What are the challenges of 2 Cauc. parents raising an AA child?

My challenges came from "society" not my immediate family. They are what you make of them-if I continued to get upset every time my son & I get stares in the store - I'd go crazy. I choose to send him to a racially mixed daycare & I have friends of all backgrounds/religions because of the diverse city I live in. I personally can't stand when anybody suggests I think longer on anything (buying a house, fostering, adopting) I'm sure this is a decision you are not taking lightly; if it is in your heart to parent a child of any color you will have challenges-you just have to decide what you can/will tolerate. Best of luck

My dh is so overly protective, he has already said if someone makes a racial slur toward our child that he will "take them out" for lack of better words. His first wife and baby were Panamanian (sp?) and his daughter (adopted) was very dark in color so he has had some experience already. Unfortunately they were killed in an apartment building fire when his baby was only 6 mos. old. But he had tried to learn their culture and ways while they were alive so I know he will do the same for our child, AA or biracial. Another AA woman I am friends with told me she thought it was good that we are so open to adopting a child of another race, but to make sure the child does have exposure to other kids of their race, not just Caucasian. So I will have to be diligent in finding some....we just live in a mainly Caucasian area...but in my son's school there are a few AA's but not many young uns. So what challenges does society impose? Stares, questions, racial slurs? Blessings, Michelle

On one hand, I can see your family's point, I do think some people go into transracial adoption with rose colored glasses, but on the other hand...they don't truly know how much you have looked into this either so can't tell you how you are or are not ready. One question....why are you accepting of biracial and not full AA? Just a thought... I think one of the challenges I personally see is putting a lot of thought into raising him to be proud of who he is...as an AA. I really don't see him as a AA baby, but MY baby, but I think it's important to teach our kids that YES they are different but that's what makes them fabulous, and who they are...and differences aren't that important in some areas....but they do have a seperate culture as well. Does that make sense? I guess for me, the challenge is not the racial slurs, etc from others (though they will be there) it's a challenge on myself to raise him with a lot of research under my belt in order to better understand what he might be feeling and being aware of the different challenges he will face. That being said he is my son, and many things are completely the same wether he be blue, black, purple or green. Hope this helps a little and makes any sort of sense! LOL

Natalie: I am accepting of full AA. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.... Blessings, Michelle

I think it is alwayus helpful to put yourself in the place of the child. How would you feel growing up seeing very few people that had your skin tone? Being surrounded by people who do not look like you? The other thing to consider is other's racism. How tolerant is your community? You do not live in a vacumn. While you may be accepting, there are going to be those that are not. What is the response of people in your community. You may not think it matters, but it will matter very much to your son/daughter when he/she has to deal with their friends parents... and don't get me started on dating.Have you read the book Transracial Adoption. If not, I suggest you do. Raising a child in a transracial adoption is not about being "color-blind", but about being being sensitive to the needs of a child of color in a family that is different than you. It's about your ability to provide that to them.

Unfortunately "taking them out" won't help your child. We find that it is best to educate others or ignore them. You want your child to be able to deal with the difference with a cool, calm and educated head. They will learn a lot by how you handle it and what you say. We have not had any issues as of yet and we live in a predominantly white town of 1200. I think we got more curiosity when DH and I would have her in public and I was nursing her. A lot of people assume she is from some exotic country. And remember, if your child is biracial with part AA, they are a part of the black community which means you are too! You will have to identify with that community as well. We have had some not so approving stares from CC and AA people, but I am not there for them to approve. For the most part our family has had VERY positive remarks. BTW, we have two bio teens too.

I think if you adopt a child of any color/background they should be exposed to as many cultures as possible. I'm not sure how I would handle "looking" for AA people to befriend-I live in diverse community and grew up with people from many backgrounds. My main problem is with stares & "is he your son?" there is always a follow up of "he's so beautiful" so I think people are trying to be friendly. However, I can't imagine how he will feel as he grows older hearing people ask me "is he your son" I was never subjected to that as a child; but know that as the parent I don't like it.

