Advertisements
Advertisements
HI, I am new here.
I adopted a baby out 6 months ago.
here is some of my story so you can see why I am asking for any and all advice!!!
my husband and I decided right away that we would adopt out, because of my health and knew i could die even staying pregnant but i wanted to give the baby the best she needed, and at the time I was so sick I could barely take care of the 5 children I already had, I was on birth control when i got pregnant, so i was very angry, when I found out.
OK any ways I had chose a couple they were both doctors and I thought wow what a great life this baby would have.
well my ex and his wife asked me if i would let them adopt the baby in stead, because they only had 1 baby together and she had 3 prior to there relations, and my ex and i had 2 together, they said they thought it would be good idea because the children would not be split up and and I could see the baby any time I wanted too, and they were a very happy couple so i agreed and , well um....
His wife had a rush to get the adoption finalized, and then told me her and my ex was getting a divorce and that she had it planned soon after I said they could adopt my baby she said she knew i would not adopt to her if she was divorcing my ex, so she wanted to wait till they got the baby and let me know when the adoption was finalized which is was the first of November, I want to sue her and get the adoption reversed if you can do that sort of thing, during this time I have found out from my children that she beat them and mentally abused them, I am so scared for my baby, his soon to be ex wife is also claiming that he molested her daughters so he can go to prison so he can not get custody of their daughter. if there is any one out there who has any advice please please give me some I am losing hair over all this and the depression of the adoption.
thank you
Tracy..
I also for got to add i had changed my mind at the end but she begged me to please go threw the adoption, there is more too all of this, but this is the short version of the story
Like
Share
View All Previous Posts
sweetheartnursery
she was divorcing my ex, so she wanted to wait till they got the baby and let me know when the adoption was finalized which is was the first of November, I want to sue her and get the adoption reversed if you can do that sort of thing, during this time I have found out from my children that she beat them and mentally abused them, I am so scared for my baby, his soon to be ex wife is also claiming that he molested her daughters so he can go to prison so he can not get custody of their daughter. if there is any one out there who has any advice please please give me some I am losing hair over all this and the depression of the adoption.
Tracy..
If there is abuse involved in parenting, then social workers are usually quick to get on the scene and remove the children from their care, so this knowledge should give you added weight to reversing any adoption order. I think any judge would uphold your wishing to change your mind, given the facts you now have before you. I'm aghast at the conniving going on here, and it must double the trauma that you are already going through, but like others have said, you need legal advice immediately and I'm assuming that as you have already signed legal documents to go ahead with the adoption - you need to get that nullified promptly. Only the law can tell you at this stage, as Ravensong has said, get legal help, immediately. If you can't afford it, google what you can for aid assistance/free legal assistance, also you can get social workers onto it.
I'm sure these would be considered mitigating circumstances, but get the strong arm of the law behind you. Act immediately, let someone else be your strength, this must have sapped everything out of you. Take care.
Like
Share
Advertisements
thank all of you for replying, I forgot about legal aid I will find out what I can do, I just hope I do not have to go to michigan where the adoption took place, they had all moved to NC so my husband and I moved too, worst mistake ever
Like
Share
Hi, just saw this post by RANOUTOFNAMES and thought it may help?
Forum: \ADOPTION
\adoptive parents
\Adoptive parents support
\General adoptive parents support
Questions on contested adoptions
ranoutofnames
From looking at your other posts it appears this is a domestic adoption and that you currently don't have anyone contesting... is this correct?
In the case of a domestic adoption my understanding is that if there is no reason the bparents were coerced or taken advantage of then no one else can contest who they choose to raise the child they gave birth too.
Without disclosing the state you live in and the state your child came from it's difficult for other posters to help answer your questions.
I thought it was interesting about the bparents being coerced or taken advantage of, that seems to me to have definitely happened in your case.
