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:confused: Hi To All,
I am confused and needed some feedback from adoptive parents, if I may.
The adoptive mother of my birth son wrote me a five page letter and sent to me a photo album of my son and his family. She sent it October 29th, 1993.
I never recieved it until December 21st, 2006. in her letter she described my son's life with her and the rest of his family. She was very attentive to details, and the photos showed my son going to school, and being with his family. She requested that we stay in touch and inquired about my other two sons and my health.
I have searched for her since then. But have not been successful.
I recently had to stop searching after registering at many reuion sites.
My health, and my attitude were getting worse and it is not how God wants me to live, I believe.
I have forgiven the individuals involved for forcing my son from me. I have forgiven (somewhat) my self for allowing them to force him from me.
I am so very appreciative to the woman that my son calls "Mom" for the letters and the photo album, but mostly for loving him. The pictures show that she and the rest of the family love him something fierce. Even her letter does.
So my greatest fear and prays to God had been answered regarding my son being loved and cared for. I am grateful for that. Very much so.
I have not been able to contact the adoptive parents as I have stated above, and have to live with that until God sees fit to change that.
It was, and is extremely is difficult for me, but I have faith.
My question is;
Do you think, because my son is developmentally delayed 9as the adoptive mother said in the letter), or was at the time of the letter, that he would be able o look on the registry sites for reunions to find me if he so choose? Do you believe that I shouuld stop contacting CCS for their assistance in finding the adoptive parents? Finally, what is "Unidentifying Information" and how do I go about getting it from Sal Lake City, Utah?
I thank you for your time and consideration.
God Bless You All!
Be Blessed!
urnlove@sbcglobal.net
[/FONT][URL="http://www.myspace.com/love_faith-Hope_family"]http://www.myspace.com/love_faith-Hope_family[/URL]
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I am not sure what kind of adoption plan you had with the adoptive family as far as contact. To me, if the adoptive family wrote you a letter they respected you enough to keep you informed and updated about your son. I think its important for a birth mom and the adoptive parents to keep in contact. But that is my personal opinion. In our situation the birth mom and I communicate with one another. For us, that works. You need to know what you want and how you feel about contact with the adoptive parents. Everyone is different so it all depends on how you feel. I wish you peace and hope everything works out. Keep us posted.
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It's terrible that the letter took 13 years to get to you. It is possible that the adoptive mom thought you had received the letter right away and because you did not respond to it, she may have felt that you wanted to put that part of your life behind you and move on. She may have not tried again to contact you out of respect. If this was the case, I bet she waited a long time with anticipation for you. It is so sad that it seems you both wanted the same thing but the communication was not there. Did you use a agency? Did you meet originally? Did the agancy hold your letter? You don't have to answer if these are to personal. It is just sad for everyone involved and I am sooo sorry for that.I think, depending on the level of developmental delays in your son, it may not be possible for him to search. I don't know. Also, being that there are dev delays, his Amom may be more protective of him. Since you did not respond to the letter and if she doesn't know what kind of person you are, she may have stopped searching to protect him from possible hurt. It sounds to me that years of hurt on everyone's part would have been gone if that letter would have arrived on time.I don't really know. I am just trying to put myself in the situation and think of possible senarios. I think I would keep looking if I were you. Pray, pray, pray and God will answer.Best of Luck and God Bless You.-M
[FONT="Arial"]I appreciate you all taking the time to respond to my post. It has really helped to hear your opions. The way it has helped is, some of my thoughts on this has been reaffirmed. Thank you.
I have a closed adoption and was allowed to write a letter to my son just prior to signing the adoption papers. I did not know at the time what wa going on. I was heavily drugged and well taken care of in the hospital. Never fully aware of any decisions I was supposed to make. Just sereal, and pretty much in never, never land, so to speak.
I sogned the paperwork on the 90th day since I had 90 days to do so. I cried when I wrote my son the letter that I thought was so very little coming from his birth mother. How do you tell your son that you love him and wanted him in a letter? How can you predict whether or not he will recieve it? How can you say all that is in your heart at that perticular time and put it on paper? I could not, but I wrote a letter that was wet with tears in hope that he would recieve it, but believing at the time that he would not.
I hear a lot about unidentifying information, but do not know how to go about it.
I figured God has His plan irregardless of mine.
I want to keep looking. I love my son and have never stopped loving him. I admire adoptive parents, and feel genuienly pleased and secure in knowing that there are individuals, people who care enough. I hope I am explaining myself correctly. I am doing my best.
I was very angry that my son was forced from me. he father said, "If you keep him, I am taking our 2 sons away from you." The state said, "If you do not sign the adoption papers, we will withhold your social services check. So, sign the papers, we will put you and your family up in the Ronald McDonald program for famalies with severely ill children, and then you need to leave Utah."
I am not angry any more. I am patient, hopeful, prayerful, and as faithful as I can be.
I do not, am not giving up, yet, I do not want to disrupt my son life. How will looking for him effect him? Does he know he is adopted? I have thought also that the adoptive mother probably thinks that I did not care because I never responded to her letter. Why would and how could this happen?
Thank you all for listening. I am aware that in the end, there is only faith.
God Bless you all for being the mothers you are. Thank you, :thanks: adoptive mother and family of my son, wherever you are for loving my son with all that you have. He deserves that.
Be Blessed![/FONT]
I am glad to see your posting and your not giving up on finding your son. Always know you are his birth mom and nobody can ever change that. Every circumstance of adoption is different. I am glad to see that you have come to find some peace after the fact that it seems you were forced into your choice of adoption. Having faith can pull you through anything. I know as I am going through a contested adoption...(long story). Seeing what the birth mom of our son went through we witnessed her love..and her most courageous choice of adoption. Never, ever will we forget the love she has for her son!!! He will know the love of his birth mom always...I wish you all the best. You blessed a couple more then you could ever know.
[FONT="Arial Black"]:thanks: Thanks to all for your responses. I have to tell you that Scott, my birth son, has contacted his brother today. God is surely good as always. It just confirms my faith. I am not sure how to respond. I just know that Scott contacted his brother Victor. Victor is very happy to hear from him. I will not pester Victor with questions. Scott may decide to contact his other brother, Vincent. It is good that they are getting to know one another. I am happy that Scott is well, alive, healthy, and loved.
It still has not sunk in yet.
I am just grateful to God. For now, that is enough.
I love my son's. All 3 of them. I returned them to God. I await patiently, as patient as I can, to hear, or to not hear from Scott. My heart is overjoyed that God is so, so good.
I do not know how this will turn out. It is not for me to know until God see's fit. I am at a lost for words, but feel..........happy for my sons.
Be Blessed!
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