helpful hints for the "newbies" or those that have hit their "brick wall"

This is an attempt to organize information that has for the most part already been posted. The problem I have come across is that most of the information is buried in threads with non-related titles. I know how hard it is to find something and have no clue how you came across it or where to look for it again. If I have overlooked something PLEASE add it Let me start with a few helpful websites. The first one is awesome and I wish I had had it when I began my search. [url=http://www.geocities.com/californiaadoptees/howtos.htm]California Adoptees~How To's[/url] [url=http://www.geocities.com/tmusso.geo/states/california.html]Tina's California Adoption Information Page[/url] [url]http://www.plumsite.com/shea/series.html[/url] [url=http://www.ouareau.com/adoptee/index.html]Adoptee Searcher's Handbook[/url] Below are some steps to take in your search: Register with the free International Soundex Reunion Registry I.S.S.R. This should be the first step in your search process. It is the oldest and largest reunion registry of its kind. If you have already registered, consider registering again if you have any new information. You can request a free registration form via mail or telephone. [url=http://www.isrr.net/]ISRR[/url] Contact info.: I.S.R.R. P.O. Box 2312 Carson City, Nevada 89702-2312 (775) 882-7755 Request Non Identifying Information nonid If you have already requested your nonid and it has been a few years I would request it again. My aparents kept requesting it every so often while we were growing up and I myself requested it a few times. The last time I did in 2003 I received a small book in return...lol...okay so it was only 13 pages long...but it had everything I needed to find my bfam..except their names. I think they were sick of hearing from me and wanted me to finally find my bfam and leave them alone...lol.. I believe a lot has to do with the social worker who receives your request too. here is a link on how to obtain your nonid [url=http://www.geocities.com/californiastateinfo/nonid.htm]What is Non Id[/url] Talk to your aparents For various reasons adoptees do not talk to their aparents about their search nor do they ask for help. I would consider talking to them and even ask for their involvement if possible. I believe if we try to hide these things we end up hurting feelings (like its a dirty little secret) but if we inform and try to include them it will help them feel more secure (like your not going to run away to your "new" family) a few years back I knew a girl who searched for years without telling her aparents. One day she asked a random question about her adoption and her adad said when she was ready to search to let him know because he had ALL the information...Her bname...her bparents names....EVERYTHING!!!!! boy did she feel like she wasted those years of searching. here is a link to a letter to aparents: [url=http://www.geocities.com/tmusso.geo/mom_dad.html]Letter to my Adoptive Parents[/url] CA birth index **Be aware that the California Birth Index on-line in not a complete listing of all births in California...it is only a partial listing. Some years both the birth names and adopted names are listed. Other years the birth name is listed but not the adopted name or the adopted name is listed but not the birth name. Also, only about 50% of the relinquished babies were listed without a first name so be sure and consider listings that do have a first name too.** with that said here is the link to the birth index: [url=http://www.vitalsearch-ca.com/gen/ca/_vitals/cabirthm.htm]VitalSearch-California(USA):California Birth Records and Certificates[/url] without a membership it is a bit harder to search but it can be done and you will need a free guest pass. There are quite a few of here on the forums who have memberships and would be happy to look something up for you if need be. (just post a thread asking and someone will answerer I'm sure) Ca also has death and marriage records as well and that can be useful in your search too: [url=http://www.vitalsearch-worldwide.com/]VitalSearch-Worldwide.com:State Search Portal[/url] Open California Counties If your Final adoption Decree (not the county where you were born, if different), was filed in one of the following counties, one or both of your a-parents can request a copy of the complete contents of your file, housed at the courthouse. This is identifying information. These counties recognize the a-parents "as parties to the adoption", and therefore will allow an a-parents to view, or request by mail, all identifying information on file, of the original family, of their adopted child. This does not apply to an adoptee born in an open county and adopted in a closed county. The Final Adoption Decree must have been filed in one of the following counties the open counties are: Alameda County Contra Costa Glenn County Marin County Napa County ?? Orange County Santa Clara County Santa Cruz County Shasta County Sonoma County ?? here is the link [url=http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/9606/states/CAopen.html]Tina's California Open Adoption Counties[/url] I have seen people search for years without knowing how simple it could have been. Search Angels If there is a list of some I am not aware of it. But if you post asking for for help I'm sure someone will read it and offer help. with that said please read the scammer warnings!!!!!! Scammers!!!! Please be aware that if you leave your email address in your message that you may be scammed by the many scammers cruisingӔ all the adoption message boards on the internet. It is also advisable not to include non-identifying information in your message as the scammers use this information to claim that they are your birth parent or adopted child or to claim that they have found the person you are looking for. When you post your messages the best way to avoid scammers is to not post your email address in your message. If someone wants to contact you they must post a public message on the board or send you a Private Message that goes through the website administration but does not reveal your email address. Edit your profile so that you will accept private messages but not email messages. Try not to put too much information in your message other than: ...date of birth of adoptee ...gender of adoptee ...city and state of birth of adoptee When a match is made you can then confirm information that is known only to you and your birth relative. Once you are comfortable with this exchange of information you can also go a step further. Both of you can file "Waivers for Consent to Contact Forms" with the adoption agency that handled the adoption. They will then confirm the match through the names in their adoption file and will put the two of you in contact with each other. If someone contacts you and does not identify themselves by name, organization they represent, location and purpose (search angel, professional searcher, private investigator, birth relative) you should be suspicious. Many scammers try to convince you that they are your birth child or your birth parent. Or they say they are "helping a friend search" or that they are a search angel when in fact they are not *the information above was provided by "thesearchguru" on topics related to scammers* Encouragement After all is said and done you will realize that this is a great big roller coaster of feelings and emotions. here is a great site with wonderful articles that can help: [url=http://www.myreunioncoach.com/index.html]My Reunion Coach - Adoption Reunion Support[/url] [url=http://library.adoption.com/information/adult-adoptees/12/1.html]Adult Adoptees[/url] [url=http://library.adoption.com/articles/adoptees-birthparents-search-2.html]Adoptees, Birthparents & Search, Page 1[/url] [url=http://library.adoption.com/information/Healing-and-Recovery/366/1.html]Healing and Recovery[/url] NO FIND NO FEE SEARCH When you have come to that point in your search that you can no longer continue on your own and feel that you need to hire assistance I do have a name of some one I would recommend. Private message me if you would like the website (I hope this did not break the rules :) ) Good luck to you and remember Your past can not determine your future, only confirm where you came from!!!