ROLL CALL - What is happening with you?

Christie, This is a good idea! I'm one who made it to "the other side"; after fighting a contested adoption for 18 mos, we finalized on Friday Oct 13 (a lucky day for us!). We JUST sent the final payment to the atty (spent over 40k in legal bills alone, that's not even the adoption itself, travel-5 states away, bmom expenses, etc). We're just waiting for DS SS card (which should come in the next few weeks) and then I will REALLY feel it's over. I pray for all of you who are still going through this. It's a nightmare that no one should have to go through.

We are going through a contested adoption and are still waiting. We "finalized" on September 8th and that was with him "contesting" (sort of - he sent a check for a paternity test). We had the test done, proved he was the father and he called my lawyer in early Oct. saying now what? He was mad that the adoption was final and said he planned to come to our state when he had his next break from work. That was the last time that anyone has heard from him. Our lawyer states that the birthfather can file a motion up to a year after the finalization and we'll have to go to court. He does NOT however believe that the birthfather will win because he has done absolutely NOTHING legally except send a check. He has not tried to see or support his child at all (he is now 7 months). But, we would still have to go to court before September 8th of this year. So, we are waiting. Time is going by quickly thank goodness because I cannot wait until this nightmare is over! Hope the rest of you have good news to report!Jaefer

We're final and now trying to pick up the pieces of a once "open adoption" with birthmother who is having a difficult time. I've struggled with the guilt of us having this beautiful child in our lives and her hurt over the loss yet, I know more and more each day, that God meant for our baby girl to be with us. She's incredibly happy. And that's what it's all about.

In Oct of 06 OH finally put their ruling in the form of a court order which stated they were giving the case to NC.We filed with the appeals court in Nov and have not heard anything.Our attorney filed a stay of execution and that was turned down because the appeals court saw no evidence why she should remain where she is until they rule.So we refiled and showed them how living her life with us for 8 yrs pretty much says it all.Since then we have not heard anything.The Bfather has had the legal right since Oct of 06 to come and get her but yet has done nothing.As far as we know he has not responded to the appeal. So we wait and see how the judges will justify ruling in his favor this time around. We also think of all of you often and pray that all the madness ends. GOD BLESS

I'm another one who made it to the "other side". Our case took 17 months. Last month, we hit the 1 year mark since finalization. For several months after our battle, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop - thinking it couldn't possibly really be over. We had lived with the overhwhelming fear and stress for so long, that we didn't know how to function normally. It was a long time before we didn't jump everytime the phone rang. Though we are forever changed by what we went through, the painful part is now a distant memory. Kind of like how a new mom forgets all the labor pain by the time she sees baby's first smile ........ I still say a special prayer every night for all the families still fighting for their children.

Billysmommy, Just want to jump in and add my .02 even though it's a little OT. I know what you mean about waiting for the other shoe to drop. I STILL am, even though we've just paid the atty the final amount and they've even said "you will no longer get bills related to this case". I don't think I'll breathe for awhile. Saddest part of all is, I really saw myself as having more than 1 kid, but I am so shredded by this, I really think DS might be an only child. I could NOT handle another "difficult" adoption. I mean, I don't even have "baby lust" or ANYTHING that I thought I would (esp since DS is about to turn 2), that's how bad this scarred me.

Sadiegirl - I too, always thought I'd have at least 2 children, but like you I am so scarred and sure I couldn't go through the nightmare again, so my precious daughter will be an only child. It wasn't only an emotional decision - at the rate we're paying off our legal debts, she'll be 17 when we've paid it all off, so at that point we'll just switch from sending checks to the atty to sending checks to a college. :) We feel that we can't handle the the additional financial strain of a second adoption, and certainly not if we had another legal mess. Christie - As I've mentioned recently, we're on the "other side" - Our case was legally over in June 2006, after 2 years of bouncing through the court system, all the way to our state supreme court. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, mostly because it was supposed to be "over" when we signed the first settlement agreement and it wasn't, so hearing my atty say "it's absolutely over!" has no real impact on my nerves. I'm finally loosening up some, but the whole mess took an incredible toll on my marriage and sometimes I don't think our relationship will ever recover, so in that sense it will never really be over. For us, closure is elusive because my family was friends with my daughter's biological family for years - as in my mother grew up with some of the people involved in our case, and my parents live in a rather small town where everyone is in everyone else's business. So the stretches of time between chance encounters with biological family members vary, and it's gotten to the point that everyone in town has stopped "updating" us on everything that is said. So I'm hoping as more time goes by more normalcy will come. I think it helps tremendously if you are in a situation where you are not likely to have constant reminders or accidental meetings. My thoughts and prayers are with you, that you will soon be on the other side too, readjusting to normal, boring everyday life.:wings:

