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Mother's Day is just around the corner. This day is often one of the most painful days of the year for birthmothers/firstmothers, aside from the day of our child's relinquishment.
We are mothers and are often not recognized as such. I know, for me, my son's family does not acknowledge me or my motherhood on Mother's day or even on Birthmother's day. I'm okay with that, for many years I wasn't, but I've come to terms with it.
I've come to realize that I have to honor myself on Mother's Day. I honor my motherhood and the role I played in my son's life.
How do you honor yourself and your motherhood on Mother's Day?
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Jenna - HUGS - I think it's important for us to do what we need to do to take care of ourselves and if it is ignoring Mother's Day, etc. then so be it.
I will be attending a Birthmother's Day event on Saturday as I do every year. I am the emcee again this year at the event. This day is not a celebration of my "birthmotherhood", instead it is a day of reflection and a day to honor the connection my son and I have. It is a day full of emotion. I truly believe that having the event to go to every year has been healing for me in my journey.
[FONT="Century Gothic"]I get a card from my therapist but I don't get anything from L&B. Still coming to grips with that. It hurts. It still hurts. It makes me livid but that I am trying to deal with.
I will be seeing E on Saturday and I may just walk around Boston or just go up to NH and sit at the beach for awhile. On Sunday, I have to play the good granddaughter and go down and go out to lunch. We normally do this anyway but noone outside of my brother and SIL know about J.[/FONT]
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Mothers Day never affected me, I think because DD was born six weeks before, and my first Mothers Day I had just gotten home from college, and was so intent on keeping my secret I wouldn't allow myself to think of the fact that I was a mother. No one knows about DD in my family, and no one who does know of her ever brings her up without me doing it first. Now and then I can remember feeling a bit empty on subsequent Mothers Days, but nothing debilitating. I didn't even know there WAS a Birthmothers Day until I joined this forum last summer. But I do think it's ironic that for a period of time, my mom and I did an annual Mothers Day outlet shopping trip on the Saturday before Mothers Day. This year on Saturday I will be doing my Pre-Cana class for my wedding, and on Sunday I will see my mom and grandmother for brunch and dinner at my fiance's parents house. I would LOVE to hear something from DD's a mom seeing that it is the first year I have had contact with her in a long time, but I'm not really holding my breath! :) Happy Mothers Day everyone!!!:love:
HBV
Amom asking---
If aparents could do something for you to make this day easier or more joyful, what would it be?
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For me, really, nothing that D (or J) could do would make it "better." Personally that's because my feelings and emotions regarding the holiday are not their fault or responsibility, ya know? That's not to say that their cards/presents aren't welcomed: they are! But the day itself is just hard in its own uniquely difficult way, no matter who tries to make it "good," if that makes ANY sense. (I mean, normally my Husband can make all of my cares disappear but... even on Mother's Day he finds himself unable to "fix it.")
Ditto Jenna, there is nothing anyone can really do to "fix" my own feelings, but a card, e mail, just any type of thinking of you or acknowledgement would make me smile and brighten my day.:flowergift: (that goes for the other 364 days as well, but it's even more special on Mothers Day!!!)
well, Mother's Day and birthmothers day have come and gone, but it would be nice to be aknowledged by DD's amom, just to let me know that she realizes that this day affects me.
The emails and things I got from my cyber friends are great of course, but on this weekend DD's amom and I experience such different things because of our shared baby. Just the recognition that I exist would have been nice. Not less painful, but nice.
thanksgivingmom
well, Mother's Day and birthmothers day have come and gone, but it would be nice to be aknowledged by DD's amom, just to let me know that she realizes that this day affects me.
The emails and things I got from my cyber friends are great of course, but on this weekend DD's amom and I experience such different things because of our shared baby. Just the recognition that I exist would have been nice. Not less painful, but nice.
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Mother's Day is nice for me as I focus on my parented daughter and I don't want to take away HER joy at being able to give me the gift she made in class, etc. She's young enough to be excited about all that and we do happy family things. I have never been acknowledged by the adoptive parents on Mother's Day and while in one way it'd be nice to be acknowledged, in another way, I don't know if it would bring me down and put a dampener on the day. Unless of course, I was hearing directly from my son. That would be wonderful.Lucy
I'm an amom who has been lurking on this board and I thank you for this discussion. My son's birthmom and I spent the Saturday before MOther's Day with "our" son...just the 2 of us. We went to the zoo, had lunch and exchanged gifts. We were walking together and a man shouted out , "happy mother's day": and we both looked at each other, laughed and said "Thanks" at the same time. He looked confused but it was a nice bonding moment for us. My son's birthfather isn't sure if he wants to do anything for father's day but we'll at least give him a call and my husband is making a mix CD for him. Thanks for voicing all of your thoughts, hopes and fears...I feel it is helping me so much as an aparent.