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I am new to this website so please bare with me as i try to describe my situation as best as i can, and i warn you its gonne be a long one....
I am 22 years old, youngest of four kids and still living at home with both my parents. i have graduated from highschool and have been working full time since for a real estate company and had plans to get my real estate liscense. I recently just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl HG. when i found out i was pregnant i was already 31 weeks far along. The father and i were not really in a realtionship nor did i ever see us having a relationship. I told my entire family about the pregnancy and started to look into adoption. I picked out the family, met them. felt great about them.
In a way i sorta denied the whole pregnancy to myself and didn't feel the connection that most pregnant women feel. or at least i denied it to myself every day. Plus i was already 7 months along and didn't have that time to react to the shock of it all. In a way i still feel like im in shock, everything seems so surreal to me in a way .
Well the time came for me to give birth, I was induced, however my little girl was stubborn just like me, and was refusing 'to come out' . My doctor decided that c-section was the best thing at that time . Needless to say i was scared of course, my mother's been with me throughout the whole process, even met the adoptive family with me and has been a real rock of support for me.
Well now my little girl is here in this world and i've never felt so connected to anyone. I had to stay in the hosiptal for four days due to the c-section but to be honest, im glad i had extra time there as i was able to spend that time with my daughter. I got to feed her, hold her, change her etc as much as i wanted and I did. Now i've been home for a week and she's all im thinking about.
When i finally left the hospital,not that i wanted to, my mother told me that she'd support me either way and since then i'v ebeen trying to create a plan that invovles me parenting. Now my mother doesnt seem to be supporting this idea. I really feel like the only thing that is stopping me from parenting HG is the financial aspect. I've never lived on my own but that doens't scare me really. I can't assume that my parents would let us live here although i dont know why they wouldn't offer that to me. My mom has told me that she doens't think that i am ready to parent and i really do value her thoughts and feelings but i feel like im sorta having to now choose between my mom and my daughter and thats just something im not prepared to do.
the reasons that i had when i was pregnant about why i should place my baby for adoption just done'st seem to matter anymore, basically i was worried bout how my life would change and what i would be giving up, what would people say and how they would judge me,, and now that my daughter is here in this world, none of htat is important to me. i am proud of my daughter and want to continue that. I need to make this decision sooner rather then later as my daughter is in temp. foster care and needs to be settled but i just can't seem to make this decision. I've been to several different cousnlers and still can't seem to decide. Please help and tell me what you think, HONESTLY!!! I am so torn up about this.
Thank you for reading all that and for your help, i really do appreciate it!
First, Congrats on your daughter!
the reasons that i had when i was pregnant about why i should place my baby for adoption just done'st seem to matter anymore, basically i was worried bout how my life would change and what i would be giving up, what would people say and how they would judge me,, and now that my daughter is here in this world, none of htat is important to me.
I know these feelings all too well! (I decided to parent after an adoption plan.)
If you are having a change of heart, by all means follow what your heart is telling you!
What about bringing your daughter home for a week and seeing how things go. Don't let money stop you from parenting. Check out local resources if you need them. You won't need them forever.
Whatever you do DO NOT sign TPR until you are absolutely sure adoption is what is best.
This is your daughter and if you are wanting to parent her, you do just that.
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