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So after about a year of going back and forth, my spouse and I have decided to divorce. I care about him very much still but cannot live with someone who has hurt me so much and didn't see that until now. Does anyone have ideas of how to cope better? I haven't gone to a counselor as I don't believe it'll help anymore than it already has. Since I work and am in school I keep busy most of the time. But there'll be times when I just think of how things will be changed and I have to keep from busting out in tears again. It's for the better and think I'm feeling like this mainly because it's still in process and never imagined myself to be at this point in life. Just needed to put it out in words I guess but if anyone has an idea hoe i can help move past this faster it would be appreciated. Guess it's hard that although we're agreeing on this, how is it I'm feeling so sad while he doesn't seem like it phases him. Like he's waiting to get this over with so his friends can take him out and he can notice other women wihout hiding it anymore. :'(
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Divorce simply sheds the light on what everyone already knew about the people in the marriage. Sometimes in brings out other things, but no one is THAT surprised. This is a loss and like all losses, it must be grieved. If it makes you feel any better, I WOULD changed places with you for less than a million dollars. Why? Cause this will pass (grief can take up to 5 years) and you will be happy again. hugs. and I do not mean to sound cold and callus either. Broken hearts hurt. Peole who let us down hurt.
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Divorce simply sheds the light on what everyone already knew about the people in the marriage. Sometimes in brings out other things, but no one is THAT surprised. This is a loss and like all losses, it must be grieved. If it makes you feel any better, I WOULD changed places with you for less than a million dollars. Why? Cause this will pass (grief can take up to 5 years) and you will be happy again. hugs.
I'm sorry. Please know it is NORMAL to feel sad when a marriage fails. It's hard and painful and disappointing and so many other things. It's normal to grieve the loss of the life you thought you'd have, together.What isn't normal is when you get stuck in place in your grief and sadness and can't see a way to move forward. It does take time... but with time, it should get somewhat easier. You say you haven't been to a counselor because you "don't believe it'll help anymore than it already has." If you really feel stuck in your sadness, then a good therapist can, indeed, help.Be gentle with yourself at this difficult time...
Thank you. I can and have already made plans for my future as I'll be graduating this May as a nurse. My friends have been supportive and know I do not feel hate towards my husband. I guess I am finding it more difficult as it is a great loss and failure in a marriage. But we both know this decision is for the best and that we both should move on in our lives. I have gone to a counselor with my husband and alone and had discussed all of this, however although I care for him I cannot allow myself to be hurt to the point that I doubt everything about me. He knew that his actions had taken me to the point where I woke up every day being more than overly critical about myself. I eventually put myself on meds to help with anxiety. It has been months since I've felt so terrible about my looks, intelligence, etc. I feel much better about myself and sadly it was because I had to take charge of myself again and leave the situation. Perhaps it's just more saddening to me that my husband's actions didn't help me get better but were the reason's why I had such low self esteem.Sorry to whoever reads this, my thoughts are all over the place but needed to get my thoughts out. I certainly appreciate the comments, advice given. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read. Have a great day.
" Perhaps it's just more saddening to me that my husband's actions didn't help me get better but were the reason's why I had such low self esteem."This was me. I was afraid of my shadow. I don't think he loved me, yet he stayed for 14 years and allowed my Adad to build a house, pay off HIS credit cards etc... He found another person during our split (they are still together) and they seem to be okay. I hate to think that he only used me for a punching bag.
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