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hi all,
i am in need of a little encouragement about fostering.
hubby and i decided *officially* in august that we are going to do this! we are in the middle of the licensing process, and it's amazing to see how our home and ourselves are being transformed every day as we embrace this journey :banana:
the bummer is, i am getting a LOT of negativity from others (family, friends, even random people who find out we're going to foster), and it's taking its toll. i usually get one of two responses: "you are going to be crushed when you have to give the kid back" OR "i knew this one foster family that had a kid who ______ (set the house on fire, stabbed the foster parents in their sleep, turned into a werewolf during a full moon and devoured the family's prized pig, etc.)"...enough already! i KNOW this is may well be the hardest thing we have ever done/will do, i KNOW our lives are going to be turned upside down, i KNOW there will be challenging times when i will want to give up on everything and just move to that beach hut in hawaii that i like to pretend is waiting for me...but the reality is, we are going to do this, and we need support. not second hand horror stories, not warnings from people who have never done this, not "i told you so" when things get tough. real support.
sooo...anyone have any encouragement about fostering? any good stories, any victories, anything positive, i'll take whatever i can get. ;)
thanks for reading fellow foster-ers!
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Welcome to the journey! As with any big decision you choose to share with ppl you will get those that support and those that don't. You and your hubby know why you have decided to do foster care. Only ppl that have done foster Cate can speak from experience. If you r miffed by someobes comment I would ask them when they were a foster parent how they handled whatever negative comment was made. If they haven't been a foster parent, well then take their comments with a grain of salt. Good luck to you.
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Welcome to the journey. You find many ppl on your journey that will be there to support you. I've been lucky to have support of my family and friends, but also the FP who we took classes w/, our FFA/support groups, friends of friends, this forum, and even random strangers. Yes, there's the bad but I because of my support system, there's always a softer landing. I do suggest that once licensed due find a local support group. You can never have too many and its really helpful to have FP who understand you.
Generally, I have found that people are ignorant! :) When I had cancer, they did the same thing! I had a lady go on and on about how NOBODY ever really survives cancer...it always comes back...blah, blah, blah. My mom was with me and she was about ready to punch the lady out! I just rolled my eyes. Most people I encounter do the "I couldn't do it, because I couldn't give them back" thing. I have just started saying that I am heartless and won't care if the kids go back (note the sarcasm dripping from that statement). It usually shuts them up. If you are Christian, you can start telling them that caring for orphans is a mandate from Jesus (it is). We are suppose to take care of orphans no matter how difficult it is/will be. You are doing a GREAT thing for these kids! Don't let others' ignorance ruin the good feelings you get from that fact! :love:
Congratulations! As an adoption professional who works with foster and adoptive families, I can tell you that I have seen more successful families than unsuccessful families! Foster parenting is hard, of course, but it is so very rewarding. You need to surround yourself with supports who "get it." Foster parent groups, professionals, whatever. Many people won't get it, and that will be ok, because you'll have your support system of those who do! I'm not sure why people feel the need to be so negative, as if you are so naive that you haven't thought about those concerns already. When people say such ridiculous things like you mentioned, I would be inclined to cock my head to the side and say something to the effect of "Hmmm, I haven't thought about that" and then change the subject. They'll get the message. also, check out thishighcalling.blogspot - it's a great encouraging blog about fostering.
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I was sooooo excited going through the process that I blabbed to anyone who would listen. I love the reactions. Some thought it was wonderful, some were stunned and turned mute because they couldn't figure out what to say, some told horror stories, some success stories. I don't think anyone was out right rude. They would share their experiences or thoughts. I had many of the same thoughts before going through the process. Now I am able to educate those same people, who I keep blabbing to, about this process. At the very least they have more knowledge, not less. What they choose to do with it is not my business.
thanks all for the positivity! you all rock! :happydance:
i like the idea of fp support groups, i will have to look into that.
i think the longer we are on this journey the more people we will find that understand and support us and most importantly, the kiddos that will come into our lives.
on a sidenote, i tried a new approach to negativity from a family member on the phone yesterday - she started going on about how we don't really know what we are getting into, blah blah blah and i just flat out said "we actually don't need people to tell us how hard it's going to be, we need people who offer to be the ones we call at 2 a.m. when we can't sleep and need advice". i think it got the message across (at least a little) because she got super awkward and changed the subject lol.
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I hear you! The things people will say... sheesh. My husband and I just completed our FP licensing (we're pre-adopt) last month. So of course over the holidays we had to talk about it with all the extended family and friends we don't see very often. Most folks were/are supportive but every now and then somebody would catch me off guard with a really insensitive/ignorant/whacko question or remark. Like DH's elderly uncle, who asked very earnestly if we were worried that the child we eventually adopt might have been damaged by being in a foster home. Um, no, we're pretty sure wherever they were BEFORE coming into foster care will have been far, far worse! He then proceeded to lecture us on how important infant development was on later academic achievement. :rolleyes: I try to just listen patiently and let it roll off of me. After all, I think in most cases it's a hamfisted and awkward way for people to express their interest and even support, and they don't realize how negative they sound.