Advertisements
I am new to this website so please bare with me as i try to describe my situation as best as i can, and i warn you its gonne be a long one....
I am 22 years old, youngest of four kids and still living at home with both my parents. i have graduated from highschool and have been working full time since for a real estate company and had plans to get my real estate liscense. I recently just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl HG. when i found out i was pregnant i was already 31 weeks far along. The father and i were not really in a realtionship nor did i ever see us having a relationship. I told my entire family about the pregnancy and started to look into adoption. I picked out the family, met them. felt great about them.
In a way i sorta denied the whole pregnancy to myself and didn't feel the connection that most pregnant women feel. or at least i denied it to myself every day. Plus i was already 7 months along and didn't have that time to react to the shock of it all. In a way i still feel like im in shock, everything seems so surreal to me in a way .
Well the time came for me to give birth, I was induced, however my little girl was stubborn just like me, and was refusing 'to come out' . My doctor decided that c-section was the best thing at that time . Needless to say i was scared of course, my mother's been with me throughout the whole process, even met the adoptive family with me and has been a real rock of support for me.
Well now my little girl is here in this world and i've never felt so connected to anyone. I had to stay in the hosiptal for four days due to the c-section but to be honest, im glad i had extra time there as i was able to spend that time with my daughter. I got to feed her, hold her, change her etc as much as i wanted and I did. Now i've been home for a week and she's all im thinking about.
When i finally left the hospital,not that i wanted to, my mother told me that she'd support me either way and since then i'v ebeen trying to create a plan that invovles me parenting. Now my mother doesnt seem to be supporting this idea. I really feel like the only thing that is stopping me from parenting HG is the financial aspect. I've never lived on my own but that doens't scare me really. I can't assume that my parents would let us live here although i dont know why they wouldn't offer that to me. My mom has told me that she doens't think that i am ready to parent and i really do value her thoughts and feelings but i feel like im sorta having to now choose between my mom and my daughter and thats just something im not prepared to do.
the reasons that i had when i was pregnant about why i should place my baby for adoption just done'st seem to matter anymore, basically i was worried bout how my life would change and what i would be giving up, what would people say and how they would judge me,, and now that my daughter is here in this world, none of htat is important to me. i am proud of my daughter and want to continue that. I need to make this decision sooner rather then later as my daughter is in temp. foster care and needs to be settled but i just can't seem to make this decision. I've been to several different cousnlers and still can't seem to decide. Please help and tell me what you think, HONESTLY!!! I am so torn up about this.
Thank you for reading all that and for your help, i really do appreciate it!
Like
Share
Hi Hannah,
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! They really are amazing little creatures aren't they? After reading your post I really get the feeling that you know what the right decision is for yourself. Financially you will need help. Contact your local Dept of Health and Social Services and see about getting WIC, Medicaid, and any other services they may have.
There is this really great program through Nurse Family Partnership where you can have a nurse come to your home weekly until the baby is 2 years old to help you learn to take care of her and meet the challenges that will arise. ([url=http://www.nursefamilypartnership.org]:: Nurse Family Partnership ::[/url]) This is a great program. The Dept of Health office should know if this program is available in your area.
I'm giving you these resources because I hope you won't make your decision based strickly on the financial aspect. There is alot of help out there to get you on your feet.
You have to be totally honest with yourself. You will probably raise her alone, or with little help from your family. Are you prepared for that emotionally? Are you prepared to put her needs above yours for a very long time? The rewards are indescribable.
Are you talking to counselors who have experience with adoption? This really makes a big difference. Adoption is such a unique experience that unless they have been through it, it is very difficult to understand. I wish you peace as you make this decision. Please feel free to message me if you need anything. Please let us know what you decide.
Advertisements
I want to wish you best of luck. I can understand how your mom may not want you to "keep your child" as she probably had enough raising four children.
I dont have knowledge of that, but the first poster among others who will most likely pipe in will give you ideas on where to go for financial help.
If you do decide to parent, realize that youre not a minor, and most likely you will find a job that can pay the bills. There are probably also situations where you can share a house or a room with other folks in order to bring down the bills.
I guess you have to also think about schooling. Do you feel that you can attain the highest level of schooling you want with a newborn? Do vocational schools and colleges have on-site daycare for cheap? Do you feel that you can go back to school and find a decent paying career while you have a baby to take care of(some folks find the energy to do anything, others have lower energy levels physically).
I would think these would be some of the issues you have to look at.
I havent been in your shoes so I cannot help you from personal experience. I do wish you the best.
Amy K, NJ
Congratulations on your baby girl! From reading your post you actually sound very mature and capable of raising a child, but it will most definately be tough. Your mom may just be scared for you because she realizes how hard it will be. Its possible though! Seriously, look into local/state programs... i'm sure they'll be able to help. From the feeling I got reading your post, I think you should parent. It sounds like the only thing slowing you down is the concern for money, and IMO a child should almost never be placed for adoption based on money. Its a permanent choice for a temporary situation. When I placed my little boy almost 9 months ago I also spent as much time as possible with him, and although I bonded with him, fed him, changed him, I still knew that adoption was the right path for me. The only thing I could ask for now is more pictures from the adoptive parents (but I doubt even a pic a day would be enough for me :-D). I would recommend sitting down with your mom (if you decide to parent) and calmly explain you have made your choice, ask if you can live at home for a month to find a place (if you decide you wanna do that), and you hope she'll come play dress-up with you and your daughter as often as she can! Your mom sounds like she loves you a lot, and as i'm sure your already aware, they dont want to see their children struggle. Good luck, and keep us updated on whats going on!!
