Advice for the new year?

I say "Go for it!" You know your case better than they do anyway. I am serious about this> I went back and got my MSW in clinical practice because I wanted, in part, to be able to speak to the unethical practices of "adoption counselors".

Thanks Brenda. I do have educational plans in my near future but not as a lawyer. In fact I have been accepted into a prestigious program as one of the top five in the nation - so naturally I will follow through on that. (I was being facetious about being a lawyer - but thank you for the support in your belief that I could do it!) My other option is to represent myself, which I have seriously considered, but have been told that if I go in by myself and she goes in with her lawyer (the judge's friend) that I don't stand a chance. Of course, I haven't stood a chance yet, not even been allowed to give testimony. So I really don't know what to do...

Christie, can't you request a change in venue pretty soon? I thought that sometime this year you could have the case moved to your district. That, and with the Birth Mom turning 18 (I think?) and thus not getting free lawyers (I think?) should help a lot.

Hi Kay, Now that the birthmom is an adult she is still somehow receiving free legal services - but only by two lawyers instead of five. Yes, the next logical step is a change of venue later this year. That could prove to be nasty and expensive - but that is how my case has been all along. And this current judge is likely to strongly object - so I don't know what happens then. I do know that it will take a lawyer who is willing to fight a judge in another county and a judge here who is willing to support the legailities of venue change. In other words - I need a lawyer is who as good a friend with a new judge as hers is with the old one. Oh boy! If only the laws were what directed my case then this would have been over long ago. I just want a lawyer who will take my case for the express case of ending it - not keep it dragging on and on and on... I don't know how to procure a lawyer who will do more than accept a retainer and then sit on his * collecting my money and doing nothing. Very frustrating. And very helpful to come here and receive support and ideas. Thank you! Please keep them coming. C/

I do not think you are going to like all of my advice, but I'm going to offer it anyway in hopes that it will help. I have followed your story a little and hate what you have gone through. Though I understand that you are just venting, it's not true that all lawyers just collect retainers and then do nothing. Most of us take our jobs pretty seriously. Here is my advice: if you hold onto this attitude of how terrible all lawyers are, no good ones will agree to represent you. The only ones who will take your case will take it because they have to. Here's what I mean--- I am very fortunate in that I do not have to take every client that walks in the door---a happy result of being w/ a good firm and having a good reputation and plenty of business of my own. So when someone comes to see me who's fired 5 other lawyers and thinks all of us sit around collecting money we don't earn, my first thought is not "hmm, must be a really difficult case". It's "Hmm, must be a difficult client." Chances are good that I'm going to be #6 in the lineup. So I'm not going to take that case. If you really want to know how to find someone who's good, here are some things you should probably know about how we work: 1. When we talk/e-mail/meet with you, we are taking time from another client. We are paid for our time. If Client A is going to call me a lot, then haggle over my bill for that time, but Client B is going to pay the bill for the time spent, I'm a lot more likely to call Client B back first. 2. You are mired in what sounds like an awful mess of compounded legal/factual/systemic problems. Those happen---no matter how good or bad the lawyer is. Go into this with an understanding that even the best lawyer in the world cannot stop someone from filing unfounded claims or insane motions. No matter who you hire, they can't control the birthmother's behavior. 3. Adoption/custody/domestic matters may not be taken on under contingency arrangements (in which the lawyer is paid only if they achieve a desirable result for the client.) Ethical guidelines prohibit such arrangements (and think about why that is----would we really like a system where an attorney's fee would depend on a "successful" adoption?) So it's not really fair to go into this thinking: hey, why should I pay Lawyer X, he/she didn't do what I wanted. It might be more constructive to think about it this way: I am going to seek out the most knowledgeable, competent lawyer I can find because they are the most likely to be able use their resources and experience to help me get what I want. 4. Maybe the bmom's lawyer and the judge are friends. I have a lot of judge friends. One came to my baby shower. But you'd better believe that when I come before any of them for a case, I don't expect any favors, I am prepared, and I expect the ruling to be independent of our friendship. The truth is, most lawyers have friends that are judges, because most judges used to be lawyers. It is USUALLY not really material. I am not saying it couldn't possibly be a problem in your case, just that it's the reality of the legal world and it's really generally not a big deal. Before you hire the next lawyer, do spend some time summarizing your case, do a time line, and outline what result you are after (if I'm at the right point in the story, it's finalization.) Set out your concerns about finding ways to manage or minimize bmom's unfounded motions. Do this in writing, and keep it as lean and emotion free as you can. Call first, ask if you can buy a half hour consult from the best attorney you can afford, and if you can, e-mail the summary before the consult so they can have time to review it before meeting with you. Use the half hour to discuss what you are hoping to achieve and what suggestions they have to do that. While your past representations will become obvious or will be disclosed in paperwork at some point, do NOT spend valuable time berating your former lawyers. You might as well set fire to your money. I know how hurt and angry you are, and even though some of this advice may be kind of blunt, I really mean for it to be helpful in resolving the terrible situation you're in---I don't at all mean it as criticism. Here's to a better 2008 for you and your kiddo!

Hi HBV, I appreciate your advice. Sometimes we don't hear what we want to hear - but honest advice, with me, is always appreciated. I did not start out disliking lawyers - that took several years to grow. My case exists in a VERY small town where friendsips and politics do prevail. It is my hope that a larger city will help the laws to be followed. You are right that my anger and hurt are not helping me help my lawyer. In fairness I have tried being nice, patient, cooperative, etc. as well as nasty and rude and none of it got me anywhere. With my current lawyer I have been exceedingly nice and I call him every two weeks (but get no callbacks). Thank you for giving me your time and suggestions. I appreciate hearing anything that will help my case - and if I can do something personally to bring this to resolution then I want to hear it. Thanks again, C/

And a very happy New Year, I really have no advice other then through the eyes of a child. I believe there are lawyers that practice ONLY to make large amounts of money and really do not care if anyone other then themselves lives or dies. I also believe that they are not all like that.They are human beings that chose the profession they are in and deserve to be paid for it and some really do care about the clients they take. Our first attorney strung us along for almost $ 19000.knowing we had no chance of keeping the case in OH. Our NC attorney is great and you can look her in the eyes and tell that she wants what is best for DD.She knows that the Bfather has no chance of winning any case agaisnt us but still insists that we follow the procedures and in the end as she says if he is not serious about DD best interest he will hang himself in the courts eyes. So far that is what he is doing.He is sending some cards and a couple letters but still has not attempted to call her.I give him the benifit of the doubt and maybe this is his way of starting out small.He did sign one of the cards as Dad and this bothered DD and when she finally told us she said my dad sits in that chair he does not live in NC. Through the eyes of a child. She does not need court papers/she does not need to be told. Wheather anyone likes it or not she has become to know me as dad.What is she suppose to think after 9 yrs. Dad is only a title. A true parent would not try to force that title on anyone and I have not had to. It naturally came with the territory. The word mommy comes the same way. Through the eyes of a child. GOD BLESS