I can relate to that - it grates on me if someone asks if I've thought something through completely when I've studied it thoroughly. But I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt if I think they mean well, and are just asking if I've really considered all aspects of a decision. You can usually tell the difference between someone who's looking out for you and someone who just thinks your an idiot. With the former, I listen, because they might have some insight I could use. With the latter, I thank them for their consideration and change the subject.

My "issue" is that my biracial DD looks very much like DH and I (caucasian) so we do not get any questions usually (I had one woman ask me if she was "mixed"). I have to say that I have sort of always been a "color blind" proponent....my family is that way, for example, my mom says stuff like, "I wouldn't care if she were GREEN!" It's very "cute" in a way, but it also fails to acknowledge that she has an AA heritage. My best friend is biracial and has a child similar in age to my DD and we hang out quite a bit. I just had another a mom come visit me with her biracial DD. My DH and I have more "casual" friends that are AA and biracial that we try to hang out with "more" now. I have all sorts of books and dolls of children of every color. Having done some research and read a lot of books, I know that this is not a colorblind society (obviously), and I want my DD to be so proud of her heritage. On the other hand, I find that things just seem to be "changing" so rapidly (I saw a study that showed that like 25 percent of the "younger generation" are in interracial relationships, etc.) so I find that really encouraging and hopeful. Anyway, as long as you feel that your family will be accepting, I wouldn't use the "oh, it's not fair for the child" kind of thing to keep yourself from adopting outside your race. Good luck to you!!

Do you live near a big city? There may be more black families close by than you believe. I'm raising two african-american daughters. I'm caucasian but we have a culturally diverse family, neighborhood & school system. When Maire-Kate was a baby, people would ask me "Is she your baby?" and I even had an old lady ask me "Is the father (and then she looked around and whispered) black?"As if "black" was a dirty word. Most people would ask if she's adopted and then follow with "Wow. I always wanted to adopt." or other questions about adopting..Is it hard to adopt when your single? Did you have to wait a long time? ..etc..But for the most part, it's fine. MOST people are very accepting and usually very curious about adoption and how the whole thing works. And MOST comments are not mean spirited-even the ones you might find a tad bit offensive. People might make comments that you might consider kind of ignorant-but they aren't trying to hurt you...MOST people either have no opinion-or keep their opinions to themselves. People stopped asking me if Maire-Kate is adopted or my daughter by the time she was walking-or maybe I stopped noticing when people would ask! ;) Or maybe it's because they hear her call me Mommy. Maire-Kate is now in 3rd grade and attends a culturally diverse school and she has 4 best friends (Astrid-hispanic, Jordan-white, Tori-asian and Tyra-black). They are like a mini-United Nations and it's great to see them together. She has other black friends in the neighborhood. None of her friends seem to think it's a big deal that she has a white mom. Although they will ask her "Is that your mom?". Maire-Kate is no different than Tyra in the way she talks, dresses, etc. She has had no difficulty fitting in with black culture, yet. I actually sent a PM to another forums member who is black and raised by white parents in hopes that she can give me some insight on what to do as Maire-Kate reaches middle-school and teen years -when identity becomes a bigger issue. The only problem I have ever had occured when Maire-Kate was about 4. She complained she wanted to be "white". I was worried about her because I didn't want her to feel "different" even though she IS different. She also wanted to comb her own hair-but couldn't because it's so thick and curly we have to keep it braided. I caught the poor thing trying to comb her braids one day and it broke my heart. I want her to feel good about herself. So you will have some issues at different stages of your child's life. But comments from strangers will be the least of your worries. Trust me on this.

Kat: Well, actually when I went to the local Y the other night to walk, there were a ton of AA kids there. So I think that maybe some come from other small towns close...they have a wonderful after-school program and the babysitter lady was holding what appeared to be a biracial baby herself. So I think I could probably send my AA child (when I get one) to programs as such and be okay that way. Oh, to whoever recommended the book Transracial Adoption to me, thank you. It is on my list at amazon as I type this. I will definitely read it. Blessings, Michelle