unsure of how to feel

You mention depression. Are you receiving counseling from anyone other than the agency you've chosen to work with? I strongly, strongly suggest it. If the agency and/or family tells you that you're fine with just the counseling through the agency, I encourage you to look elsewhere. An unbiased third party can help expectant mothers make choices and move towards healing in many different ways. We're here to listen but we're not (all!) licensed therapists. ;)

I would have to agree with SchmennaLeigh, make sure you receive unbiased counseling for the depression. Yes, your hormones are just a flaring and I'm sure you are under a great deal of stress as well. All making you feel uncontrolable. Try to slow down and seek help.

I'm always here to chat - adoption is certainly not an easy decision to make - you should be given as much information as possible so that you can make an informed choice about your pregnancy. That includes giving you information that could make parenting possible.

I'm not currently receiving counseling. I've had some rough experiences with counseling in the past, when I was sent for pain management, but I do think once I get through the next few weeks (and hopefully have a new job), I might be willing to look into it again. I've come to realize that it would be valuable to have someone to talk to about everything going on in my life, not just bits and pieces here and there. In terms of parenting - I feel very strongly that I would not make a good parent. I grew up in an abusive household where I knew from day one that I was not wanted and was resented. It's very important to me that if I do choose to parent a child one day that it will be under positive circumstances. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I'm not able to parent, and I'm certainly not able to do it as a single parent. One thing that I've found extremely frustrating is the number of people who have been unsupportive or rude when I attempt to seek out help. I'm talking specifically about the people at places like planned parenthood and birthright. You'd think they'd be more sensitive to the fact that they chose to work at a place where vulnerable and ashamed women would be calling looking for help and not entirely sure where to turn. I've always had difficulties picking up the phone and calling people, and now, after a few bad experiences, I'm not sure how to make ANY phone calls any more.

Bad experiences from the past can stop us from moving forward. Try to grab a phone book and look up other sources. In my area we have United Way, or Woman's Communtiy each have been VERY helpful to me at different times in my life. Don't cut yourself short...there are many parenting classes and all out there. Even if you do go with adoption, don't say you wouldn't be a good parent, you don't know that. How far into adoption have you looked? Do you know what type of adoption you are interested in? (closed, semi-opened, opened)

You must be feeling so terribly lonely. And scared... Do you have a good relationship with your obstetrician (OB-GYN)? Has he or she explained the childbirth process to you? I know when I was pregnant and getting ready to deliver, I was real scared of the pain and how much it was going to hurt. I'm not going to lie to you ~ it hurts like heck. But there are pain medications available that will help you ~ don't be afraid to ask the nurse for a pain shot. Are you having epidural anesthesia? I used to work on Labor and Delivery, and I know from experience that epidurals can make all the difference in the world. It only hurts for a minute or so while the needle is being inserted. In the next couple weeks, if he or she has not already done it, your doctor will probably discuss all the anesthetic and pain medication options with you. If you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask your doctor to answer them for you. That's what he or she is there for! Have you had any Lamaze training (breathing and relaxation techniques)? If you haven't, the nurses on the Labor & Delivery ward will show you how to breathe so it hurts less. Does your doctor know about your history of depression, and are you being treated for it now? Do you have a trusted therapist you can talk to? You might want to consider going on some type of antidepressant medication after the baby is born. I know how horrible clinical depression is because I've suffered from it on and off throughout my lifetime. Hang in there, and try to take things one day at a time. I know, easier said than done, huh? I've been on this forum a lot lately, and I'm often online. So if you'd like to talk about anything at all, please don't hesitate to PM (private message) me. Hugs to you, sweetie! :love:

I've come fairly far into it. I struggled pretty heavily - I had a lot of health problems that brought on a lot of pain. The doctors medicated me fairly severely, I was on methadone (synthetic heroin) for months at really high levels, along with what felt like every other prescription drug on the market. I hated what it was doing to me, so I stopped taking anything (and stopped going to doctors). But I slipped into a fairly severe depression then, and it was around that time that I became pregnant. I didn't, however, know about it for a few more months. When I learned I was pregnant, I only really considered suicide and abortion. Neither of those options, in the end, were something I felt was ultimately the right decision. So I started looking into adoption, initially planning on a closed adoption. I didn't want anyone to know, I strongly considered going the safe haven option. But once I got through some of the initial shock of being pregnant and figuring out how to deal with it, I started to realize more and more that I was going to be bringing a child into the world and I wasn't comfortable just...writing it off like selling something at a garage sale. So I researched open adoption and liked what I learned from that. Sometimes it's a struggle, knowing that this is the right decision for me right now, but it still being a very emotional decision. And then sometimes I get really concerned about strange things (I'm worried about lactating after the birth, for instance).

