Bringing home a toddler

alot of patience... deep breathes and it may take awhile to get used to one another but it will work out. Stay positive. Get as much info from FM as possible., ours did not tell us anything... can you get a tele # or email if available to help you out when you don't understand her. Best wishes! CONGRATS and have a great flight. YOU WILL LOVE GUATEMALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My advice comes from just general parenting, as we did an infant domestic adoption, so take it for what it's worth (which is probably not much!) It's just a huge adjustment to bring a child home no matter what. I'd try to have everything as ready as you can at home, maybe arrange for a cleaning service for a month or two, get your car serviced if it needs it, go to the dentist, get some of your holiday shopping done early, etc., so that you can relieve yourself of as many other responsibilities as you can. You'll want to spend as much time w/ her as possible when you get home. I think getting as much advice from her foster mom as possible can only help---what's she like when she wakes up? How much is she napping, and when does she do that? Can she feed herself yet? Does she have a bedtime routine? What is it? Does she prefer a bath or a shower? ---Just a thought, but since smell is the strongest memory sense we have, so maybe you could purchase a new pillow or blanket for the foster mom and trade it for whatever DD uses in the foster mom's care so that she can have something familiar---- Where those routines overlap, or where you can give her comfort by trying to find similarities (e.g. she likes to sing a song before she goes to sleep) then I would do it, otherwise I would try to ease her into your schedule as soon as possible, especially since you're flying solo---this is hard work! Language, maybe try some of the Baby Einstein videos---there's one called LANGUAGE NURSERY that has Japanese, Spanish,Russian, German, French and English on it. Perhaps it would help her understand there are several ways to name objects---otherwise I wouldn't worry too much---she'll catch up. Check your state's website to see if they have any kind of Early Childhood Intervention program for speech therapy, etc. Some programs have therapists to help w/ language catch up, and they're usually free. Frankly, at this age, discipline consists primarily of redirection---they don't yet have the cognitive skills to make right/wrong distinctions, and generally, they aren't being "naughty"---they're exploring their environments, and testing things. You want to set up the environment so that you don't have to say "NO" that often, and IMO, it works better to tell a child this age what you want them to do instead---which will also help w/ language dev't. e.g. Instead of "NO!! Don't stand up in the bathtub!" I tell H-- We sit down on our bottom in the tub. Praise for doing things right is also a big motivator. So I think you'll have to establish limits and be consistent about them just as you would with any toddler, especially if they are related to her safety or wellbeing. But you may have to adjust your expectations about what she's capable of processing a little more in these circumstances. If you don't already have them, WHAT TO EXPECT, THE TODDLER YEARS and PARENTING W/ LOVE & LOGIC (the toddler/baby version) are great books. Good luck---how exciting!

Have you read "Toddler Adoption, The Weaver's Craft" yet? It covers transition - how to do it well, what problems can come up and how to handle them. It also covers a bunch of the really nasty problems that can arise. So its a good book to have read in advance so in case anything like that happens, you'll already know how to identify it and start handling it (like attachment problems). I won't lie, it is a scary book. But I'm a believer in knowing everything ahead of time so that if a nasty problem comes up, I'll know what to do right away rather than having to waste time researching it instead of acting on it. But in my opinion, it is a really good book for issues with transition, even if you don't read the rest of it.

I haven't read it but I just put it on hold from the library! Thanks for the suggestion. Everyone thanks!

Congratulations! We brought home our toddler (then 2 1/2 yo) 3 1/2 years ago from Guatemala. She turned 6 today and has her first loose tooth. Boy, how time flies! Language was no problem in the beginning. She still has some problems but I think they stem from something else besides the adoption and language change. She was in shock the first 5 days after we picked her up. She never cried and was very compliant. Not the wild child she is now! Be prepared... Toddlers can be hard to love. By their very nature they are an ornery lot so it can be hard to start with a toddler but it is worth it. Patience is key. Enjoy the trip. Congratulations!

We've adopted 4 toddlers, separately, not all at once! LOLI second the suggestion about 'Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft'. We used that book ALOT, even after the kids were a little older to refresh our memories of some of the things she suggested about grief, longer-term effects, etc.Do try to get a blanket or other item that you don't wash for awhile. Sounds nasty, but it does work well to keep the kids from having even more anxiety than they already do. Each child is different, with a different temperment. You'll have to play it by ear, so to speak. One of our kids was just more uptight about EVERYTHING than all the others. Everything had to be just so. And I do mean just so. The other kids each had their own little quirks and likes/dislikes that we had to learn and work with. My personal advice is to give yourself as long as you can, and longer than you think you'll need, to adjust. Put food in the freezer ahead of time. Hire a cleaning lady to come in once a week for the first 6 months. Call in favors from friends. Line up a babysitter. (Yes, I know, you can't imagine ever needing a break from this precious little one that you've waited so long to have join you...but you will need to at some point!) Don't plan any social events for the first 2 months. Try to NOT have any baby showers, or major family get togethers, or anything with more than a couple of other people for awhile. Here are the weird ones that no one understands, but they are important. 1. Do not allow anyone else to feed the baby for the first few months. If she's still on the bottle, YOU hold it for her, don't set her down and have her feed herself. Ditto with spoon feeding. This is a huge attachment builder, so take advantage of her young age! 2. Do not allow anyone else to comfort her when she is scared or distressed for the first few months.3. STRICTLY limit allowing others to hold her for the first few months.I know that people are raising their eyebrows and going, 'HUH?!', but this is important. You need to meet her needs and be her sole caregiver for as long as you can. The more work you do in this area of building trust and the mother/child bond between you the easier things are in the long run. Do lots of skin-to-skin contact, lots of rocking together, with you being the one to provide her food and feed her, etc. Back when we first began (seems eons ago now!) I thought all this 'attachment' stuff was a bunch of psychobabble hooey. Um, well, we all learn as we age, don't we?! LOL Having adopted a child or two with mild attachment issues I can tell you that when they are young and you can do all these thing with them EASILY is the best time to jump in and do them. Even the very young toddler can have impaired attachment, so start right away to build up their ability to attach. (One of our kids was 11 months old when they came to us and we really had to WORK to get her to trust us and to begin to allow a bond to form between us.)Be prepared to have emotions you haven't expected. After about a month I thought we'd made THE biggest mistake of our lives when we adopted our first Ds. I bawled at the slightest provocation, even with things going relatively smoothly. Before we met each of our kids I was always assailed by horrible doubts; could we DO this? What about ___? Would I be a good mom? Was I crazy?? Ok, well, we ARE crazy, but it all worked out. :)Congratulations on your little baby girl and enjoy this time of newness with her. :)

Invest in a Rocking Chair!!! There will be some "white nights". A toddler is, of course, heavier than a new baby and your muscles won't be used to carrying her. My older son weighed around 15 lbs when we took him home and after two weeks I was so exhausted I could barely move. I also recommend Weaver's Craft - Toddler Adoption. It is very, very helpful!

I can totally second this! I thought I might have ruined our lives the first week or two. Not because of the dd we adopted but because of the reaction of our bio dd. She was 4 yo and melting down at every turn. They are the best of sisters now. We are in the process now to adopt again!