Oh boy - me too. We certainly would have adopted another child by now but after over 4 1/2 years of this I can NOT handle the emotional and legal strain of it all. I feel so sad because I have to give up this dream. And I am sad for our son; he would be the best big brother ever. We, too, have heard "it's over" and I do NOT believe that any more. I don't know if you read my post about DH and me being torn apart by our beliefs on what needs to be done at this point. He was in Iraq for 2 1/2 years of this so he was not here to understand what I have been through and why I feel one way and he feels another. He also came back from Iraq a different person - and came home to his wife (me) a different person from what all I had been through over here. No - my marriage will never be the same either. And I was not able to support him like he needed while he was overseas b/c it was all I could do to get through each day here alone with courts, lawyers, etc. And now he is home (Thank Goodness!) and yet we live in another type of world which strains us. Ooooh - same case here! I have been close friends with the family for years - so that we were almost like extended family. They are horrified as to what all the birthmom has put us through and are firmly on our side - but they also feel guilt over even suggesting the idea (which seemed ideal at the time) and have been of tremendous support through this whole ordeal. However - our relationship (with what has been my "extended family" for so many years) has been altered permanently. I miss them as much as if they were family. I miss my husband too - the one I married. And they all miss me. The happy, assured, confident me which is gone. We also live in the sme small town - ALL of us. We also hear one story after another and many people "updating" us on things. AND at the rate this has been going there is no money left and no near hope of me being able to go to a larger city and work on my PhD. **My dreams have been shattered in so many ways.** I have wanted to respond to everyone as they posted but really wanted this to be about updates on everyone and for us not to get too far off-topic. However, I felt such a compelling need to respond now. Jaefer - I am so glad for you that you have (for now anyway) an "ending" date. I wish we could just say to ourselves "Well, we just need to make it until --- and then it will be over." It is incredibly difficult not knowing, not trusting, unending. Thank you for posting. Josie - your case gives me hope and reminds me of what is truly important. You continue to be here for us. Thank you!!! daddysangel - I can NOT believe the bfather has no interest in parenting (obviously) but targets you, your wife and children, and for what????? And the courts are oblivious to the obvious and have shown no regard for your daughter. Truly unbelievable. I am so sorry. Your case is one I wish the whole world would hear. You and your family are so incredibly strong. billysmommy - thank you for letting us know that it is possible to move on to some sense of normality. Yes, no doubt if we ever make it there then we too will jump when the phone rings - and it feels like an execution walking to the mailbox. I have HOPE because you are willing to come here and share with us. Thank you for that. sadiegirl - I, too, feel like you. I have been scarred and changed and it feels like (maybe?) I will "wait for the other shoe to drop" for the next 15 years. I'm not sure I will ever be completely comfortable again. To ALL of you: THANK YOU! Thank you for posting. Thank you for keeping us updated. Thank you for your support and love. PLEASE keep posting here. (StacyKelly - are you okay?) What is going on with the rest of you? My hugs and prayers go out to all of you, each of us, struggling together. I love you all. Christie

Still hanging in there...Our angel is now 22months old!! Nothing new going on the birth father so far he still has done nothing. We keep praying soon we will all have the peace we need! As for now, we are so thankful to God above that we have each day with our angel!!! We cherish everyday with him....We are just so hopeful that with all this time passing that it will just make a stronger case against the birth father. We just keep our angel's days filled with hugs, and kisses and I love you's!! God placed him with us for a reason and we are hopeful it is in God's will for our angel to stay with us forever!!! Hang in there everyone and we will keep the prayers going...:flowergift: