Closing the Adoption :Question for Adoptees

I started thinking about this after reading some adoptee comments on another post. There are a lot of stories about adoptive parents losing contact or closing the adoption and how that would make an adoptee feel to learn that. But what if it was your birthmother who ended contact? Long story short, I was in sporadic contact with my DD's a-mom via phone for the first two years of her life. It was hard, being a teenager, and keeping DD a secret from most people in my life, and trying to do what I thought everyone wanted, which was to be brave and move on with my life. I was scared to tell anyone how much I loved my DD, since I was afraid they would think that I regretted the adoption. The last time I spoke to a-mom, she put my DD on the phone with me. It affected me so much, I was shocked to hear the little baby I had given birth to speak my name. It was the greatest feeling in the world, but I was terrified of it. I felt like I wasn't "good enough" to be in her life, being a college kid who was still trying to get it together, my priorities being hanging out with friends and typical college partying. I felt like I would be a burden on her mother and her life growing up. I wanted to be a positive and stable presence in her life I needed some time to sort things out. After a while when I thought about getting back in touch, I was afraid of disrupting their lives. I figured DD would be OK growing up not knowing who I was, it would be better that way. That it wouldn't be fair to walk back into her life after I walked out. I would never close that door, and I was not afraid to be found, in fact I prayed to be found. But I thought I was being selfish by seeking them out, even tho DD's a-mom had told me I could look for them if we lost touch. Before I realized it, it was 12 years later. Since reconnecting with DD's mom last year, I have done everything possible to remain in contact, I write her and I send pics. (I don't have contact with DD at this time, and I think it may be a few years before that happens) It's important to me that she know I don't plan on disappearing ever again. But I know that when the day comes to explain this all to DD, I'm not sure how she will take it. I'm afraid that she will think she was rejected twice, and that is so far fromthe truth. It was never about her, and how I felt about her, it was how I felt about me. How would you feel if this was your story? Any and all responses are appreciated :)