Please consider parenting your child. I know this is your decision, but you did ask for opinions. This is my opinion: You can do this. You will need help, but you CAN parent your baby. Resources ARE available. Once you make the commitment, your mom may become more supportive. It will be hard, but you know what? Being a mom is hard no matter what. It is also a great joy!
Don't worry about schooling right now. There is no rule that says you must go to college, or finish college, at a certain age. Make the calls to get the resources you need. Bring your baby home where she belongs -- which is with YOU! YOU are her mom, and she needs YOU!
Adoption is FOREVER! Are you ready to let go of your daughter forever? I surrendered my son, and it took 36 years before he was back in my life. I would not make the same choice again - no way! And, you can never reclaim all of that missing time.
As for open adoptions -- there are only a couple of states which actually enforce visitation. There are no guarantees in adoption. No one can promise your daughter a better life, only a different life. Adoption does not necessarily mean a better life for your daughter.
Please, please, please! Bring your baby home! She needs YOU!
My thoughts are with you...
Susan
Advertisements
First congrats on your New Baby Girl.
As an adoptee who has had a great life with her Aparents, I can honestly tell you that I am far from anti adoption. However, please do all you can to parent your daughter. Adoption is a PERMANANT solution to a TEMPORARY situation. Finances, living conditions, jobs, ect all can change f or the better, but once you sign your baby away you will have a heartbreak that will be with you for the balance of your life. If you really desire to parent do it! There are plenty of resourses out there to help you. Of course it may be difficult and you won't be able to live with all kinds of extra luxuries, but you will have your baby and your baby will have you and that is MOST important.
I firmly believe that adoption plans should not be made in a case where lack of finances are involved espcially if in your heart you desire to parent. there are many single parenst that have gone on to acheive their dreams whatever they may be while parenting.
Please do not sell yourself short, your baby needs you and you will make a wonderful parent.
God Bless,
EZ
When I read your post, I can see that you know what you want to do - - which is to parent your beautiful daughter that you love so deeply (congratulations, btw!). I have faith that you can do it and do it well. I know it seems "complicated" but I believe you can find the resources/financial help you may need. Best to you, Karen
SuddenlySusan
Please consider parenting your child. I know this is your decision, but you did ask for opinions. This is my opinion: You can do this. You will need help, but you CAN parent your baby. Resources ARE available. Once you make the commitment, your mom may become more supportive. It will be hard, but you know what? Being a mom is hard no matter what. It is also a great joy!
Don't worry about schooling right now. There is no rule that says you must go to college, or finish college, at a certain age. Make the calls to get the resources you need. Bring your baby home where she belongs -- which is with YOU! YOU are her mom, and she needs YOU!
Adoption is FOREVER! Are you ready to let go of your daughter forever? I surrendered my son, and it took 36 years before he was back in my life. I would not make the same choice again - no way! And, you can never reclaim all of that missing time.
As for open adoptions -- there are only a couple of states which actually enforce visitation. There are no guarantees in adoption. No one can promise your daughter a better life, only a different life. Adoption does not necessarily mean a better life for your daughter.
Please, please, please! Bring your baby home! She needs YOU!
My thoughts are with you...
Susan
Congratulations on your lovely baby girl!
I gave up a child when I was a few years younger than you. I had many of the same feelings at the time. I sympathize greatly with all the folks telling you to parent, and in the end it is your decision. Can you handle it? I couldn't at the time, I knew it, and I made the right decision. I still think of that beautiful baby, I am open to reunion if/when he wants it, and I still cry once in a while thinking of him. But I KNEW I couldn't give him the life he deserved. Yes, adoption is a permanent thing, and financial problems can be temporary. But his life is permanent, and I couldn't see any way to raise him as well as his adoptive parents could. For me, it was all about his life. Not an easy decision, believe me I know. But think long and hard about your baby, as well as your life. Adoption can be a good decision, too.
Whatever you decide, know you have lots of support and prayers here!
Advertisements
well i have fantastic news everyone.. im raising my daughter!
i would have never thought that i'd be in this situation a year ago but now that i am i can't wait.
I went and saw my daughter on monday through the agency and was with her the whole day, not wanting to put her down at all... so my parents and i sat down monday night, but still dind't have the decision, and then yesterday i saw my neice for the first time since xmas (i had been sorta avoiding her and my sister for some reason, i've been pretty jealous and resentful towards them both only b/c the thought of my sister being able to keep her baby and not me ate at me but anways...) and when isaw her and her mommy playing and even while she was throwing one of her 2 year old tantrums it "hit" me, i knew that i needd my daughter back!
so needless to say i stayed up till bout 530am this morning not able to sleep but ot b/c i was sad, but b/c i am overwhelmed with excitment and happpiness, for the first time in MONTHES!!!!!
I called the agenecy first thing this morning and looks like my daughter will be home by tomorrow morning at the latest. My mom and i are going shopping now for some cute outfits and a moniter and just the fun baby stuff... my mom and sisters have already planned an announcing Hanna to my family and friends! I could'nt have asked for more! I am just sooo excited and happpy at last.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone here. your words of encouragement and support has been the only thing getting me through this. Its been such a wonderful feeling knowing that other women out there DO feel the same way and are courageous enough to share their feelings and thoughts with complete strangers in hopes of helping just one person! Well ladies i commend you all, and please know that you have touched my heart and for that i will be forever greatful!
Congratulations, HannaGrace!You have shown great courage in making this decision, and I am so glad to hear that your mom is supportive of you. You have chosen a life of love for your daughter, rather one of regret -- I am so very happy for you both!Have a beautiful life together...Best wishes,Susan
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. All the best in the years ahead, you'll be fine. You won't regret this decision - it appears you have love, support and lots of enthusiasm. There is nothing more your daughter could want than being in her natural family. Enjoy! :paci: :cheer:
Advertisements