Advice for future step-parent of adopted child...

Wow. You are going to be engaged soon and you haven't met your soon to be step-son? Hehe. I'm just teasing! My son [who is now adopted by me] was on the first date I had with my wife... lol :P She had to bring him along though :)My situation is probably quite different than yours but we now have a bio child together (3 month old baby boy). I can't really say how our older one feels about all of it because he is only 3.5 yrs old but I can't imagine it being anything but good. He hugs and kisses his brother and wants to hold him so much. If he is crying he try's to comfort him and says, "don't cry baby". It's so cute.Best of luck.

First of all...best of luck on the step-mom role you are about to step into. I have done it for the last 8 years and it is the hardest thing I have EVER done. As for the blended family thing...the blended family has increasingly become today's traditional family. I believe if you don't make a big deal out of it, they will not think a thing about it. Our biggest challenge in "blending" was the EX wife...completely against us having our own children! Even went so far as to say not to try too hard to get pg because she knew I would stop loving her children if I had my own. She tried to tell the girls that they would not get any more attention and that their father would not love them as much or have time for them. Kids are smart though. Despite the age differences and ex wife, all FOUR of OUR kids love each other more than anything!

Thank you both for your help. As for the wait, I think he is waiting to avoid the backlash from the ex-wife. And yes, I can see her being a problem, even though he says that they are somewhat civil. I waited a long time before my daughter met him, and waited even longer when she was younger. I told him it would be fine whenever he is ready. Kids get attatched, so I figure he is waiting till after we officially get engaged. I know I don't like my daughter meeting every one of her fathers girlfriends when they come around. I would just like to have us all get together for family time on occasion (he has visitation 2 afternoons a week), and have the 2 kids get to know eachother, and not have him feel as if he is left out, or that my daughter is taking away his father.I forgot to mention in my first post, that his son was adopted from Korea. Therefore, I am very nervous of what will happen in the future with him feeling as if he fits into our family especially after his father having a biological child. We are both Caucasion americans, my daughter is half hispanic... we make a great melting pot!B-N-B-M -Now that ex-wife really has guts to say that. It makes me nervous to some degree... since they weren't able to have a bio child together, I can see her coming up with something like that. They didn't go through fertility testing, in order to not blame either party... he is planning on getting tested for my sake as well as his own. We really want to be blessed with more kids together, but however our family ends up... we will make it work.

Reality is that she was more concerned about her child support going down! She has said MANY times that we can have the girls as much as we want as long as she is still getting that check every other week. Like I said...being a step-mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. Admittedly, 8 years later...had I known, I probably never would have married DH.

Well, Parenting is one of the most important jobs in the world, but it is also one of the most overlooked and underestimated jobs. With a parenting plan on your side, you can help take some of the edge off and remain calm within the parameters of your new occupation. Without a good parenting plan, your job can become extremely complicated and can offer you little respite in terms of working with your children. Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times. We feel like they're not listening to us; they feel like we're not listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting. Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly. In this busy world, your day-to-day activities put a strain on your time with your child; the activities are your work, household chores and some social activities. Its very important to spend quality time together, as it helps your child to trust you and it also strengthens the bond between parent and child. Children often do better in school, and excel in extracurricular activities, hobbies or sports, whose parents spend quality time with them. And though it can be 'scheduled' to a degree, it's something that happens when you least expect it. Therefore itҒs important to do things together that you both enjoy and spend as much time as possible with your child in a relaxed atmosphere. :gnome: