agency issues?

WHAT? I don't understand this.... I don't understand alot of what other agencies do. I had a great agency. It is also illegal here to offer an expectant mother money.

In PA, a-parents can't pay anything but medical and legal. Even in states that allow living expenses, they seem to have to be paid directly...i.e. send a check to the landlord, buy a gorcery store gift card. However, when the a-parents and the e-parents live in different states, they can choose (as long as they agree) which set of laws to follow. Default is birth-state...but all adult parties can sign a paper choosing the state the a-parents live in to govern the adoption. This means for expenses, legal post-birth contact agreements, time before the b-mom can sign paperwork and time the b-mom has to change her mind... I just thoguht it was an odd thing to say...

WRONG. If you've been told this, they are LYING!Both states laws must be followed, with that of the 'strictest' being the one usually followed. As for your questions, you are not obligated to work with any one agency. So if a couple directs you to their agency and you talk to them and the 'match' doesn't work - you are not obligated to continue with them. You simply say, "Sorry!" and move on. Most couples will (and I actually encourage them to) direct eparents to their agency/attorney - there are FAR to many scammers out there.

I feel like I'm on the opposite side of the coin. To me, it seems like practically all the bmom's are working with agencies and not looking to locate adoptive parents on their own. Your post gave me some encouragement, since it shows that profiles are actually looked at by bmoms? Our attorney told us that we wouldn't be successful posting our profile online and that we should do primarily print advertising in newspapers. Good luck.

huh...that's interesting and something important to remember...I wonder why they would say that then...she sounded so sure...What I need is to go find a law library. I understand wanting me to sign up with their agency or speak to their attorney if we think we might be a match...but if they can't answer simple questions directly, why are they posting on parent profiles? I ask a question to clarify something they wrote in their "Dear Birthmother" letter and I get a response from an agency urging me to sign up with them and not even answering my original question. sigh... can anyone recommend any blogs or books written by a-parents or articles or something that will help me understand this?

You don't "sign up" with an agency. You are free to come and go as you please, no matter what they might try to tell you.

Wow - I'm shocked! I sure hope that the agency we are using is not treating potential firstmothers that way - that is not right at all!! Unfortunately, I cannot help you too much with laws; we're still trying to figure it all out ourselves. But, what I can say is that the previous posters are right - you do not have to sign on with an agency. I think that if YOU chose to work with a particular agency, they would help you find adoptive parents, counseling, and anything else that goes along with it. However, even if that were the case, you have the right to back out whenever you choose. I think a lot of potential adoptive parents are just putting their guard up by directing you to their agency. However, I think it's important to get to know each other and see if there is potential for a match, you know? Just because you talk to a couple does not mean it's an instant match!! This is someone you are going to spend the rest of your life being a special part of - it's important that you find that perfect fit for YOU. Best wishes ;)

Ours was a private adoption, and we got to know the birth mom very well. We spoke over the phone, and then we met at the hospital. I attended every doctor's appointment and we really got to know each other very well. That was important to the birth mom and to us. Every person has their own opinion on which they prefer. For us, this special time talking and getting to know one another only made us become good friends. Our son is now 2 and still we communicate with the birth mom -send pictures and updates. The only thing we needed to do was obtain a lawyer. We listened to the birth mom's feelings, and wishes for her son- and we came to a verbal agreement together on our adoption plan. Together we helped one another with our feelings and throughout this whole time just respected one another. Today the birth mom say she is so at peace and knows she could not have picked more loving parents for her son. To us, that means the world...Just thought I would post maybe another route to take on adoption.