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I just spoke with my agency about receiving a referral this month and I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster for two reasons. The first is with an 10/13 LID we could get a referral this month or the beginning of next. The agency said there is a rumor (only a rumor) that there may be another referral group in February so we definitely would know soon. I'm on pins and needles. The second reason is because my father-in-law passed away last week. He was the most excited of anyone in the family for the baby and we are just devastated over losing him. It was a very unexpected death so I feel like we haven't even had time to realize anything. My DH is beyond comfort at this point and I almost wish he had a little more time to grieve but at the same time we want to know who our daughter is. Am I making sense? I'm amazed at myself because I have been so impatient and now that we are finally here I'm worried about getting a referral now. I guess I had wanted everything to be happy instead of melancholy. No matter what happens there will be quite a bit of sadness in our family for some time to come. Not to mention all the changes that will happen for my mother-in-law now that he's gone. I guess I just needed to talk. Everyone is saying how happy we will be and I hope this is true. As I said, I don't know if I'm making sense. Maybe because I feel like I'm on this rollercoaster! Thanks for listening.
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I had a similiar experience with the birth of my second child. My grandfather, who was like a father to me was diagnosed with cancer and we knew he wouldn't make it long. We had decided not to find out the sex of our baby, but then I decided to go ahead a find out for him. So off to the doctor I went and we found out I was having a boy. I ended up changing the name we had picked out to Weldon to honor him. I called him, and told him the good news, and that was the last time we talked. He died the next day. I was so glad that he was so excited about our baby. Try to focus on honoring him, by having the excitement that he would have had for you all. It sounds like if he was that happy for you all, that he wouldn't want you to wipe out your joy to mourn him. Try to turn this situation into a win win situation for the whole family. I'm guessing, you are probably getting a girl, but if there is some way to honor him with her name or a nickname, it would be a great way to honor him! Just my thoughts
Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss! I can only imagine the grief your family is going through. I would like to piggy-back on what Laura said. My grandfather passed away 3 wks after ds's 1st b-day. Even after 10 yrs I still get so emotional thinking of him...he was such an awesome man and my hero. Family meant everything to him. I know he has been watching over ds and my little angel. I had a dream the day I m/c that he was standing in white in front of a gate, hands folded, quietly waiting for my angel. That has given me so much strength! When ds asked me who was going to watch his brother/sister...I told him Great-grandpa. As we wait for our little girl, I once again have faith and peace knowing that Grandpa is watching over her until we become a forever family. THAT is what helps me hang on. Have faith that even though your fil is no longer on this Earth, he is in your hearts and I'm sure he makes a visit every once in a while! Keep him alive by letting your little girl know the love her grandpa had and still has for her. I'll bet he's watching over her right now and even knows who she is before you do!!!! Sorry to get all emotional on ya--spoken right from the heart!Best wishes for a VERY quick referral!!!!
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and I know it must be hard to get excited and be happy about getting a referral right now. The only thing I can suggest is to remember that your father-in-law was thrilled with your impending bundle of joy and that I'm sure he'd want you to be happy at a time like this. Easier said than done, I'm sure. Good luck!
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Thanks for your responses! It does really help! DH & I were still feeling down as of yesterday but then something that I am taking as a sign from Pops happened. Yesterday was our friend's birthday and there was a big group of us who went to a restaurant for her birthday. One of my friends said "Look, there's a little baby who looks Chinese". Of course I couldn't stop staring. As we were being seated I spoke to her father. They had just returned from China in November. She was soooo sweet! Very happy, too! She's just learning to walk and he was walking her around the restaurant. About 15 minutes later her mother came over with her name and phone # and said that she and her husband had just returned from China and that if we had any questions to call. She said it would be nice, too, for the girls to get together since we live so close to each other. It rejuvenated our enthusiasm! We talked on the way home about how we could see Pops instigating the whole situation from up above so he could share his enthusiasm even now. It was a nice moment! Thanks again!
Sorry for the time of mixed-up emotions for you. I have heard so many stories like yours. My husband and I are naming our little girl from China, Mikah after my husbands father (Mike) who will be 93 yrs old and very excited about her! His condition is fragile and we pray he lives to meet her. I guess for many of us who are adopting at older ages, we tend to be right-in-between early and late lifes. Although I understand that is not always the case. It is all in the attitude we decide to take, but it sure is difficult sometimes. Life is certainly precious. My husband and I heard a wonderful sermon on how there is always something bad with everything good, I wished I could have remembered all of the wonderful quotes and verses that were included. It was eye opening and thought provoking. Peace & Blessings to you and your family. -Karen