Breastfeeding foster child

In 99% of foster cases, the baby was NOT a preemie and IS tolerating formula. But if the baby IS a preemie or not tolerating formula, it should be the baby's mother who decides how to proceed. If Mom wants the baby breastfeed, she can pump and freeze until the weekly visits and then give it to the foster mom to feed the baby. There is no reason to put a foster child to your breast. You own baby (adopted or biological), YES! By all means, breast feed. But a foster child is NOT your child-and it should be the birthmom who makes those decisions about what the child ingests.

In MOST foster cases, the baby IS tolerating formula. But if the baby IS a preemie or not tolerating formula, it should be the baby's mother who decides how to proceed. If Mom wants the baby breastfeed, she can pump and freeze until the weekly visits and then give it to the foster mom to feed the baby. Or Mom can request that the baby be fed breastmilk from a bank. There is no reason to put a foster child to your breast. Your own baby(adopted or biological)? YES! By all means, breast feed. But a foster child is NOT your child-and it should be the birthmom who makes those decisions about what the child ingests when being fed. I can't imagine bio mom's wanting a foster parent to do something so intimate with their baby. After all, this baby belongs to bio mom. The goal is for the baby to develop a relationship and bond with biomom (until TPR). Most foster babies are reunited-not adopted. Any potential foster moms need to realize that these babies-no matter how much you love them and want them-are not yours. I agree 100%-which is why foster parents should NOT breastfeed a foster child. The only who should be breastfeeding is the biomom. And if she can't do so but insists on breastfeeding, use a bank which screens the breastmilk. There is no reason for a foster mom to put a foster child at risk. There is no health benefit to putting a child's life on the line for the fostermom's own satisfaction and needs. Foster parents should be doing what's best for the foster child-and this includes doing what the child's actual mother asks-including feeding the baby formula if she wants the baby fed formula. Or using breastmilk from a bank if she insists on breastmilk. It sounds like the potential foster mom likes to breastfeed and so she wants to breastfeed foster children. But foster care isn't about what the foster mom likes or wants, it's about what the foster child & bio family wants and needs. If this woman has her heart set on having a baby and breastfeeding the child, she needs to do straight adoption. If she can't afford a private adoption, she can always request to be placed on the SAFE HAVEN list. She would get a newborn straight from the hospital-although the wait may be longer than a foster/adopt. Like HappyMommy pointed out, the risks are enormous. Maybe bio mom doesn't want her baby ingesting your friends antibodies. And a person can have a negative HIV test-but still be HIV positive because it can take several months from the time you're exposed until the time you test positive. That is why banks store the milk. The donors are tested when milk is donated-and if the donor is STILL negative at the next test, the milk is released to a baby. If a foster mom is breastfeeding, there is NO safeguard in place for the baby's health.

I do agree that the decision should TOTALLY be the Biomom's. It should NEVER be done without her permission. BUT, I would want to have the choice if it were available and proven safe. A foster child should never be breast fed by a foster parent in my opinion, without permission from the Bioparent and the state. Please do not misunderstand what I was trying to say.

The other issue is that many babies who come into the foster care system have been neglected and underfed. Because women who induce lactation don't always produce very much milk, it would be very difficult to ensure that the child was getting enough to eat. And in a child who is already underfed, that could be a HUGE issue.I still believe that although breastfeeding is beneficial, the risks outweigh the benefits in these cases.

Are you kidding me? :rolleyes: Yes, of course I know who my husband is sleeping with.

You may know who your husband is sleeping with. You probably do. But there are plenty of cases where women have been unaware that DH was having an affair.I'm not knocking you in particular. But DSS has to make policies to fit a variety of situations. And the fact is, it is just too risky for foster children to be exchanging bodily fluids with foster parents. Although breast is best, there are PLENTY of children who have been raised successfully on formula. Given the situation that kids in care face, formula is the best option for them.

