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I am new to this website so please bare with me as i try to describe my situation as best as i can, and i warn you its gonne be a long one....
I am 22 years old, youngest of four kids and still living at home with both my parents. i have graduated from highschool and have been working full time since for a real estate company and had plans to get my real estate liscense. I recently just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl HG. when i found out i was pregnant i was already 31 weeks far along. The father and i were not really in a realtionship nor did i ever see us having a relationship. I told my entire family about the pregnancy and started to look into adoption. I picked out the family, met them. felt great about them.
In a way i sorta denied the whole pregnancy to myself and didn't feel the connection that most pregnant women feel. or at least i denied it to myself every day. Plus i was already 7 months along and didn't have that time to react to the shock of it all. In a way i still feel like im in shock, everything seems so surreal to me in a way .
Well the time came for me to give birth, I was induced, however my little girl was stubborn just like me, and was refusing 'to come out' . My doctor decided that c-section was the best thing at that time . Needless to say i was scared of course, my mother's been with me throughout the whole process, even met the adoptive family with me and has been a real rock of support for me.
Well now my little girl is here in this world and i've never felt so connected to anyone. I had to stay in the hosiptal for four days due to the c-section but to be honest, im glad i had extra time there as i was able to spend that time with my daughter. I got to feed her, hold her, change her etc as much as i wanted and I did. Now i've been home for a week and she's all im thinking about.
When i finally left the hospital,not that i wanted to, my mother told me that she'd support me either way and since then i'v ebeen trying to create a plan that invovles me parenting. Now my mother doesnt seem to be supporting this idea. I really feel like the only thing that is stopping me from parenting HG is the financial aspect. I've never lived on my own but that doens't scare me really. I can't assume that my parents would let us live here although i dont know why they wouldn't offer that to me. My mom has told me that she doens't think that i am ready to parent and i really do value her thoughts and feelings but i feel like im sorta having to now choose between my mom and my daughter and thats just something im not prepared to do.
the reasons that i had when i was pregnant about why i should place my baby for adoption just done'st seem to matter anymore, basically i was worried bout how my life would change and what i would be giving up, what would people say and how they would judge me,, and now that my daughter is here in this world, none of htat is important to me. i am proud of my daughter and want to continue that. I need to make this decision sooner rather then later as my daughter is in temp. foster care and needs to be settled but i just can't seem to make this decision. I've been to several different cousnlers and still can't seem to decide. Please help and tell me what you think, HONESTLY!!! I am so torn up about this.
Thank you for reading all that and for your help, i really do appreciate it!
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Welcome to the forums! Your post took me back 17 years ago, the only difference is that I chose to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone except the birthfather. I had no support to parent, I felt like the only option I had was to place. Just a few years into the placement of my son I came to the realization that the ONLY reason I had placed was because of my financial situation. I had all the love in the world for him, but I lacked the financial ability to give him what I "thought" he needed, when in reality by the time he would have "needed" all the material things, I was in the position to give it to him. There are so many resources out there for single parents, it can be done. If you have the desire to parent, you can do it. Today I have 4 wonderful kids I parent and I regret that I didn't have anyone to encourage me to give parenting a try, to encourage me to seek out the resources available to me to keep my son with me. Sometimes adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and often financial situations are temporary. Please keep in mind that EVERYONE can have financial problems, this would include parents who are in the financial position to parent and then suffer a job loss or whatever. Adoption is a wonderful option, but it isn't always the only solution.Best of luck and if you need someone to talk to please feel free to PM me ((((hugs)))
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I am a single adoptive parent. :-) When I adopted I made $14/hour plus tips, when my daughter came into my life she brought a lot of blessings and one was my dream job (just still working out the kinks of my dream job so I'm still a little poor) anyway.....money IS NOT AN ISSUE :-) Even though it feels like it is.Do ANYTHING you can to be with your daughter if you feel that strongly. Those feelings will only grow and truthfully you will feel so much love and support if you share your life with your daughter, it will be one of the most beautiful relationships you will ever have.Go on welfare, go on WIC, get a loan...do anything...if you really want to parent, please don't let anything stop you....please. Just trust that things will work out. Start researching support groups and organizations that will offer you support. If you are working, maybe you should discuss your career plans with you boss and see if they can't excellerate your job promotions, apply for daycare assistance....have a real heart to heart with your folks....just exhaust all measures, before you chose not to parent your child.As one single mom to another....I will tell you, that you can do it! And it will be worth it! If you chose to place your child in an adoptive home, try to arrange an open adoption and get into thearapy......I think that there will be many unforseen losses that link to adoption in the future that a trained professional will help you heal through.....that's IF you choose not to parent....which I hope you will chose to do. :-)
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