Strong-Willed Child

My 15 yo son is a strong willed child. As a young child... WHEWWWWW, was it tough! But he has become easier to deal with over the years. I think his 2's and 3's are worse than his teenage years so far. (I say so far!!!!!! Don't want to jinx myself!) But we had a Teacher tell us once (and it really stuck with us).... that a pearl can not be formed without that grain of sand to irritate the oyster. My son is that sand, and he will create that pearl. I soooo believe that is true. Being strong willed isn't all bad. He has goals, ambitions, and a strong will to get where he wants to be!

So far I'm on chapter 5 of the book. Here are some of my notes...[LIST][*]Strong-willed children (SWC) aren't bad. These kids are less likely to give in to peer pressure when they are teenager and their rebellion drops almost immediately in the early twenties.[/LIST][LIST][*]The objective is not simple to shape the will, but to do so without breaking the spirit, by establishing reasonable boundaries in advance and then enforcing them with love, while avoiding any implications that a child is bad, etc.[/LIST][LIST][*]A child's resistant behaviours always contains a message to his parents, which they must decode before responding.[/LIST][LIST][*]Appeasement for a SWC is an invitation to warfare.[/LIST][LIST][*]Children tend to thrive best in an environment where these two ingredients, love and control, are present in balanced proportions.[/LIST][LIST][*]The weaker the authority of the parents when the SWC are young, the greater the conflict is in later years. [/LIST]This is a quote from Dr. Dobson's book:"The most urgent advice I can give to the parents of an assertive, independent child is to establish their positions as strong but loving leaders when Junior and Missy are in the preschool years." I have ALOT of work ahead of me. Susan

Regarding the strong willed child: How do I keep my 2 year old from climbing on the TV????

My dd is 22 months and a really strong will child. There are days that are more difficult than others, and I could find myself locked in the bathroom too, but she is so loving, funny, and social at the same time.

We're just getting glimpses of our son's developing personality that have us laughing and saying, "oh - are you working toward the terrible twos?". But it's hard to say if his personality is actually emerging as more of a strong -willed one (he's always been pretty laid-back) or if it's just the struggle with independence at this age. It will be interesting! I'll keep that book in mind.

Ah...strong-willed...yes, definitely. My angel awoke at 2 am this morning remembering that I had forgotten to give her her gummy vitamins before bed last night and deciding that she needed them right then. After being told that she couldn't have them, a 90-minute-middle-of-the-night temper tantrum (including crying, screaming, throwing things, etc.) ensued with me repeating over and over in a decreasingly calm voice, "I said no, so no matter what you do, you will not be getting your gummies." Sigh.... Of course, as soon as the initial crying started, I was kicking myself for saying no in the first place b/c I knew that I had to stick to my guns and knew I was in for a long haul... Yes, I have a strong-willed one. :) It will eventually get easier????

I think I do? Doesn't that sound silly? DD is very active, independent and knows her mind. At home I allow her lots of latitude w/ boundaries and we get along so well. Most of the time I could not ask for a better child, listens, minds, says please, thank you and just a joy.... NOW for the SWC part! -- Daycare is another WHOLE ballgame? We are on daycare #3 since June. She will do all of these:[LIST][*]Scream[*]Kick off shoes[*]hit / scratch teacher[*]not listen[*]not mind[*]talk back[*]Say "NO" w/ lots of 'tude[*]hit other children @ random - completely unprovokedetc...[/LIST]I had a SW go an observe her @ daycare #1 - she agreed wrong environment, but the behavior is still occurring. I have only seen the behavior a little @ gymnastics and was HORRIFIED and would have sworn that was NOT my child - The behavior is so strikingly different from how she acts @ home? I withdrew her from the class. She is going on 3 in Nov and I am @ my wits end with how to deal with this. I am a single Mom and have to work! ( NO CHOICE ) I do talk and talk to her about the "notes." But it is so hard to punish her and deal with "bad behavior" I don't see and happens hours b4 I pick her up. Our time is so special that it also breaks my heart to have to be "MEAN MOM" when she doesn't do it @ home! I am so praying for her to grow out of this but there is a small voice in my head that thinks it is a little "more" than a phase @ this point?

