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My mom wishes me to miscarry, she has said this, she's not happy with me even wanting to give my child up for adoption? I don't know what her problem is, but I know I can't deal with this the rest of my life.
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I am an adoptive mother of a little girl who was nearly aborted twice. My daughter's birth mother was raped at 13 by a man of a differnet race and her mother took her to the abortion clinic for the abortion. She was paying for the procedure and helped keep accurate information from her daughter in order to insure that the girl went through with the abortion. The clinic gave misinformation also (no one would want a "bi-racial rapist's baby", "at 20 weeks, your baby isn't even formed yet", and "if you don't consent to this abortion, you are going to die"). After the abortion began (the manual dilation process), the young lady became aggitated from the pain. The abortion was rescheduled so her mother could get more money to cover general anesthesia. In the interm, this young lady managed to get accurate fetal development information (her baby WAS formed long before the 20th week!) and learned more about abortion, her risks, and her options. She chose adoption. Her mother was upset at first. She eventually adjusted to the reality that her young daughter was pregnant, having a baby, and placing that baby for adoption. We met with both mother and daughter in advance of the birth so we were not complete strangers. I think this helped. It took some time, but eventually this woman came to terms with the situation. Ulitmately, it would be the mother of the baby who would have to deal with the emotional consequences of an abortion (or in your case, a miscarriage) and the mourning of the death of their baby. An abortion or miscarriage does not erase the baby nor the memory of that baby. Her mother and your mother can pretend the pregnancy never happened and the baby never existed, but you will never forget. Ultimately, she delivered a healthy, beautiful baby girl and I watched "grandma" melt...it was her 1st grandchild. She fell in love and realized wishing abortion (or in your case, miscarriage) was wishing the literal death of THIS baby...not some hypothetical baby, but an actual baby...the baby that was now in her arms. She was thankful her daughter had the strength and courage to have her baby. THe young lady told me immediately after she gave birth "it was all worth it". Keep in mind, she was in the 8th grade and under tremendous pressure to abort. She writes me about how thankful she is. We love her! She is part of our family and we tell our daughter all about her and how amazing she is. I hope and pray your mother will recognize that you are showing strength and character. That you are loving your baby in the best way you can and doing your best to protect him or her so he or she will be healthy. You are already a mother and you are proving it daily. Please be patient with your mother. I know you are disappointed and frustrated with the way she is handling this and with the things she says. She will surely one day regret her behavior. Stay strong and keep your chin up. You can do this... :cheer:
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No, I don't live with my mom, I have my own apartment but I can't just stay away from her. She pays my rent at the moment, it's a long story.Yes, I see a therpistMy mom wanted me to get an abortion originally, actually I was pregenat back in january and because of all the stress I was going through at the time, I miscarried. This time she didn't ask to get an abortion, she bascally tried to force me but I'm 24 and she really can't force me to do anything. I really don't think that will be the case, she loves my son but I don't think that she thinks I'm really going to go through with this and she'd be hit up for money, which is not the case.
Best of luck to you Jolene. At 24, and with your own apartment, you have some good things going for you at this moment. I would research any options that can provide you with some financial assistance, so that you do not need to rely so much on your mom while you are dealing with your pregnancy. I believe there are many different sources than can provide you with assistance. Good luck to you.
Jo,
I'm sorry your mom is having those feelings,but mom is not a factor in this matter.
You have to do what is right for you and the baby,you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make for this child.
And as a mom myself,I just don't understand mothers who act this way.
Angie
Thanks for writing that Angie...I don't understand how some moms can be like that either. We work to build a relationship of trust with our kids and then when they need us most, they what? Just freak out. As if they have never done anything that wasn't waht their parents "wanted"? Do they completely forget how it feels to be the child (even ADULT child)? My hope is that the initial shock, disappointment, or tantrum for not getting her own way (or whatever emotions she is feeling) level out and she becomes "MOM" again and then "GRANDMA". Sad. I know as a mommy, I mess up, but I pray I never react to a crisis my child is having in such a way.
Jo,
I think a lot of moms who are reading your posts are sending you hugs...please accept them from us. You are getting lots and lots of them right now event though you don't see our arms, I hope somewhere inside you can feel them. Take care of yourself and your baby. You be the mom to your child that you wish your mom was to you a this moment.
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My mother said to me, after choosing a family for my daughter, that she would rather I had an abortion than place with that family. She now (and then) loves my daughter's parents. She was just angry and confused on her own at the time and, when she's angry, she says things that she wouldn't otherwise say. It took me a LONG time to forgive her for that statement but I have been able to do so. It may take you awhile but I hope you also find that place.
I am so sorry your mother said that to you. It makes me think of all the girls and women who make decisions based on those kinds of comments that they later regret. I'm glad you have been able to move past that with your mom and I hope she now realizes the significance of what she said.
Take Care
I cannot imagine a mom saying those words. I hope for your sake and your little angels, that you can just be at peace with your choice, and not allow your mom to stress you with hurtful words. You are doing what you feel is best for your baby and that is all that should matter. I am sure everyone has their opinion, but bottom line you are the one who has to live with your choice, not your mom. You would think she would be thankful for your responisble actions of choosing adoption. Choosing life for your baby is a most courageous and loving choice...- As an adoptive mom I can tell you that we love our little angel to pieces...He is our entire world!!! Our son's birth mom has just blessed us beyond words! For years we longed to adopt, and the hole in our hearts was finally filled with our angel!!! Our many, many prayers were finally answered... Hearing the words mommy and daddy have just filled such an emptiness...Our lives are now just so filled with joy...We still communicate with our son's birth mom, and we know without her, this would not have been for us. Doing what is right for your baby is all that matters. Hopefully your mom will see, that you are doing just that! I wish you peace in your decision.
Jolene, Unfortunately parents often say hurtful things out of their own pain (so do daughters!) One reason that led me to place my son was my Mom's constant refrain, "We loved you but we didn't want you" (because I was born 11 months after their marriage). When it comes to our children, we all have dreams and expectations. When our children become pregnant as teens, unmarried,etc., it often means a loss of the dreams parents have. That leads to grief. Denial is one of the major components of grief. (This is not happening... if you miscarry -- or abort-- we can pretend it never happened.) As parents we want the best for our children (of course our children rarely agree with us on what is best.) Recognise that your mom is not going to be the support system you need, and that she's not able/willing to be the parent you need right now. It's ok to be angry/sad about that. Find others who can support you, a friend, the father of the baby (you haven't said if there's a relationship there). These forums will provide you support (with varying opinions!) as well as a place to vent.
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