Like
Share
Yes, coersion and fraud are both grounds for reversing the adoption. But you need to get professional help from a lawyer immediately. Since you relinquished your baby 6 months ago, the clock is ticking out on you. The longer the child is with your ex-husband's wife, the more reluctant the court will be in returning him/her to you.
Btw, was there ever a homestudy done on these people before they adopted?
Like
Share
Ok the state we lived in was michigan and we all now live in north carolina, and yes they had all the home studies done, but honestly people can hide how they are so to me home studies mean nothing, but of course means everything to the adoption agency
Like
Share
Advertisements
I'm not trying to be disrespectful but this really does sound Jerry springerish...come on...you most certainly will be able to reverse that adoption if what you say is happening is acutally happening but do you really think that you are capapble of handling another baby. Perhaps you should consider placing the child with a stable couple that really wants a child. Nevertheless, good luck.
Like
Share
I'm not trying to be disrespectful but this really does sound Jerry springerish
Interesting - I never see this type of comment made when similar situations are posted in regards to first families. I guess it’s that “adoptive families are without flaw” stereotype that makes you say that?
Anyway…back to the topic at hand…
The sad fact of the matter is - it DOES happen (and has) - do yourself a favor and get help now...don't let anyone 'guilt' you into letting the child stay because of your health...your inability to parent shouldn’t mean your child is left in a home where the family clearly lied their way through a homestudy.
Imagine, years later, seeing the damage done to your child, knowing that if you'd just acted when the warning signs first presented themselves, you could have avoided a lifetime of pain and abuse that your child could suffer at the hands of their parents.
If you feel that you were lied to, coerced or mislead, please retain the services of an attorney right away and fight for what is best for your child.
If they lied about their marriage…what else could they have lied about?
Like
Share
This is so sad!!! You need to talk to a lawyer TODAY!!! - if you haven't already. You need to do it fast to protect your baby!
Don't worry about what to do - whether to parent of place with someone else until later. That is irrelevant right now. Right now you need to get your baby out of there. I hope it is not too late. Like the others said, the clock is ticking. They played you, and that angers me to no end. They had no right to lie about those VERY IMPORTANT things on the homestudy. If they knew they were divorcing, no agency I know of would allow them to adopt, and for SURE if anyone knew about the molesting thing. If it's true, she should be in hot water for not admitting it up front - and adopting a baby with that going on in the home? Dispicable. That should help your case. And if it's not true, then she's playing a serious game accusing her husband to get custody. Either way, it should help get your baby out of there.
Just move quickly! I know you are busy - with five children and a busy life, but drop everything else and do it today!!
Sending prayers and hugs your way. So sorry you are going through this! Keep us posted on what happens, okay?
Like
Share
Like I said..there was no disrespect intended for the person but lets be real here...it doesn't seem like either party (birth mother or adoptive family) is fit to meet the needs of this child. A child is a huge responsibility and in my line of work I see what unfit parents can do every single day. Its very sad! The woman really needs to get help but can she really take care of that child with the circumstances at hand.
Like
Share
Advertisements
Hmmm deanierose - is there something more that you know about this case that hasn't been shared?
You've made a pretty outrageous judgment based on less than one sentence in a post…unless, as I said above, you know more than is being shared.
Like
Share
OK, I am ignoring her comment, because i emailed her directly.
any ways I have called attorneys and it doesn't look good for me, because the adoption was finalized, they said I would need a 10,000 retainer, holey COW, it didn't even cost them that to adopt her, all I can say is I was stupid for not getting an attorney, they had one and would have had to pay for me to have one, and a councilor but because I thought i knew them so well i didn't get either, I thought it would be all right!
this just is not the life I wanted for that poor poor sweet baby, if I am allowed to show pictures I would love to share pictures of me and my husband and the baby and all my children, this story is real no matter how Jerry springer it sounds, I have been feeling like giving up on life and not take my meds and for get treatment, this is all too much for me to bare, I had high hopes till i called around to attorneys, I even had one hang up on me, I am so depressed, that they can allow this witch to have my baby, and be allowed to make false accusations against my ex, they said if she is found that she has lied and got those girls to lie she will go to jail and my ex will end up with the baby and their 1 daughter they have together. so we will see, I am going to still try about getting the baby back or at least in another home, I would rather see her here with me, I would be to scared to have her be in another home and find out she is being abused or something.
