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in two weeks! We just feel totally lost and are now wondering what we should do. After the first one we were a bit shell-shocked, but we were ready to go again. Then the second call came sooner than we anticipated, but everything about the situation sounded so perfect. So again we packed the car and drove across states to where the mom and baby were. This time we met her whole family, they all called us "mom and dad" and we were able to get into the NICU to hold and feed the baby - no one from their family went in to see her. Everything was certain until it wasn't and the mom changed her mind. We are just devastated. They had even put the name we selected on her birth certificate. For 2 days, this was our daughter. Now we're back home and unsure of whether or not we're ready to go again. We're so scared now. Just wanted to share a bit of our situation.
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These are difficult times. Sometimes you need to take a step back from the circle. Some people are ready to move quickly some are not. No choice is wrong. You need to take the time to grieve your loss. Pamper yourself a bit. You will know if it is right for you to jump on the train again or not. We have been in your shoes, like so many on these boards. All we can do is send prayers and let you know that we are here for you. I truely believe that if it is meant to be it will be and that these things happen for a reason. There is a baby waiting in the wings to choose you for their forever family. It might take some time but it will happen. Stay strong.
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Hi Robin, I know how you feel. our 2nd failed adoption was Sept. 5, 2006. I went into therapy for awhile and we decided to back off the adoption stuff. I was told by my therapist that this is like having a child die. We needed to grieve, be angry, be sad, etc. This I did. Things I learned...It's ok to cry, it's ok to question God, pampering is good, a journal is an excellent source of relief, I practiced "HALT". I tried not to let myself get to hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I confided in people who knew me best and avoided people who would only have "buzz words or phrases" to consol me, I also turned down invitations to things like baby showers or certain functions until I was ready to attend. People who know me best understand and harbor no ill-will that I wasn't at their baby shower. These are things I had to do. I will keep you in my prayers.Michele
We had two failed matches including meeting the babies and spending time with the parents and stuff like that. Ours were a few months apart. I was looking at your timeline and it seems that you have had such a rollercoaster ride in a very short period of time. I'm so sorry for that! One thing that helped us is to talk to the caseworker after our first experience to tell her that we were very scared of it happening again. We had to accept that we had no control over what happened to us. It wasn't about us and it's not about you. We knew that we would be bringing a baby home eventually. When get got the call about our daughter, it was after we had told the agency not to call us until after the TPR had been done because it was too painful for us. It turned out to be the same caseworker from our failed match number 2. She remembered how hurt we were and chose us when our daughter's birthmother asked her to pick a family for our baby. I'm sorry you are going through this.
We had two failed matches in 6 weeks. In both cases we (like you) drove long distances, met the moms, and took care of the babies. We had the second baby with us at our hotel for 2 days when mom changed her mind. We were crushed, angry, frustrated and confused. My dh especially had trouble being able to continue on...he DID NOT want to go through it again. We had another failed match months later, then a couple of weeks after that we had our son. Like someone mentioned before, it IS a rollercoaster, and at times you just want to throw up! Please know we grieve with you and know what you're going through. God Bless You,Michelle
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