I give up

February 12, 2014

Yep. I give up trying to have a relationship with my birth mother.

I first tried 2 years 8 months ago. I found her on Facebook and contacted her there. We had one brief 'conversation' which basically involved her hysterically ranting at me, blaming my father and even her own relatives for the adoption (it was a non-voluntary, CPS forced closed adoption) and because I'd mentioned that I'd found her through those same people she insisted that I was out to get her and her new family. I apologized for scaring her, promised I wouldn't tell anyone about the contact, left her my email and didn't hear from her.

That was 2 years 8 months ago. I just messaged her again thinking "Hey, almost three years has gone by. Maybe she's mellowed out." I'd kept my promise and told no one about the conversation. I hoped that perhaps I'd proved to her that I wasn't spying on her or about to sick her relatives on her new family.

It's been almost a week now and no response, so I'm going to assume she's not going to respond at this point and has probably blocked me and/or deleted the message.

I've been polite, forgiving and respectful and...forgive my annoyance....but at this point she can't even take five minutes out of her day to respond so at this point **** her. I suddenly agree with CPS taking my brother and I away from her if she's this selfish and coldhearted towards her own offspring. I honestly couldn't care less if she goes and dies in a ditch at this point. :mad:

Caroline Sitta

February 12, 2014

I'm sorry she has not been open to contact in the past and that you haven't gotten any response at all to your most recent message. It really hurts to have that happen.

If you're contacting her on Facebook you need to know that if she has not "friended" you then your message may end up in a separate folder that many Facebook users aren't even aware of.

In other words, she might not have gotten this latest message at all.

Advertisements

Dickons

February 12, 2014

Nyc,

My father didn't want contact. It hurt at the time, now years later I just feel sad that he lost the opportunity to know the person I became.

I'm sorry - it sucks - some people never change.

Kind regards,

Dickons

L4R

February 12, 2014

Some people are so caught up in their own demons that they can't acknowledge us.

It says a lot about them. It doesn't reflect on us.

I hope you are proud of yourself for trying again. That takes courage. I hope it gives you peace of mind to know that you've done all you can.

Nyctimene

February 12, 2014

Thanks for all the responses.

I definitely feel as though I've tried all I could. Contact is a two way street. You can't force it. If she isn't interested than it's her loss. She won't know me, my brother (her son), her own grandson, etc.

I doubt she's unaware of the message. She responded much faster last time even though we've never "friended" each other on Facebook.

Bleh. :-p

BirthDad1991

April 22, 2014

I read your story today at lunch, and felt bad. You don't know how many times I have had similar thoughts toward the daughter that I gave up to adoption. It hurts not knowing anything, and at the same time, having pure intentions of just knowing how your child turned out. I walk the fine line between not wanting to intrude and wanting to show interest in someone else's life. Some days, I'm on top of it, and others (like this week - a birthday week), I am all over the place. Good for you to have the self respect to let go with your dignity intact. I respect your courage in defining limits to what you think is acceptable and standing by yourself.