too much

Thanks lonni. What do you mean by starting fresh with everyone? And did you believe the court records? It sounds like you have been through this already and I sure could use your advice. Thank you!

Christie, I am new here, and your letter really reached out and touched me. I dont know everything that is going on with you, but try to remember every dark cloud eventually gives way to sun. Be strong, I know you can, cause its worth the fight!

Thank you Gina. I come here and re-read these posts of support. I gain strength from you guys and thank you - each of you - for your care, love, concern and prayers. No news on this end and it is hard. I have stopped calling my lawyer after our last conversation. It just seems pointless. I have no idea what to do now. It seems that after hiring and firing so many lawyers there is no point in continuing down that road. It does not work. So what do I do? I can act pro se - but will it get me any further? I can't see that it will. But I am jaded by the system and feel hopeless and helpless in my son's case. I have one more year to go in my new county to file to bring it over here - but that means another year and another lawyer and another judge and it feels like I have been drained of all legal, financial, and emotional avenues. All without resolution and I am losing hope for resolution. My son is here and is doing remarkably well in spite of his problems and I am sooooooo proud of him. He has come a long way and it has been such a struggle for him. Combined with working with my son, keeping a full-time job, fighting the senseless court battles; I don't think I have the strength for pro se work. I am even working overtime to help with the bills. My husband is wonderful, but since he came back from Iraq it has been different here. Hard. We are still both trying to recover from his tours in Iraq and that takes a toll as well. Thank you for listening - again. What do I do? Where do I go? To whom do I turn? Christie

Christie:Do nothing. Stand still. Listen. "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from which cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord." He will tell you what to do.

What Mamas said. We feel our case has been over since Oct of 06.The Bfather had EVERY legal right to come and get her.He not only passed on that opportunity but he also passed on even making a phone call or anything else a person would do when they have the legal community on their side. Then when he has the chance to come to OH and explain to our court why he should get her back he passes on that. SOOOO we have done pretty much what you have done.If you (bfather) trully want her come and lets get all the facts out and if a court feels you are right we will abide by it.Until then leave us alone. When GOD is ready to move HE will let us know and we will walk behind HIM. While we wait (not for the courts or the bfather,but instead for GOD to move) we continue to live life as we did before.Raising a child as we are her parents and enjoying every minute of it. Relax & Enjoy GOD BLESS

Daddy's Angel and the poster b4 him make a lot of sense to me. I know that your faith has been tested lately and I'm not pushing anyone to be of a certain religion or faith. But I do believe that at some point a certain spirituality takes over and an inner peace comes with it. You have had no inner peace now for so long that it is affecting your every single day with your son and husband. Maybe it IS time to "leave it on God's altar" and walk away. My mother in law always says that if you ask God with an open heart, he will give you what you desire. I was never really quite sure about that, until recently when I've seen how prayer truly works miracles. We had a young man at our church shot 8 times and one bullet nicked his heart. No one thought he would make it through that but he was at church on Easter morning and his mother (who is a good friend of mine) stood up in front of the entire church and asked us to "surround yourselves with praying people" because only prayer and a miracle could have saved her son. And I believe, because I've pondered this, that she gives very, very good advice. Love you girl!!!

To All: I prayed I would never have to be in this forums....but here I am. Our angel was yanked out of hands, almost 24 hours after birth (6 of those were in our arms). Our birthmother who has 5 grown kids and 5 grandchildren decided to parent. She has never held a job, owned a vehicle or rented an aparment, but all of a sudden she can parent. Every wish to make her pregnancy better, we complied, tires for transportation, maternity clothes, some car repairs and a restitution arrest warrant that if it wasn't paid she would be thrown in jail (I should have let her get picked up). I can't sleep (except major doses of prescription sleep aids) I can't eat and I am going to try to go back to work Wednesday (my parter Christine and I were off on a 5 week leave to bond with Addison). How do I ever return to normal, I feel like my life was toyed with and then thrown away once her finances were in order. I'm sorry, I am bitter and it hurts me to see Christine in pain. HELP! Lori

Jlo I feel you pain. I just like you thought I would never be on this board, and yet after 4 months with my baby boy his birthmother decided to parent. You are in my prayers and we all here for you. Please PM me whenever you like.