OK I am going to go for now, i will keep every one up dated, if they want me too! any one is free to email me privately if they want, hugmeim_tracy@yahoo.com
thank you all for posting replies
Tracy
Like
Share
Did you contact social services? Since your children have told you they are being abused you may need to tell social services...maybe you could talk to their school teachers and find out how. I'm so sorry they lied to you, this sounds like a very frighening situation. You have every right to fight for your child.
Like
Share
deanierose
I'm not trying to be disrespectful but this really does sound Jerry springerish...come on...you most certainly will be able to reverse that adoption if what you say is happening is acutally happening but do you really think that you are capapble of handling another baby. Perhaps you should consider placing the child with a stable couple that really wants a child. Nevertheless, good luck.
deanierose
Like I said..there was no disrespect intended for the person but lets be real here...it doesn't seem like either party (birth mother or adoptive family) is fit to meet the needs of this child. A child is a huge responsibility and in my line of work I see what unfit parents can do every single day. Its very sad! The woman really needs to get help but can she really take care of that child with the circumstances at hand.
You may say that you do not mean any disrespect but the attitude that is coming across on your posts is pretty judgemental. There are always instances of adoptive parents that can be tarred with the same brush as you have used to describe sweetheartnursery and her choice of parents, that may turn out not to be 'stable', even though they convinced the authorities they were suitable parents. There are also adoptees that go to school and cause enormous grief for some fabulous aparents . This can go into adulthood too. Ask me, my sons aparents are pulling their hair out and they are great parents and stable too. Their and my son is causing unimaginable grief all round. Are you therefore going to label me an unfit mother, or them? Where does the accusation arrow go?
Well, on these boards, it doesn't go anywhere, because most members know the complexity of what is involved and the damaged feelings. Its not an easy position to be in, whatever side of the triad one is in. Your posts have left me feeling somewhat annoyed, because sweetheartnursery has come on these boards for support, not to be questioned as to whether she is a 'fit' mother, or that 'stable' applies only to those who 'really want a child'. She has already admitted that she can't cope with another child, which is why she was putting her baby up for adoption, trying her best, to rectify what has turned out to be a pretty unpleasant scenario - so who are you to be her judge?
You are new on these boards and perhaps don't appreciate the approach that forum moderators try to maintain - to keep these boards as a place of refuge, warmth, understanding and support. Try to lighten up a bit and get a wider understanding of what is involved here. You seem very narrow in your opinion and experience of adoption issues. I would encourage you not to post if you can't be less judgemental and a little more encouraging.
Like
Share
Advertisements
I am speechless, I can not tell you or explain the emotions that I am feeling after what you just wrote all i can say is thank you, for standing up for me and what this board is for, I can say I do not think she understands how she made me feel, even after I wrote her. thank you
Tracy
Like
Share
sweetheartnursery
I am speechless, I can not tell you or explain the emotions that I am feeling after what you just wrote all i can say is thank you, for standing up for me and what this board is for, I can say I do not think she understands how she made me feel, even after I wrote her. thank you
Tracy
Hi Tracy,
how are you feeling today? Hope you had a nice sleep, something I wish for these days, but seems illusive. I have a cold in de nose and de throat and it just won't ease up. Hardly surprising really when I think of the stress I'm going through, so there you are, we have something in common!!! Not much has happened since I spoke to you last, other than I've been up half the night, although my son sent me an email which I opened in the middle of the night and that was comforting, of sorts. I do so hope you are managing to keep your head above water and getting some kind of result, even if tiny steps, I hope some encouragement is coming your way.
Take care, speak soon, don't let the beggars get you down (old English saying) :hissy:
Janny:cowboy:
Like
Share