Confused

Kids from adoptive homes also become drug addicts and delinquents - unfortunately you don;t have to be raised by your own mother to become one of those. FC

I think that it is quite clear that this expectant mother does not fall into the "ill-equipped to parent" category. She decribes her 5 year-old daughter as thriving. I agree that she needs to decide to do what is "best for the baby". Given the fact that she is already a successful mother, the baby is probably "best off" staying with his momma. veryveryconcerned, Financial situations are temporary. Adoption is permanent. There are resources available. Have you checked with your church? When my single daughter decided to parent her son, family and friends were incredibly generous. Although she could have managed on her own, the help was gratefully accepted. Yes, it is normal to feel torn. During the few weeks that my daughter considered adoption, we cried eery hour of every day. She will not talk about those days. I wish she would, I think that she has a lot to offer women in similar circumstances. I think that it is best if you back off adoption plans and reconsider after your baby is born. With my prayers and very best wishes, Happy G'Ma

I am currently going throught the exact same situation. I have a soon to be five year old as well. I do not know what to do either. If you need someone to talk to talk with me if you get the chance because we can seriously relate.

I am in nearly the same postition as well if you would like to talk i am here

The grief of relinquishing a child is phenominal. Read the advice of the ladies. 29yrs later, 11yrs reunion, I can still be reduced to a mess!!!! It just hits me in the guts! I hate it! And this is after a "successful" reunion. susie

I am here too if anyone wants someone to talk to. :grouphug:

If I can help anyone by sharing my positive adoption story, let me know. I'd be happy to share.

Trouble is everyone thinks mine is a positive adoption story. Reunion. Get on with aparents. Aparents gave daughter a good life. She is successful in career and sports. My husband soooo accepting of it all ( not the bdad). Three more beautiful children who love her and have known since they were small children...rah rah rah. So how come it still feels like a knife being stabbed through my gut.Still can't feel the happy ending! susie

I agree , there is soooo much help out there for single parents who are struggling to keep their families intact. please use it. situations like yours are "exactly" why it exists....so families can stay together.... healthy & happy....so that there "can" be happy endings. I needed assistance for maybe a year right after my first child was born, it saved my family. and you can always give back later in life when things are better by volunteering at a childrens center or women in crisis center etc... if it helps you feel better about it. but it is there for you.... right now...... waiting to help you save your family.

Oh gosh! Big hugs. I am so sorry. Thank you for being honest. Happy G'Ma

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Hi, I am an adoptive mom~~~I hope you don't mind me popping in on your thread. Your post tugs at my heart. I can only imagine how difficult this struggle must be for you. I hope that you are able to make connections here that will help you to make a decision that is right for you and your children. Anyhow, as an adoptive mom, I can tell you that no matter how disappointed I might be if & when a "match" fails, I would never want to adopt a baby with the knowledge that his mommy was unsure of her decision. I wouldn't be able to live with that knowledge. Best wishes to you. [/FONT]

[QUOTE=veryveryconfused] 1. Is it normal to feel so torn about whether to parent or not? What has that been like for you? 2. If I do adoption, should I choose another family or go back to the old one? What would you do in my situation? QUOTE] Okay, another adoptive mom here. Butting into your forum with a couple of thoughts, and hopefully some support. I feel your uncertainty, love and pain. You seem to be too conflicted at this point to make a final decision. I hope you find peace, and will know what is right for you. I have not been in your shoes, so I will not pretend to know how you feel, but I wanted to address your two questions with some thoughts that came to mind while reading your original post... 1. - The emotions are best addressed by other firstparents who have been in your shoes (those who parented and those who placed), but I strongly feel that adoption is a HUGE decision, and I would advise you not to make it while feeling so torn. Yes, I think your feelings are completely normal. How could they not be? But you need to figure it out BEFORE you place (IF you place). Both of my children's birthmothers struggled with their emotions, but were not torn in their decision. They had pain, of course, and wanted to change their minds, but never questioned what they should do - just whether they wanted to do it. They were firm in their belief that this was the right course for them. I would caution anyone going into adoption (on either side) if they have uncertainties about whether it is right for them. 2. Only you can decide where your child belongs. Who knows, maybe it's with you. But if you DO decide to place, choose what is best for your child. NEVER out of obligation to a prospective aparent. You are obligated ONLY to your child. You have the right (and responsibility) to provide the best you can for your baby - either yourself, or by choosing the family you feel good about. You have no obligations to anyone else but your baby. This is no time to be a people pleaser. As a prospective adoptive parent, would I be heartbroken if I was expecting a baby, and then the birthmother changed her mind and picked another family? (or chose to parent?) Yes. Probably. Might as well be honest. BUT I would also understand that her responsibility is not to me. My feelings are not her first priority. In fact, my feelings should not weigh in her decision at all. As the previous poster said - I, too, would not want to adopt a baby knowing that his mother did not want to place. You owe it to yourself to give it time, to feel, to decide what you want, what is right for you and your baby. I can't help you in your decision, no one really can. It is yours to make. But I wish you the best in figuring it out, and having the strength, courage and support you need, whichever you choose. (((HUGS!!)))

Welcome to you all: Ashleyrose, timeaftertime, mommytobeesoon. Only you can make the decision. As those of use who chose adoption continue to point out, no choice is the "easy" way out. Listen to your own hearts. Life may not be easy if you keep your babies; most of us have found life with out them is not easy either. I chose to place my firstborn because I wanted him to have two parents who were prepared to parent in a way I was not. For us it worked, although both D and I had difficult patches at various times. Now, 35 years later, we're getting to know each other.

DITTO SUSIELOU - Adoption creates immeasurable loss for both the adopted child and the mother who gave the child life - the adoptive parents are the only ones to gain without loss and therefore can easily perceive adoption as a "positive" experience - that is, the adopters gain a child they never would have had, the mother who gave life loses her baby to the Control of the adoptive parents and the Baby loses the connection with his/her Mother and doesn't have a Vote in the process - hardly a Positive experience for the Mother and Baby - Fallen

A response has been deleted due to anti adoption/aparent comments. Please remember that while we recognize all sides need and should be presented, we do not allow generalizations here at Adoption.com.

Let's continue to be supportive of the OP or I will close this thread.

Thanks