Are you getting prenatal care? Please make sure that you have a doctor's care so that you are physically in as good a shape as possible. We are here to listen and offer our experiences and words of "wisdom" and can be a valuable resource, but as the others have noted, most of us are not licensed counselors. You do need as much support as possible right now. If you have a primary care doctor, can you share some of your concerns with him/her? Someone is always here when you need to chat.

The short version of a long story is that I made a stupid decision and gave up my health insurance because I refused to deal with the medical establishment any more after getting very fed up with them. So I haven't yet had good medical care. I'm expecting to have some sort of coverage starting next week or the week after, so that I can get the care that I need. It's certainly been one of the factors that's concerned me. I'm expecting to have a new job very shortly that will have private insurance, but also signed up for my state's coverage for pregnant women as a backup, just in case. Unfortunately, the state coverage is tied up in paperwork and is very slow in coming.

Welcome to the forum. Just to let you know adoption.com is NOT a matching site. Therefore anyone who contacts in hopes of adopting your baby will be facing a ban from the site. If anyone contacts you wanting to adopt your baby please contact either myself or one of the other moderators. I hope you receive prenatal care soon. I would also recomment that you attend some prenatal classes. I know here, our local family services offers such classes for free or at a very low cost. It is so important to be aware of what to expect when during delivery and in the few weeks afterwards. Just as the others have said, please seek out some non biased counselling to explore all your options. A history of depression or medical problems should not hinder you in exploring parenting if that's what you desire to do.

Are you going to be on Medicaid? Medicaid benefits vary, but there is a mental health benefit in most plans. Some also cover childbirth classes. Do you have anyone supporting you? There are professionals called Doulas whose main job is to just be there to support mom through the pregnancy. There are many Doulas that will do pro bono work with women considering adoption. They can be very helpful to you during labor and delivery, at the hospital and even after you go home. I have been in an open adoption for 23 years... fully open. I also education about open adoption. Please know that there are a lot of professionals in adoption who will tell you that getting a letter once a year is an open adoption. It is not. You can build a relationship with the adoptive parents, you can arrange for visits, in some states contact agreements are considered legally binding (Although that is no guarantee contact will continue.. so much of open adoption is based on trust, and sometimes that trust is betrayed.) Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Also I might be able to direct you to a mental health service provider that can give you some unbiased counseling if you are having a hard time finding one.

My insurance situation is in a bit of a flux. Medicaid paperwork in my state (MD) is notoriously slow. Now, they do have a provision where they will pay for services in the 3 months prior to approval if they would have been covered. The problem is, I expect to have a job that will put me way beyond the Medicaid income limits starting next week or the week after, with private insurance, so it's not something I can take advantage of. Now, they also have a program set up specifically for pregnant women and children that has a higher income threshhold. My job will put me over that threshhold as well, but there is enough of a grace period that if the paperwork goes through before the job starts, I could get in prenatal care on that, and then switch to my private insurance when that coverage kicks in. But I'm still waiting on the paperwork, and I don't know when that will come in - I expected it to already be here.I'm starting to become a little concerned about the agency I've been talking to. They said a lot of good things at the start, and I found a family I kind of liked, though I don't know how much of that is feeling desperate and pressured to do something right NOW, but now I'm coming to see that it's reasonable for me to expect them to do a little bit more. They haven't done anything except give me a phone number to another organization for a pregnancy test, no counseling or medical assistance/guidance. They say it all comes after matching.

You need the counseling NOW. I encourage you to take Brenda up on her offer. Frankly, an agency that insists on a match before they provide counseling doesn't sound very ethical to me! Sounds like they want to make sure you don't change your mind!

Please contact Brenda. She has helped me in so many ways. She's very, VERY easy to talk to. The counseling that you need to prepare you for the grief and loss that come with adoption won't do you as much good when it's "too late." Preparing for that loss, ahead of time, is so vital. Trust me.