DD is not only strong willed, but bossy as well. She tells me "NO, Mommy" all of the time. She has some serious fits at times, but not always when you expect them. She likes to keep me on my toes I guess. She usually just has a tantrum and then eventually gets over it, but he has also been known to throw things when she is mad and doesn't get her way. Today she shoved me in the face when I told her "no" about something. Ah, the "terrible twos" at 21 months.

Oh yes! My daughter ranks high up there as far as srong willed goes. In fact, her three older biological siblings are the same way. Dee (bmom) and I were discussing things awhile back." I had told her that Sarah is very strong willed. She said "Yep, I bet she wants what she wants, and nothing is going to stop her." Apparantly, all of her older siblings are the same way. Lol, how true it is with Sarah!

i just found this forum and most of you are describing my son perfectly. thing is...he's not even two yet! he's only 16 months. he is very intense and soooo controlling. he tries to control everything; people, toys, food, dog, etc. i just don't know what to do anymore. he has a plan all the time and has to make everything work the way he wants. if a toy isn't doing what he wants it to, he bites it! he will actually bite the metal dump truck outside if it won't do what he wants. and he tries to hit me all the time when he can't get his way. if he can't hit me, he will find the dog and hit her. he makes everything a battle and he is impossible to distract. if he can't have something he wants, he will not be distracted by anything else. he just tantrums and tantrums for hours about it, until either it's nap time or a meal or some big change happens. i can't believe the focus of this one year old! of course he is a perfect angel for anyone else. i don't believe it's related to attachment because i did a lot of attachment parenting early on and feel he is bonded well with us. i would expect some of this from a 2 or 3 year old, but i can't believe it's coming out of my 1 year old. anyone else have these behaviors at this age? any ideas or advice? i feel like i'm losing my mind! of course there are so many other wonderful things about him. it's just hard to get past the frusterating parts. i just need to hear that other kids are like this too and i'm not the only one parenting one. thanks.

The best way to avoid a battle is to give them 2 choices. AND, never give in....that only strengthens their will to defy you.And I too am raising a girl who will NEVER be a VICTIM of anything!

I also have a strong willed boy! 4 yr old. I'm busy reading this strong-willed book...I was very positive, wanted my husband to read it as well...The auther(J. Dobson) suggest hiding when nessesary...Problem is: My husband don't support this form of dicipline...We usually give time-out. So I'm stuck between Jamed Dobson and my husband, oh yes....and my boy!

I read the Strong Willed Child, rec. by my ped, when my son (now 14) was a toddler. I have been blessed with 3 very strong-willed boys. i will say that, for now, my 14 year seems easier than when he was a toddler. And, it wsa a relief wehn I read the book to realize that this will help him deal so much better with peer pressure.

personally, i am not a fan of the dobson books. but that is just my opinion. There is another great book out there that is not focused on discipline as much as understanding you child and learning to work with them. I highly recommend it. It's called, "Raising Your Spirited Child". It comes from a very positive view point of this personality type and how it can be an asset in the future. It was really good for me to read to be less frusterated and concerned. Things have been going well with our son since trying some of the strategies in this book as well as being more understanding of his temperment. rubi, I know it's hard to parent with someone who may not be on the same page as you are. But I firmly believe the discipline method you use should be what fits your child, not necessarily you or your partner. What works for one child will not always work for another. It's important to understand your child and look at the world through his/her eyes before implementing any discipline methods. Also, it would be really hard on your husband if you use a method he feels strongly against, especially something like spanking. There are other ways to get your point across. But that's just my opinion. Good luck to you.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Most of our little friends are so easy going compared to my daughter. She is wonderful and smart and so loving...but boy does she have a mind of her own and wants us to know it! Strong Willed is just a part of it. She's also Bossy and VERY independent, and tells me she has to do it by herself...everything. If we try to help her with something, like reaching the toothpaste for instance...she says don't do that, puts it back and has to get it herself...after taking a deep breath and shaking her head. "You're stressing me out," she says. She also tells us "Don't talk to me like that," when we've told her not to do something, or she can't have something. I have that book the Strong Willed Child and it was mildly helpful. This kind of child takes a lot of good parenting...so here's to all of us! They are tons of fun though! All of our friends with other kids her age think she's amazing. Good luck to all of you.