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I'm not always on top of my own game and forgot to mention here, on the BP in OA forum, that I'm doing a chapter review of the book Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption by James L. Gritter over on the birth/first parent blog. I'm taking it one chapter at a time and there are fourteen so, if you don't have the book and you want to read along, you still have time to grab it and catch up. (The [URL="http://adoptionshop.com/adoption_products/lifegivers-087868770X.html"]adoption store has it[/URL] if you're interested. It can be found elsewhere, too!)
As of right now I have:
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/beginning-a-chapter-review-of-lifegivers"]The Overview[/URL]
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-one"]Chapter One[/URL]
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-two"]Chapter Two[/URL]
Tomorrow morning, Chapter Three will post.
Please feel free to leave comments on the blogs or discuss your own personal feelings about the book here. For me, the first time I read the book (in my first post-placement year), I learned a lot about MYSELF. I'm now reading it for the second time and learning a lot about OTHERS. I really feel that ALL involved in OA should be reading this book.
:)
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SchmennaLeigh
Leigh; That whole hoping for magic thing? Oh yeah. I kept waiting to win the lottery. Not that I was able to leave my home and buy a ticket. But I was waiting.
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Jenna, for me it was the fact that B and his ex had thought of adoption for his son and they couldn't go thru with signing the papers. They did everything but. I kept hoping that since he couldn't do it with C then he wouldn't be able to do it again with J. I was stupid for thinking that. Right up until the point I watched him sign his name - I was hoping even then that he would say no. I didn't have the strength or the voice to say it.
Agree with you on Chapter 7. Am a few pages into it.[/FONT]
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-seven"]Chapter seven[/URL] is posted on the blog. Gotta throw this quote over here, too:
"Lifegivers by James L Gritter
If we want adoption to produce healthy results for evreyone involved, we will continually expand our understanding of the unique grief of open adoption birthparents and grow in our ability to support them more effectively.
And that's why that chapter is important.
I'm mostly dreading writing the review for the next chapter, which will be done in two parts because of the length. No one ever wants to hear about birth parent regret because it's too big and too scary for many to deal with, however, it is so vitally important.
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-the-first-half-of-chapter-eig"]The First Half of Chapter Eight[/URL] is up on the blog.
In the first half, I've discussed how Gritter names the different kinds of regret that birth parents could feel/experience post-placement. I'm curious as to whether or not other birth parents (who are reading along or who [URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-the-first-half-of-chapter-eig"]jump over[/URL] and read the brief explanations I've included) feel as though more than one "label" of regret applies to them or their situation.
I, personally, fall under a few. (I think!)
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-the-second-half-of-chapter-ei"]The Second Half of Chapter Eight[/URL] is up on the blog.
Also, this afternoon will be a post with everyones' discussions linked and quoted about regret.
All that said, I'm completely DRAINED in discussing this topic over the past few days.
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I don't blame you.
I am not sure if I am going to be able to even read Chapter 8 without falling apart. Just glancing through it and I am finding myself in a number of those that he points out.
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-nine"]Chapter Nine[/URL] is up on the blog.
It gives some real guidance to birth parents (and adoptive parents) who are struggling with what to "do" in an open adoption (your purpose, etc).
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-ten"]Chapter Ten[/URL] is up on the blog. Any thoughts on this one?
I also started [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/birthparents-open-adoption/310188-role-birth-parents-oa.html#post1957778"]a thread[/URL] to specifically discuss the "role" of birth parents in open adoption. Feel free to join in with personal discussion [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/birthparents-open-adoption/310188-role-birth-parents-oa.html#post1957778"]there[/URL].
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I'm working on eight, but have come up with TONS of forum discussions I would like to have based on some of the passages! I'll go through all my highlighted sections once I finish the whole book and hopefully get some convos started up.
Thanks for this book recomendation and the chapter reviews though Jenna! This book is opening my eyes in so many ways...
[URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-twelve"]Chapter Twelve[/URL] is up on the blog.
While it's not supposed to make birth parents feel like failures, I know I don't do everything right. Gah.
The last two chapters, [URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-thirteen"]Thirteen[/URL] and [URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-chapter-fourteen"]Fourteen[/URL], are up on the blog.
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I've got a [URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/lifegivers-a-wrap-up"]wrap up[/URL] posted on the blog this morning.
Lad; Why didn't you like chapter 12? Remember that Gritter wasn't looking to discourage birth parents with that chapter.
[FONT="Century Gothic"]I think it has more to me just being in the place where I am now and not really in a great place that it just makes me feel worse.
Oh I know he wasn't looking to do that. I was telling E when I returned her copy to her last weekend I didn't like that fact that I felt like I was stuck as a "Splendid Doormat" and it has continued 3+ years later.[/FONT]