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So here it is; my son is going to be four in May. He has always been such joy in my life. I love him sooooo much. He is smart, loving, and energetic. The problem is he won't listen. He has never had a problem with it before. He has always cleaned his room when I ask, to be quiet when I ask, and never used to get into things. Now he throws food and toys on the floor all the time, won't leave the cat alone (he is mean to her), won't clean his room, interrupts conversations, and talks back. That is just a few things that he has started doing. I have always praised him for being good, and telling him I am proud of him and disipline kept to a talking to. Now he is just testing my patience all the time, and rebuting with WHY, even after an explanation. OOOOH I can't stand that. For punishments I have; swatted his butt, and gave up on that. (SPANKING DOESN'T WORK!), time outs, taken toys away, etc. Now it just is me screaming at him. I gave us a little time off by sending him to my mom for the weekend, but he is still acting bad. What do I do?
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Welcome to THREE. People talk about the "terrible twos", so when we slide through that age unscathed we breath a sigh of relief and say "My, we are such good parents!" Then our little angels turn three. I have no idea why nobody ever warns us that the only age harder than three is thirteen. But, it is. Your dependant little angel is learning to be an independant creature. He has just discovered that he is indeed a separate entity from you, and as such has the ability to say no. And although he is very actively trying to establish his separateness, he also is scared to let you go! So, he will do everything he can to make sure he has your attention. throwing food and toys on the floor, torturing the cat and testing your patience in every possible way is doing just that. Congratulations on learning so quickly that spanking doesn't work. I am sure you will learn just as quickly that screaming doesn't either. Try (I know, easier said than done) to keep your reactions to a minimum since his objective is to get a reaction out of you. If he throws his toys on the floor, he loses the toy. If he throws his food on the floor the meal is over. These things are done in a calm, non emotional manner. "Oh, I see you don't want to play with this toy anymore." Toy is gone. Find a copy of Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay... better yet find a Love and Logic course in your community.
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An experienced mom friend of mine told me that children respond with "why" because they know it will get a response from you ..... and that is their way (the only way they know how just yet) to have a conversation. They are not trying to get you all upset with "why" but merely learning language skills. The phase eventually passes.
my three year old is now doing this...drives me batty but I play the game until her why's are exhausted. Her biggest thing is WHAT? Like something is wrong with me for interacting with her...Just last week she was screaming bloody murder in her bedroom at 1 am and I go in to see what is wrong and she says, what??! LOL I was not happy at the time.
The "Love and Logic" system really works well for us. The book is a little thick to have time to read right now, but there is a simpler shorter version called "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" (same authors) for parents of young children. It's an easy read and has good examples. My almost three-year-old responds amazingly well to it, and it worked great for his big sister, too. Anyway, Good luck! Heh-Heh. Right there with you!
Hi! Well, if your child asks you why there is no problem answering the question, BUT if after you asnwered the question and he keeps asking why? Why? And why? He is trying to keep you from correcting him or hindering you from what you are supposed to do, trying to get your attention all the time. Explain to him that what you say is what he is told to do, no seconds after thoughts. Talking about spanking, I have an experience with that myself. My mom used to discipline me through spanking and I was a sweet child before, after she started spanking me I became an aggressive and more disobediant child, seeying that she started talking to me instead and just letting spanking for the major of major things I did wrong. So she probably spanked me 1 or 2 a year, instead of every week or every month and I became the more flexible child once again. I don't know you, but one thing I know is that if you say something, you got to mean what you say and follow through with it. In this case if the child did something wrong and is terriblelly sorry for it and you see they truely mean it, doesn't mean they are going to get away from what you said as being the correction just because they are sorry. They did it and there is a consequence for it. Children when they get to that point they will test us to see who is really in control and if you don't get a hold of that position you child will understand they can get their way. Stick always with what you say, and even though it's a consequence for their bad doing and they are sorry, stick with it, because we love our children and we want them to grow having respect for others, specially their parents and authority figures. Hope this helps.
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