Chritie, God loves you and I know he feels your pain and knows exactly what you are going through. When he was in the garden of gethsemane and took upon him the sins of the world he also took upon him all the sicknesses, and heartache that we all go through. He knows your pain EXACTLY!!! HE is the ONLY one you can truly find comfort and peace in, no one else even comes clsoe to understanding. Let him take upon himself this burden (he already has). Let him carry your load. Have faith that in the end HIS WILL will be done, not the lawyers or the judges....but HIS WILL. He would take this away from you...I'm sure he longs to, because it hurts him to see you suffering like this. BUT, the whole purpose of this earthly life is to use our agency and to be judged accordingly. Obviously the birthmother is feeling a lot of hurt and anger and is choosing to keep these court hearings going for no purpose other than to torment you....since she has proven she does not want the child back and doesn't want to even see the child. I'm sure God understands her pain and anger as well. Someday he will judge HER for the choices she has made and the needless hurt she has caused. I know this court stuff seems like it will never end, and I know you wish it could all just go away so you could have your peaceful life and enjoy your child and parenting the way you had always imagined it would be. I purpose another outlook. Imagine to yourself that these court hearings NEVER end. Imagine it keeps going for the next 13 years. Allow yourself to adjust your hopes and dreams of this peaceful life you've always imagined, To one that will ALWAYS include these court hearings. ALL these STUPID court proceedings don't have to be the main focus of your life, your marriage, your child's life(always waiting and never resolving itself). Instead of living life waiting and hoping and praying for them to go away completely. Pray for the strength to just accept what is and endure for the long hall. Pray for the ability to LIVE your life NOW. To enjoy all the little blessings you DO HAVE, verses all this negative stuff that bogs you down. Find a way to have a new glimpse of what your family life looks like for the next 13 years. Find a way to seperate in your head all the court stuff...from your actual life and relationship with your son. Don't imagine him EVER leaving you. Just imagine you raising him all the way up until he's going off to college. Know that you are his mother and always will be. He won't care what any court document says about you guys....he will know the mother who has always been there for him through out the years and who has always fought for him. What matters the most in all the world is your family. Try and enjoy every moment. Try and put everything else on the lord. Allow him to carry the heavy burden (completely) and trust in him. Don't ask him to take it all away, just ask him to help you find a way to live through it, love thorugh it, find joy through it, find meaing in life, find hope, find patience etc, etc. I think if you could do that....than you can overcome ANYTHING that she can throw at you now and in the years to come. Because you'd be choosing to not allow it to bog you down and burden your heart. You'd be allowing yourself to be free...to love your son and to trust that HE WILL be yours forever....regardless of whatever she does. I'm sorry your going through this. You are so right you have no control over any lawyers or judges or the birthmother etc. BUT what you have is far greater. You have the ability to trust fully in the lord that he will carry you through this every step of the way. You also have the POWER to not let all this get to you. You have the power to CHOOSE to find happiness, joy, comfort and peace in your life aside from all the pain and heartache that all of this brings.

THANKYOU Sometimes we read a post that is not intended for us by name but find INCREDIBLE strength from it. THANKYOU GOD BLESS

I remember going through our contested adoption and not being able to get the picture out of my mind of HANDING OUR BABY GIRL to a third party to take back to the birthfather. It was an unbelievably sorrowful picture and one I can't entirely get out of my head even today. And, although I can speak with the comfort of knowing now that she will stay with us, it does bring some knowledge as I look back to how I could have handled things better. MOM2GRLC has some exceptional advice. Not all of us find it easy to be faithful at a time like this, Christie. Yet I agree with much of what she says. I'm more spiritual than religious although we are a Catholic family. The bottom line, for me, is how my acceptance or non-acceptance of a situation affects the rest of my family and my relationship with our baby girl. So as I look back, I can tell you that I wish I had done things differently at that time. I wish I would have played with her more and gotten on the internet (for my own comfort) less. I wish I would have done what MOM2GRLC suggests, which is to TRULY leave it on God's altar (which is what I hoped you could do). How much of our life is spent worrying about things, day to day, that TAKE AWAY from the richness and fulfillment we should be feeling. I cannot imagine your pain so I won't try. Going through months of a contested adoption doesn't compare to the years you are in this and the loss, both financial and emotional. But if you can find a way to do it better than I did, to know in your own heart (no matter what court documents are still out there) that your son is yours, forever. And he truly is YOURS because you are the mother he looks to for strength. I think you can give that to him. It will take a lot of faith on your part. I will pray that you find it. Yours friend,

