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Hello everybody,
we still did not hear anything from the birthmom. She is due in Nov., had already contractions and is dialated. The attorney did not hear anything, she is also avoiding phone calls from the agency and from us. We do not know what to do anymore. My feeling says: back up and try something else before you loose time and money.
She was nice when we met her and went with her to the ultrasound. We were so close to the baby. Now we are unhappy and cannot be excited in anyway about the match.
We just have one try (because of finances) and we work with a facilitator who matched us. Now we had already costs for the attorney for phone calls and emails (three weeks, 630 Dollar!!). I am afraid that we wait and wait, loose the money and than she backs up.
Should we just quit?
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Upfront, let me say that we've never been in any situation like this through any of our adoption experiences. However, after a lot of years on forums, and speaking to adoption professionals, my instinct would say that this isn't a situation that will end in adoption.
We always went with agencies/attorneys who didn't require a lot of money until placement was made...and basically, all three of our last adoptions were 'stork babies'----already born when we were notified.
We prefer this way, and certainly, it was a lot less hassle regarding the worry-time of whether a birthmother was going to place or not. When speaking with an agency/attorney, I usually told them we wanted a stork baby. While most of them stated they seldom had any situations like this, it certainly proved true for us---three times!
My best to you...
Sincerely,
Linny
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Linny-We just had a failed adoption. It was sort of the same way, she just stopped all contact with our agency. Finally, the week she was due to deliver, she finally contacted her caseworker to say she had had the baby and made the decision to parent. I think she didn't want anyone to tell her how hard it was going to be and she was truly having second thoughts. It was hard, but at the same time, better that she did that prior to giving us her baby and changing her mind, I would be a basket case. In our state, a birthmother has 10 days after she signs surrenders to change their minds.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don't give up but know that if it doesn't work out, God has another plan and there was a reason this one didn't work out. I know that might not help, but honestly, when I finally did say "Okay, God, I can't deal with this anymore, it's completely in your hands", things got much better for me emotionally. I can't say I am not impatiently waiting, or not disappointed by what happened, but I am feeling much better.
I will pray for you and I do hope things work out with this birthmother, but IF they don't, please don't give up. It is a beautiful experience!!