A few qs/concerns re adopting in 1 state but traveling out of state to pick up baby

This all sounds very strange to me, and we've adopted many times. I might understand the agency waiting to speak to the birthmother, simply because they don't want to seem as if they're talking her into placing her baby. As I understand it, agencies must be very careful about this---and understandably so. However, I've NEVER known a case where an adoptive couple go to the hospital and just 'take the baby'......especially IF the birthmother has signed no paperwork?!?!?!? How long is the revocation time in the state where the baby is being born? In many states, even if the timing is beyond the hospital stay, the birthmother must sign some sort of paperwork giving the agency a type of 'guardianship' to have permission to place that baby with a couple. Frankly, I'm shocked as well, that any agency would leave you 'out there' w/o serving as some sort of support---even if they were to stay their distance until the birthmother made it clear she was sure she wanted to place. Before I'd go there, I'd have these concerns addressed, that's for sure. Good luck. Sincerely, Linny

Thanks for the reply Linny,I was a bit tired when I wrote that last night and mis-explained whether the bmom is placing the baby or not. There's no doubt that she is placing the baby, its just that she doesn't know if its a boy or a girl yet. So if it is a girl that will put us out of the picture...that's what I meant to explain. Anyway, what you said about the Agency having guardianship until the revocation period(which is 3 days) is up, is the way we thought things were done too. We'll definitely be looking for more answers from the Agency this morning...

You say there's no doubt that the birthmom will place the baby. THere are plently of people on this board that can tell you they had 100% certain situations that didn't turn out that way. Not trying to scare you, but just remind you that until TPR is signed and the revocation period is up, nothing is certain. Until that time, the birthmom is not a birthmom, but simply a mom. I certainly wouldn't make the assumption that she's going to place the baby until that time is up. I think I'd also insist that someone from the agency be at the hospital. It sounds very strange that they're expecting you to deal with this all on your own. How much money have you paid the agency? If it's any at all, they should have a responsbility to help you in any way possible, and I think you need to remind them of that.

yeah we've paid the Agency our placement fee alright - $9500. I understand nothing is 100% until TPR and this case is as risky as any other. I guess what I was trying to clarify in my previous post was that the 50/50 issue was regarding the sex of the baby. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks the Agency SHOULD come with us to the hospital. Thanks for the reassurance guys. We'll be more confident talking to them now, knowing we're not alone in thinking this.

Are they a facilitator or an agency? Sounds as if you payed a placement fee.. which a lot of facilitators request. With my experience, there should at least be a lawyer/ and or SW who will be there to discuss what is being signed, with the expectant mother. We, dh and I traveled to meet the mother ourselves, that is not unusual. In my situation, the mother, had *her* lawyer, that we retained for her, and the SW that *my* lawyer retained to talk to the mother, counsel if needs be. The hospital also have their folks, involved, since they want to make sure all is legit when the baby is placed with the Paparent, if things are not right, I would assume the hospital will not let you take the baby out of the hospital. Wit us, we could have the baby, and take him or her to wait for ICPC and other requirements clearance, once all the proper relinquishment papers are signed, by all parties. Sometimes cradle care is available, or you keep the baby with you until both states take care of their requirements. In that particular state the relinquishment was a 2 part process that required a court appearance by all parties involved. If it is an agency, they are the coordinators in said hospital, physically (if they are in the same state/locale) via the phone if it is out of state, then you would have the local lawyer etc; . You should have support otherwise over the phone. For both an agency or facilitator, it is my understanding, neither of these parties, are required to be there if the baby is born out of their state. That is why you retain the lawyer for that state etc;Personally make sure all is being done right to spare the mother, and yourself any issues.