Just found out I was a foster kid

First of all, this is from my journal. Second, I don't mean to offend anyone by that term. I certainly don't mean it in a derogatory sense. It's just a matter of fact. I knew when I was born that I was sick & in the hospital. I thought it was only a couple days with my mother being there the whole time. But no. I was in the hospital a month & then in foster care for another month or so. The first person I bonded with was my foster mother, who then handed me to my bio mother, who was really messed up & had no maternal inclinations. So how does this make me feel? Well, everything. I'm angry that out of all my dozens of stable relatives, no one was there when I needed them the most & I was handed over to a stranger. I'm not surprised by this though. I feel connected to my family, but there's always this huge wedge & because I always wanted a better life I thought it was me that put it there. Well, I didn't put it there, they did & it's always been there, so the guilt of that is removed. I feel relieved because there is a logical explanation for the way I've always felt. I've always felt like my needs were an inconvenience to others. I've often felt like I'm better off being alone. I've felt like a misfit & like I belong nowhere. And I've always felt unwanted. Now, I thought I felt this way because of a traumatic experience with my first step father. I was about 4 when he entered my life & he was an emotional bully. He never laid a hand on me in hindsite, but I was always afraid that he would at any second. But now I realize that he never stole any ability for me to bond with anyone, because I didn't have it to begin with. I don't feel so scarred, so damaged. He didn't steal from me something I didn't have & honestly I don't feel so abnormal now. There is a more logical, less traumatic reason for the way I feel & it's not so bad. I'm actually normal! Weird I know, but it's true. Anyway, thanks for listening.