in Gods eyes and we all make our own mistakes in life and it killed me that the choices she was making were causing her so much pain and to loose her daughter forever. Finally after (way too long) I was able to step back and look at it from Gods perspective and my daughters perspective and have my heart finally receive the peace it needed to realize all that has been GAINED from this experience (for all of us) and not focus on all that has been lost. I also had to understand that we are very very different people and the loss I would feel from loosing a child is different than the loss she went through. I used to be so angry with her for all that she exposed my daughter to during and after her pregnancy, and all the things "SHE DIDN"T DO FOR HER". All the special moments I would have cherished and yet....when she had her in those moments she abandoned her for drugs. Then I had to realize also that a lot of her behaviors were learned from her experience growing up in that same lifestyle. So I can't juge her for what she did or didn't do. All I can do is just thank heavenly father for the beautiful child he has entrusted me with and do my best to be the best mother I can be to her.