I don't want to be a wet blanket either. I really wanted to adoptive breatfeed and I knew I was adopting my daughter, I just had to go through the legal process that took 14 months, however I did ask my social worker and was going to start breast feeding and I was told flat out...if I adoptive breast fed they would remove my child unless I got a court approved document that said her birth mother approved it. I am in California it is very liberal, but seriously the county social workers are not, they are very conservative. If you want to bond with a fost/adopt baby I would recommend, co-sleeping and baby wearing....baby wearing is not controversial, co-sleeping is, but it is something that most social workers don't need to know, If a child is grabbing for your breast to suck, it is pretty certain a social worker will know you are breast feeding. I'm not advocating lying to your social worker, mine always knew I co-slept and she approved of it, a child can develop a healthy immune system by bonding as well, it allows their system to feel relaxed enough to develop properly and immunity can also come from a body that is relaxed and functioning well. My daughter is almost two, formula fed and has only had two colds and one flu her whole life! I am serious, not even a runny nose outside of the two colds. If you don't feel comfortable co-sleeping at night (which is totally understandable!.....you be the judge) then co-sleep during the baby's nap time, you don't have to sleep, but lay the baby on you or near you while they do. Babies who are not "fast track" or fost/adopt babies will probably reunify with their birth parents and creating a solid bond will also help the child bond to their birth parent, otherwise if the baby is freed for adoption, then you have done the bonding work needed for you and your child.

I hope no one thought I was suggesting b/feeding is the only way to bond with a new baby - I certainly don't feel that way! For me, it is just another tool to use to bond with our son. Not the ONLY tool, but part of the whole attachmnet parenting package. Some works for some of us, some practices don't. For example, we don't co-sleep every night (although do at naptime and some nights) and for us, this works. That being said - I did not b/feed our bio daughter (I was young and didn't really know the benefits) and she is SUPER healthy and well- attached kiddo...

Yes, they do--and in some areas, like mine, they have decided that it is acceptable for foster moms to breastfeed (not even going to touch on the "exchange bodily fluids" bit). It is deemed by the state agency that it is acceptable and appropriate, so regardless of your opinion, it IS beneficial.

Why are you offended by the phrase "exchange bodily fluids"? That is, in fact, what is happening.I'm very surprised that your state would allow a foster mother to breastfeed a foster child without the birth parent's permission. I imagine that if one child contracts any sort of infection, the state is in for a very long court battle. Same if a child ends up being malnourished because the fmom isn't producing enough milk and isn't supplementing.By the way: it is, of course, perfectly possible to raise a very healthy, very well-bonded child even without breastfeeding. I'm always surprised how many people seem to make a religion out of breastfeeding, given the enormous number of perfectly healthy adults who were bottle fed.

The fact that the state endorses something, by the way, doesn't make it beneficial. States have endorsed all sorts of deleterious things, from nuclear waste processing to DDT. You're operating on an opinion in much the same way I am.

Thanks to all who provided info, links, experience and opinions! I truly did not mean to start a breastfeeding vs. formula debate, but thanks all for sharing your thoughts.

I don't like that phrase because you make it sound dirty, like something I should be ashamed of. It's not, and I am not. Breastfeeding is merely a way of feeding my child, that happens to have wonderful health benefits. Period. I will not be breastfeeding a child without it's mother's or the social worker's consent. I never said that. I'm just happy that I live in a state where I have the option.

"MY" being the key word. No one is suggesting that mothers shouldn't breastfeed their OWN child. It's other people's children we are talking about. And like you mentioned in your post, the consideration & consent of the birthmother to that kind of intimate exchange of bodily fluids is way more important than the fostermom's desire to breastfeed. And unlike a breastmilk bank, there is NO SAFEGUARD in place to protect an innocent child from infection of a serious and even deadly disease. As I've said in a previous post, a negative HIV test doesn't mean you weren't exposed to the AIDS virus. It's possible to have a negative test result and still be HIV positive because the antibodies haven't built up in your system. In the meantime, you would be breastfeeding and passing along the HIV virus to an innocent foster child. If you want to take that risk with YOUR child, be my guest. But why would you even consider putting a foster child in that position? Like I've said before, fostercare isn't about the fostermoms, it's about the children. And fostermoms need to realize that, although they love these babies, they are NOT the mother. Therefore, you can't put a foster baby in the same category as an adopted baby or biological baby (where you have every right to breastfeed or bottle feed as you wish). Breastfeeding is great if you're breastfeeding YOUR child-no one is condemning breastfeeding. But we're talking about other people's children-innocent children who aren't getting a say in whether or not they want to ingest a strangers bodily fluids. Therefore, it's important for people to accept and respect the biomom's views and respect her wishes-including the wish to bottle feed. And IF she wants the baby to have breastmilk, it should come from a bank where it is tested and SAFE. I honestly can't imagine any state in this country allowing such a dangerous practice.

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