I am just so thankful that we have this board to come to and learn, and get strength from one another. One thing I did learn from going through this is the tremendous amount of strength you need emotionally to get through each day. I know my strength is provided by God, because for me there is no other answer. As much as we longed and waited for years for a chance to adopt - just given the blessing of being chosen was a miracle in itself. Our bonding started before our angel was even born. We kept his sonogram pictures, and his tape recorded heart beat with us, just to prove this was finally happening and finally "real"!!! It was the first time ever we walked away from that hospital on clouds..clutching the sonogram pictures...For us, there was no greater moment in time. Now 2 years later I look at our angel and still cannot believe this happened. As the years past for us, we felt the chances of adopting just lessened. We did not have tons of money to adopt, but we knew we had so much love to offer. I strongly prayed to God time and time again, and I always felt in my heart God knew the love we could provide..and I would say one day this will happen for us...Now, being in a contested adoption of 2 years, my strength is in knowing God placed him with us, for a reason. We never take a day for granted..we cherish every day we have with him..And if anything we know God's miracle works..our angel is our proof!! As we draw closer to the court date- my prayers continue and I know God is standing by us...Living this is not easy, but the love we have for a child is so strong and never did I ever think I could make it this far...but prayer and spiritual belief is keeping us strong. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to hand back the child..I feel your pain and heartache. You look to that child as your own that is why you can become an adoptive parent. No matter how much you try you cannot protect your heart...and its only natural the feelings of pain and hurt because you have lost the one thing you want more then anything in this world...Please everyone continue to pray...God has gotten us this far..and I have faith through Him all things are possible!! Having all of you guys for strength is so helpful..and seeing that contested adoptions sometimes end up with joy is something we can all only hope and pray for....I will keep you all posted!! God Bless:flowergift:

reading these posts about having to give up your child after so long waiting and loving and making plans, to have one day all that taken from you.:mad: This reminds me of 1 night 18 years ago..... I am a BMOM and I had just had my BSON, I was in my room and I started crying uncontrollably...my mom was in the room, and she said," whats wrong," I said ," nothing", because deep inside I felt like I was making this decision for my BSON and I , no one else. ( the adoptive parents were out in the nursery looking at their newborn son, which the AMOM was in the delivery room through all of it, taking pictures, and trying to be suportive...Well, my mom had step out of the room and the nurse came in and she said," whats wrong," I said, I dont know," she said , do tou want to go down to the chapel," I said," yes, please," So she wheeled me down to the chapel....I was sitting alone in the chapel, when my mom came in and she said," F...( that was the AMOM) is worried that you are going to change your mind," I said," I am not going to change my mind, I just need time alone." I wasnt crying , because I was giving him up for adoption...per se, I was crying because, how could I be so stupid, I knew I had no future with his dad, I was already struggling with my daughter, of 2 years and then I get pregnant again...I cant believe it, why do I put myself in this position. Emotionally destoying myself.:grr: One time a friend of my mom tells me that putting my son up for adoption was 1 thing in my life that was unselfish and a very loving thing to do, because out of love I wanted him to have a better life than I could offer him. well, what I am trying to say, is that judges should think 10 times what is best for that child, like: 1. why was he givin up for adoption in the first place?2. why do they now want him back?3. How would this affect the child?4. How would this affect the Aparents5. why as this comr to the courts, because once those adoption papers are signed, there should be on going ack, because that child has bonded with his new parents and its not right to play wit emotions like that. well, I was never ever going to change my mind, because I loved my BSON and I wanted the best and the best was giving him up for adoption. I hope this hasnt confused anyone....I am just trying to make a point. Feelings and love do not belong in a ourtroom and also, why would someone contest an adoption after he has bonded with someone else.He would look at the BMOM as a stranger. Well, Im done

After reading your post, I cried. If anything I witnessed the love our angel's birth mom has and will always have for him. That was the biggest miracle in all of this was the fact that we became friends...and we completely have respect for one another!! She will forever hold a special place in our hearts if not for her, we would never hear the words mommy and daddy! Our paths crossed together for a reason we both strongly feel God played the biggest part in this hopeful adoption story. The birth mom reassures us all the time she is at such peace knowing her son is so very, very much loved...and that she could not have picked better parents..Hearing that makes us feel only the best!! And having respect and allowing us to be honest with our feelings just have made this all come together..The birth mom is standing by us for the adoption - and for us that means the world!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your words give comfort to any of us who have gone through or are going through a contested adoption . . . knowing that in your heart you blamed yourself and not the adoptive parents for losing your son. StacyKelly, I am so praying for your wait to end soon. Please continue with the strength God and others are giving to you, through Him and His goodness. I am in tears thinking of you and of Michele and her story. We're still trying to work out a relationship with our baby's birthmother, as we now know that she had a lot to do with the contested adoption, not only regretting her adoption decision but likely wanting birthfather back also. We love her, we thank her for her gift to our family. We just so wish she had placed her baby knowing in her heart she was doing the right thing. With all the counseling she had, all the options she could have chosen, I think she was young and immature and not really listening to what was being said in terms of the adoption being permanent and her place in an open adoption. It's hard being the adoptive mom feeling guilty for the love I have for this child and the joy she brings because someone else is hurting . . . the person who carried her so lovingly for 9 months. Again, Michele, thank you for sharing your very sincere words. Your message gave me a lot of strength today. Your son is very, very lucky and so is the adoptive family to have been placed with the child you truly loved more than yourself.