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Well, I have done everything I can think of since I reached legal searching age. Registered with the ISRR, scoured every forum I could find unitl my eyes bled, even went out on a limb and asked those cheesey afternoon talk shows to help me, and I now realize that it's time to give up. I have written so many times: "Baby girl most likely born fort meyers FL on 6-20-1985, adopted through private attorney named goldberg, red hair, green eyes" that my fingers are going to fall off. The facts are that either A.) all the information I have ever been told is wrong and I am searching in all the wrong places with no hope of ever finding a someone looking for a baby girl with my history. Or B: (and according to occom's razor, the likely answer) no out there cares enough to look for me. Am I writing this to whine or incure pity? No, at the ripe old age of 22, I'd like to think I am above that. I think that one day this may in fact get read by my brith mother and I have a few things to say to her before I throw in the towel for good. First of all and formost, thanks for giving me life (and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, you didn't have to have me), I like to think I am making the most of it, but **** you for not bothering to look for me. Not to say I don't understand, I imagine that I have alot of you in me since I am able to understand so well. You were young and you have probably since gotten married and had other children. I doubt you have ever even told your husband and children I exist. You gave me life and that was enough for you, you did your part and washed your hands of me. I really do understand. It's most likely exactly what I would have done. I am going to be a lawyer and the ability to exercise detached indifference with such great ease (a gift I think you most likely gave me) will, according to my professors be a great asset. Unforchantly you are my Achilles heel, and I find myself unable to apply that particular gift to you. My adoptive parents (lovely, loving people by the way) tell me that, from what the lawyer told them, I look like you. Maybe they are just trying to make me feel more conected to you, or maybe it's true. I don't know. I do know that I search the face of every other short, red haired woman I pass on the street and wonder if it's you. I wonder if you do the same? Maybe you only think about me on my birthday, or maybe you don't think of me at all. I don't know. I don't know anything at all about you, and you don't know anything at all about me. I'm giving up, I'm frustrated and I'm sad. But I like to think that one day curiosity will get the better of you and you'll take a look here and find this. Maybe it will just feed your ego to know I bothered to look or maybe you'll track me down. Either way, the balls in your court now, I did my searching.
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