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[FONT=Verdana]Hello all. We have been in an open adoption now for about 3 1/2 years. In a few of the conversations we have had with our daughters birthmom before the adoption, she has stated that the way she was living her life before she got pregnant was not a good one and ultimately led to her getting pregnant. This consisted of partying a lot, drinking excessively and being very promiscious. She has said that she would never go back to that life style and that our daughter is her gardian angel that made her change. Our daughters birthmom has a myspace page and we will send messages back and forth on myspace every once in a while. Recently I have noticed that everything on her myspace page has to do with alcohol and partying. She has pictures of herself drinking and partying, one picture of her leaning over the toilet getting sick and mixed in are pictures of our daughter... Number one I am not happy that my daughters pictures are on her page where everything seems to revolve around alcohol and secondly, I am concerned about her and the fact that it appears that she is back to her "old ways". I know about a month and a half ago, she told me that she had a miscarriage she was supposed to get married and that fell apart and that she was going thru some rough times. She did not elaborate on any more than that.[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]What would you do in this situation? Would you talk with her? What would you say?? Or, would you just sit back and not say a thing? [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]
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Ah, the old myspace issue.... I've read a lot of posts on here similar to this, and I'm always curious since I too have used myspace in the past to try to gauge insight into, in my case, my DD's life. There are a lot of articles written on social networking pages and how they are used by employers and colleges to gain insight on prosepctive applicants, etc. So it amazes me that people STILL put up pictures of themselves partying excessively or using drugs or in "promiscuous" positions. Even on a profile set to private, some tend to forget that there are people on your "friends" list who are going to see these pics and draw their own conclusions. They are too busy trying to look "cool" on their page and are hoping to attract attention, albeit it's negative attention, but most young people don't see it that way. Sorry, I digress :) The thing is that she is aware that you check out her page, and she still presents herself in a negative manner, rather than in some scenarios I've read there the birthmother has no idea that they are being viewed by their child's adoptive parents and may not choose to represent themselves that way if they knew their page was viewed, KWIM? So in light of that I would open dialogue with her, since this is a topic you have discussed before. Ask her if she is OK, tell her you noticed the pics and are worried about her. If she is going through a rough time, it may be a cry for attention. At the very least, she may then realize that pics of her throwing up are not the least bit flattering to her image, and be more careful on how she chooses to represent herself online. No matter what, IMO you are absolutely 100% justified to be upset about your DD's pics on her page with the other pics, and I would not feel uncomfortable asking her to take them down. You have a right to how you want your DD's pics displayed on a public forum such as the internet. Hope that helps! Good lick!
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