Name question

We're an interracial couple with 4 adopted children. One was 2 when she came and we liked her name so we kept it. The two boys were babies and we changed their names. We looked for names that were across the board in terms of not being "black" or "white" or religious. And we've been happy with that choice and the names fit them. If you could found something that sounds like the original name or nickname in some way, I think that makes it easier, but 16 mo. old children adapt pretty quickly to a new name. Maybe call him his current name and add the new name like a middle name until he gets used to hearing it and then drop the first name altogether. Usually it's not difficult to come up with a way to make it easier, depending on his current name. If AA friends are saying it would "typecast" him, you should probably consider their opinions pretty seriously. Josie

Do what you want, because you're the mom and you know what's best! Of the six children I've adopted... I totally changed the names of the youngest two (who were 9 months, and 2 years when they came to live with me.) I gave them names I liked and that was that! One of my daughter's was four when I adopted her, and I changed her name but used a name that she could still go by her nickname, so she didn't really notice the change because we still called her by the same nickname! One of my son's didn't have a middle name and wanted one, so he and I choose a middle name together. After the adoption, he told EVERYONE they were not allowed to call him by any name EXCEPT his middle name! He doesn't even want people to know his first name... he says that was the foster child, but his "new name" is the adopted child! My oldest son, I didn't change a thing about his name because he was old enough that I didn't feel it would be in his best interest. His younger sister, I did change the spelling of her name (and shortened her middle name). All of my kids who've had name changes know about it (if they're old enough), and the little ones WILL know about it. When they are older, if they want to go back to their birth names, that is definately their choice and I will support them in that! I think you could keep that in mind... if it is important to him when he is older, you can always change it back! ;~) Kelly

I am an African American woman, who agrees with many. That the names like Jamar, Jabari, keisha etc. those are bad for kids when they enter school, the teacher already forms assumptions, and know that the child is AA. Even if you keep the middle name assumptions. Many still are very stereotypical and those names are unfortunate. Many people dont think how the child will be treated when they give them names like Deyshaun etc. My name is universal, and therefore many dont know what to expect when they meet me, thats how it should be. However it is ur decision, just keep that in mind, when the child enters school, and also the fact that the teachers, when I was in school, mis pronounce the names, all the time! Lets just say when I adopt, my little one is going to have a name that is more generally caucasian:hippie:

Our son is bi-raial and has a AA name. He goes by a short verson of his first name. He hates it when any one calls him by his full name. He told us right after he moved in that he wants a new name. We are giving him a new first name and keeping the shorten name he goes by as his middle name. We chose a name that works for any race. Now he is proud of his new name and tells everyone he meets his new name. I think is important to choose a name that is pronouced/spelled easy. My bio-daughter's name can be pronouced/spell many different ways. I wasn't really thinking about the problem she would have in school, but most teacher's say it WRONG. I would think since she has went to the same school since pre-school and she is now in 5th grade they would get it right by now. She just answers to what ever they call her. She/I have corrected them MANY times but it doesn't help. Then again my husbands name is Billy and something people spell it WRONG!!

I did decide to scrap the name altogether and go with a pan-european (common to many cultures) name that seems more like him, and he's already answering to it. I know that there is research that supports the correlation between name and economic status, but I can't think of the reference now. I don't think that changing the name to some shorter or similar (more palatable) version to honor his birth heritage really makes sense IMO, because the name is still being changed. In any event, as far as I know, he was not named after a relative, and his middle name is the name of an Egyption deity, which is pretty horrific! Anyway, thanks for the input, I'm glad I made the switch. Mary

I was wondering about this myself. I am looking to adopt a child who is almost 6. I don't like his name and feel like it may cause problems down the road. I feel like it may be more difficult to change a 6 year olds name than an infant's name. However, I wonder if it will be too much at once for him. By the way, I'm new to this forum. My name is Kelly and I'm really excited about adoption!

In the mix of eight children (five infants) that we adopted, three were older child adoptions. All of the three older have failed in some way; but I assure you that it had absolutely nothing to do with a name change. Frankly, we were basically forced to keep some/all of their original name as part of the new name (due to the system :( ), and NONE of the children liked it. We always chose to call them by the names they wanted to be called---which were ALWAYS the new names. And, BTW.......the ages of the children upon placement were six yrs, almost seven yrs, and three years. Two separate adoptions. I'm a strong believer that if the child is alright with any/all name changes, then that's what you should go with. Many can say what they want about this 'taking away that part of their history'...but in the cases we were involved with, those abusive parts of their lives, were definately ones they wanted to LEAVE behind---FOREVER. Consult with the older child in all cases....but listen to them about it too. I daresay that many of these kids are glad to change their names---a little or all, when it comes to relating to abusive birthmothers/birthfathers, relatives of any sort, KWIM? Sincerely, Linny