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Originally Posted By KimWe have an open adoption through our 2 year old daughter adopted at one month. I started talking to her more about her birth in preparation for a visit to see her birthmother on her 2nd bday. Two weeks later she pleasantly suprised us all by bringing up the topic out of the blue when we mentioned the word "born". When she heard the word she said "I was born from Carol's tummy where God made me." It was the first neat glimpse we had that she drew a connection and was at least understanding the words we were saying - even though I know she can't really grasp it all yet. Then a few nights ago she made a comment that I wasn't prepared for and has been somewhat unsettling to me. We hadn't talked about her birth, adoption or anything related for the next month then when reading a story about Moses I casually said "he was adopted like you... he was in his bmother's tummy then he got his mommy here just like you were in Carol's tummy before she gave you to me." She interrupted me to say "I didn't want to be in Carol's tummy. Don't say that." Everything I've read (lots!) has suggested that kids don't usually draw personal connections like this until they're older. Does anyone have a similar story or encouragement for me? I'm a little nervous that I'm putting a topic that is too heavy on my little one. Even though we've talked about adoption I just started explaining it to her a few months ago. I try to be basic and casual about it. We have a comfortable relationship with her bmom and see her every few months. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated!
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Originally Posted By RobinAs a mom to 4 children in open adoption I say - keep going, don't worry that you are putting a "topic that is too heavy on" your little one. She will take all of her cues from you. Is it heavy for you??? If your relationship with her birthmom is comfortable and you see her every few months your daughter will "get it". The most recent research shows that most "open adoptions" don't really include the children. Typically the relationships are between the moms. Our children are ages 21 - 6 and I assure you we have ongoing, mutually respectful relationships with each of their families. They children have truly benefited from knowing their families, all the good, and all the not so good. Good luck!
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Originally Posted By KimThank-you Robin! Your words were encouraging. I appreciated your reminder that she will take her cues from me.It's wonderful to hear from someone who has been involved with open adoption for so long! Now that a little time has passed I'm not so worried. I'm sure I'll hear plenty of extreme comments throughout the years. I've decided not to be concerned unless they're repeated. And now I know to expect anything! You mentioned recent research about open adoptions being more about the relationship between moms... can you direct me to any articles or anything on that subject? Also, has that been your experience?Thanks again!!
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Originally Posted By bm JamieAfter a year & a half of being a bmother, I find that the main relationship that I have is with my bsons mom.Her & I are the ones who write to each other but she puts all of their names on the letter .I put my name & my moms on the letter.During my 2 visits her & I always sit together & talk.The conversations are usually light & pleasant.She loves to tell me about her sons milestones & she likes to show me his new tricks & things that he's learned.I agree with the above post that says that open adoption is more about bonding with the 2 mothers .There is so much love envolved.I just wish that I can one day sit & tell her how grateful & thankful I am to her. I don't think that she has any idea of how deep my heartfelt thankfulness actually is.That will be the next thing that I want to discuss with her.