Would this be supportive?

I think expectant parents considering placement need to hear the positive AND negative stories from adoptees as part of their research.

I agree. I was shocked when I spoke to the woman at the adoption agency when she said they only have prospective birth mothers speak to other birth mothers. (seems kind of set up, they choose who they want you to speak with) I feel like they should talk to people outside of the agency because they of course are wanting you to place. I think it would be good to speak to a number of adoptees, and I have always tried to say, this is what I have experienced and that everyone is different. Thanks for your perspective. It just kind of blew me away when I spoke to her, and not being a birthmother, I wasn't sure what they may feel towards it. Thanks, Jenna. Carolyn

These were my exact thoughts as well Jenna.

I am not a birth mom, but an adoptive mom and I like to hear positive adoptive stories from an adoptee. I go all over the boards to view all sides of adoption. Being an adoptive mom I am so hoping for my son to grow up with a positive attitude towards adoption. I want him to feel love by all -his birth parents, and adoptive parents. I think that is the most important. I read some of the negative stories of adoption and it breaks my heart. We love our angel so much, and we come to these boards to get feedback and knowledge and learn from everyone's feelings. Getting educated and looking at adoption at all sides, is just the key to making a strong start in raising a child up as being adopted. Our son will always know our love, but also the love of his birth parents which we feel is just as important. I think it is a wonderful idea to get positive stories from an adoptee!!!!

Dear Stacykelly, I credit my adoptive mother and father, but especially my mother, as she was a social worker. I was adopted in 1965 as an infant just days old. Being in the closed era is much different than the open era now. My mother always stressed to me that my birthmother loved me very much. I was always told the story of me and how our family came to be from the momnet I was brought home. My mom would rock me and tell me. WHen I was very little I was adement that I came from my mother's tummy. SHe always explained that I grew in someone else's tummy who loved me very much but was very young and wanted me to have both a mommy and a daddy. I have loved my birthmother since I can remember, we have always spoken openly about her. Both of my mothers know one another and are involved in this reunion. It is like just more extended family. I have never been angry that I was placed. I have never been resentful towards my birthmother. I have only had love and admiration for her, in placing me above all else. I know my life was a high price and sacrafice for her and that much pain and heartache was involved in her choice. I only hope that I make her as proud as she has made me. Carolyn

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. You were fortunate in that your adoptive mom spoke to you of your birth mom, back in those days that seemed very rare and adoption was just hidden. I come to these forums in hopes of trying to understand the feelings of a birth mom and of an adoptee-for me its extremely important. My only hope is that my son grow up knowing the courageous and most loving choice his birth mom made. I am happy to hear positive and loving sides of adoption. For now we will read books and tell him of birth parents and adoptive parents. As he is only a little over 2- as he gets older I am sure the questions will come, being honest and open we feel is the best way. I am so hopeful that our son will have the same wonderful and loving experience as you have, with being adopted. Adoption for us has answered our many, many prayers...We are so blessed!!!

I think by always having been told, before I could even understand words, this was something that made my adoption work. My mother insisted on never lying to us, no matter how ugly the truth (not that my adoption was ugly, I am talking about anything in general). There was never a time where I was sat down and told I was adopted, it was always a part of me. I think that is a very important aspect. I was never a secret, there was never shame or what might be construed as shame because it wasn't spoken of. My parents told us our story and answered our questions as we became older. They never went further that what we wanted to know. That way we took things at our pace. It is wonderful that you want to embrace all sides of the triad. Thank you! Carolyn

are you okay

When my daughter was considering placing her child in adoption, she did not find experiences from adoptees or birth parents very helpful (good OR bad). Although, the bad experiences of birth parents were a wakeup call for her to the seriousness of her decision. Hands down - no contest - the experiences that helped her the most were those of single parents (good and bad). These parents expressed their pride in overcoming odds to provide for their children and their deep love for their children. They also were very frank about the frustrations and the struggle to raise a child alone and made it clear about obstacles that she would face. If adoption agencies truly want to show the whole picture they would be asking single parents who did not chose adoption to speak. Happy G'Ma

I think they need to talk to ALL people involved. I think they really need to go outside of their agency, because I think they will tend to sugarcoat things. They should talk to adoptees that are happy with their placement and one who are very upset by it; birthmother's who regret their decession and ones, while it was difficult, stand by their decession to place; single parents who have made it and ones that are barely keeping their heads above water. This is the only way they can make an informed decession. Carolyn

I agree completely. If all of the perspectives were presented, informed decisions could be made. Then all members of the triad could move forward with the best interests of the child at heart. Thanks for posting a different perspective! Happy G'Ma