Adult Adoptees What signs does a Bmother look for when?

It seems to me that sometimes 18 year old adoptees are hit with a double whammee. As teens become adults they often pull away from their parents. (I remember counseling my mother to lighten up on my brothers because she was trying to hold on tightly while they were pulling away. My advice - leave them alone and they'll come home! Give them space!) An 18 year old adoptee often has an amom who becomes a little insecure because their baby is leaving home (like any mom when the child goes off on their own); add to that a bmom who has been dreaming of the moment when she can contact her "baby" for 18 years and you have a recipe for potential disaster. An 18 year old is not usually looking for another mother! That doesn't mean they don't want a relationship; they just don't want to me mothered! I actually enjoyed my daughter's college years... she began to talk to me again and consider me to be a person worth having in her life! (the years from 14-18 were very rough with her!) I'm virtually certain that had she been an adoptee, she would NOT have welcomed her bmom into her life with open arms at 18! We had to move at her pace to create the adult relationship we have now that she's 29. It has been a rewarding journey. I agree with Pomme... take it slowly and develop your own place in her life. D and I share a special connection that I will never satisfactorally explain, I am not the mom who was there for him as he grew up (and even today when he needs something). We do share a bond that is deeper than mere aquaintances though. He calls our relationship healthy! I give thanks for that!