If an Adoptee Cries

Yes, IS sad but she went on to perservere and now is happily reunited with her birthparents! She told me she just has to remember that they ARE strangers - she didn't grow up with them - and that ANY relationship she has with them is a bonus (!) she wouldn't have had if they hadn't had the chance to reunite. I think it is a positive way to believe when dealing with all the awkwardness of reunion. Hope your day goes better! Hugs - MJ

I hope everything continues to go well for your friend and for every adoptee out there who is looking to re-unite and search.

I am really touched by your post. I'm adopted also fortunately into a really great family! However I have been searching for my biological family for years and feel the same way you do, So it is nice to know someone else feels the same way and is going through the same things I am!

I am sorry I haven't been here for a while. I have been kind of sick this winter. I feel so guilty for not keeping up. Are you guys doing ok? Thank you Rebecca for keeping up with everyone. Your words are so helpful. heidi

I am finally starting to feel better but I still have this stupid cough. How is everyone doing? Did we work out the video problem? My son and I went over some stuff and we both agree that video was probably just read only or locked. Did you talk to the lady at your church? Did your mom get to see it? What going on with everyone? I feel so behind. Miss you all Heidi

I learned from a young age to cry quietly so that no one would hear me. I was made to feel selfish for wanting to know about my past and my birthparents, and other people who knew made me feel like dirt about it. So I did cry, but I learned to never let them see it. I had to tighten up and not let the world hurt me. It was still hard and I spent too many years pushing it down and trying to numb the pain. I'm just now comming to terms with all of it.

Hi Heidi....I hear you...and yes there have been many tears in regards to the whole adoption process. I have been an adoptee a very long time so there hav been many times when tears came...and were unhheard.... Drywall

I have given up the fantasy she'll come and find me. I have given up the fantasy that there is anyone but me that loves me, and I don't love me all the time. I have learned thru my years that love or the actions of "love" are a manipulation of me, my thoughts, my emotions, my loyalties. Perhaps I am mistaken but my life experiences say differently. No one has loved me, they loved who I may become, what I may do for them, but never me. Cry? For my loss? If I cry, I cry for my naive desire to be loved and how can I let it happen again to me, only to see it come full circle and find only me alone crying in a dark place. Showing them I cry simply gives them the knowledge that I can be hurt again, and again, and forever. I would rather show them that their false love is plainly open for all to see and and find repugnant for what it is. Now that I am in my final years I will no longer be the child that has the toy held up just out of reach, I am going to go and sit and watch nature for what it is, a place of beauty and continuing life without the pretense of "Love".

I am not an Adoptee, but i am a sibling. If I could hear my adopted brother's crying i would be there. but I can tell you I ask the same question about the sibling's that are searchin. I cry every night, i hope that one day they will hear me or i can cry tears of joy

"Never"....your thots are interesting. I always believed that love was only conditional. It represented the times when there were no negative reminders of my worth and value by others. During those times of "almost" forgiveness, there were misleading illusions and promotions that held out a hope that my status as suspect and tainted could be changed. I had hope. Maybe someone cared...if only for an instant. But the reality didn't fit.I was sentenced at 7. There was no rescue disc, or offers of help. There was only a silent level of grief, loss and abandonment that was handed down at the sentencing. The sentence would be life long and without reprieve. It would be left to me to make the pieces fit.Through the years the volume of water over the dam has been very large. Some experiences very painful. Now sunset is approaching. There is no hope, but there is peace. The childhood question I pondered over and over...if I were gone tomorrow, would it matter, and who would care...the answer is now simple...no one...

Drywall, That is the problem. Does anybody care? I don't think so! If anybody did this place would not exist. This place only exists in order to let the INDUSTRY that sold us into the emotional slavery we are in to appear magnanamous. If anybody cared adoption as it is would be outlawed. Records would be open. Birth parents would be required by law to meet us at least once. The people and this word is used loosely PEOPLE that sold us into adoption without protections for the questions of later in life would be standing trial as slavers. There would not be people in these forums listing themselves as 'Hoping to Adopt" withstanding reading our posts about the pain inflicted by adoption. No nobody really cares, it's about them not us as it has always been. The arguments that are put up for the circumstances of our separation from our mother and family are a sham. If we asked would they do anything for their child they uneqivocaly say yes but yet they relinquish rather than run with the baby. Their words don't match their actions, that is defined as to lie. I can never mistake a false statement for the truth. I hear only justifications for the actions, never that it is simply wrong to give up one's child. I watched a recent episode maybe it was the season opener of "The Closer" a pregnant woman was accused of making a gang hit for her boyfriend and was threatened with having her baby adopted when she went to prison or having it grow up with her family if she didn't confess. How could a police officer see her child as a thing to bargain with? Because nobody cares about us that's how! We are their mistake, their regret, their scandal, but never their child, never their flesh of their flesh. If our mother cant love us enough to keep us who will? Making the statement as some do that it's God's will or God's mistake, well that proves God doesn't love us either. The ultimate betrayal only compounded by our mother's betrayal. For some of us there is no love. Nor hope for it after a time. For some of us we see with clarity what others refuse to see, what others are unwilling to acknowledge, they failed at what lesser animals on the planet are successful at. Or maybe they realise at one moment in time they rejected their humanity and took a path they can't accept in others creatures of the earth. I am not sure, all I know is the rhetoric surrounding adoption would do a sleazy car salesman proud. Double talk from every side. And I'm positive this post will get me banned from this site but I hope you get to read my thoughts before it happens.

All of us have a story. It has a beginning, a middle and some form of ending. The endings never seem to match whats in our head...which is to find...have reunion, and live happily ever more.Even in cases where there has been an almost perfect reunion...in many cases the reunion expectations are far greater than the interactions by the members of the triad at the reunion...old memories and parts of adoption are continuing reminders....a reunion doesnt end that.Some stories have no ending. The search time was lengthy and it became evident, no one was there.We can however, look forward to healing. The books say the longer time away from a serious event, the greater the healing.All of us have that capacity to heal. It takes time, commitment and a willingness to be healed. At some point, we will discover that healing has occurred. It wont be 100%...nor can it be measured in percentages. All adoptees heal at different levels....some 60%...some 40%, some 90%, but it occurs. Also healing is not universal. Healing related to anger and rage does not necessarily transfer over to healing in areas of grief and loss. Those require their own commitment.Also resolving many adoption issues does not guarantee that healing will be complete in all areas.For those of us experiencing difficult reunions, or others who are waiting, searching and for which no reunion has occurred, healing will come, but it will take longer.As for our personal healing experiences, its easy to attach a percentage in terms of where our search is at the moment. Looking back to the point where the search was begun there were many more questions regarding the unknown than where the search is now. Every search only moves forward. Once the search information is provided, regardless of how scant that info is, there is no going back and that in and of itself is a form of healing.

I Do It Too. How Do I Start My Search. Been Trying Forever To Get A Hint Of Anything? Email Me .....aprilbcroskey@yahoo.com

april...it's hard to know how to help someone start a search, because it's unknown how much info they have.If you were adopted there is a court record of the adoption. Even tho those records may be sealed, there is non-identifying info that you can get.An original birth certificate is a good lead. It should provide some information regarding who your parents were.If the OBC is amended it may carry only the names of your adopted parents.If you have only very scant amounts of information, there are search angels here that will help you.I wish you the best.

I used to cry all the time. I was adopted at the age of 7 and cried all the time because I wanted my mom. Then I cried because I didnt want my adopted mom and now that I dont have either, I cant cry.