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Originally Posted By KATHRYNAlmost 7 years ago I became a stepmom to a beautiful baby girl named Stephanie. When Stephanie was approximately 4 years of age, her biological mother basically walked out of her life. Of course, there was some court issues with child abuse, neglect, drugs and prostitution but all in all, this mother walked away from her baby girl. From that moment on, I made a promise to that beautiful baby girl that I would love her, nurturer her, and treat her as if she was my natural child. I have kept my promise. Stephanie is now going to be celebrating her 7th birthday. She is a very smart, intelligent, loving and well-mannered child. Stephanie is one to always look on the bright side of things no matter what. Of course Stephanie has no memories of her biologic mother. Her father and I have been married for over 7 years. I am the one Stephanie calls MOMMY. I am the one that never left her and never will.To this day, I cry for Stephanie, thinking someday my husband and I will have to tell her the truth of how her mother left her and treated her so badly. My opinion is that the biologic mother must have a heart of stone not to fight everyday of her living and breathing life to see her child.If you are a mother or father, you know that just the thought of being away from your child for a minute kills you. True parents would walk across fire, swim the ocean, and hike to the top of the highest mountain to see their child for just one moment. I know I would!Well, now I am trying to adopt Stephanie. With adoption, Stephanie will always know I did whatever I could to make sure that she is mine in every legal way. Also, I would never have to worry about her biological mother treating MY daughter like trash ever again.With adoption, Social Services gets involved, and they have to talk to the biological mother of Stephanie. This means that suddenly the biological mother gets to influence a huge decision in MY daughter's life. This is NOT understandable and will not and should not be excepted.We tried to get the Biological mother (Karen) to sign for this adoption, but guess what -- again she shows her lack of true love for Stephanie by saying No!! She will fight this adoption. She would rather save her pride in front of her family then do what's best for her daughter. Even 5 years later, she has not changed. She still puts herself before her children.Can anyone tell me why after all these years does our court system still allow people (mothers or fathers) that have been out of their child or children's life for so long to come back in? If this adoption does not go through, I am afraid that the courts will let this trashy mother around my baby girl again. You ask why would they??? Well, because she gave up a few hours of her life to lay down and give birth to this child. But yet, I gave my life, my heart and my soul to this child forever. Yet, I am the one on trial to see if the California court system will allow me to adopt what is already has been mine for so long. I feel I have done everything possible for this child and I should not have to show or prove to anyone I am a great mother. Stephanie and her brother know it and that's all that matters to me. Because of my husband, our families and myself, (and of course a great lawyer) Stephanie has had a great life with us.So the question I have for YOU, the American people, is - Why would any court think that just because someone gives birth or helps conceive a child, they should always have their right as a biological parent to come and disturb a child's life and then leave whenever they want. We as Americans and Parents need to change the laws so they serve for the best interest of are children not the parent that abandoned them.Please support me in changing the laws for our children by sending me email on what you would like to see in a new law for our children best interest.. Stephanie's
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Originally Posted By DorendaI think you just summed up the last five years of my life!! I met my husband five years ago. He was a single dad to a beautiful six year old little girl. My husband had been raising her since his divorce, when she was two. Six months after we met, we were engaged; we were married six months after that. His daughter became my daughter long before we were married. She and I immediate clicked with an amazing mother/daughter bond. Once we were married, I immediately wanted to change the life my daughter had known, i.e. the pain of a birth mother who lived just 10 minutes away but never visited or called, the constant disappointment and confusion of why her "mom" didn't want her but had two more children that she DID want. After two years of marriage, my husband and I seeked a step-parent adoption. I thought it would be a breeze...no contact w/the birth mom for two years, no child support payments were being made. Who could deny that I was what was best for my daughter!?? Well, the courts could. After a two-day trial (because the birth mother contested the adoption), a psychological evaluation on everyone involved, a positive drug test by the birth mother, a lawyer on behalf of my daughter fighting for the adoption, and two psychologists saying it would be in her best interest to be adopted, and my daughter herself telling the judge what she wanted, the judge DENIED MY PETITION. Why, you ask...because the birth mother would send ONE CHRISTMAS CARD A YEAR...and that was contact!!! What could be worse?!? They were going to make my daughter have regular visits with her, whether she wanted to go or not. There was nothing we could do to protect our little girl. How fair is that? I, too, live in California and know how frustrating the courts can be. I sympathize with you in your quest to adopt YOUR DAUGHTER. I, fortunately, have a happy ending. Five months after the trial when the judge denied my petition, the birth mother gave up her rights and allowed me to adopt my daughter. January 5, 2001 was the happiest day in me and my daughter's life. She no longer felt unwanted or panicked about the thought of visiting her birth mother. She is secure in the love I have for her and knows that I am, and always will be, here for her. I cherish everyday I am with her. Now, one year later, she is so happy and relaxed and carefree, just as an 11 year old should be. She now has contact with her birth mom and her two half-sisters, but it is on HER terms...not the courts or anyone elses. She has control over the situation now. Good luck in your quest and please, don't ever give up hope. As you know, just because you're not "legally" her mom, in her heart, she knows who is...that will always be you. You're the one who is there for the good and the bad. She looks to you for approval and guidance. Everything that a daughter looks for, in a mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know how it turns out. Good luck and keep fighting for your daughter.
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Originally Posted By DorendaI think you just summed up the last five years of my life!! I met my husband five years ago. He was a single dad to a beautiful six year old little girl. My husband had been raising her since his divorce, when she was two. Six months after we met, we were engaged; we were married six months after that. His daughter became my daughter long before we were married. She and I immediate clicked with an amazing mother/daughter bond. Once we were married, I immediately wanted to change the life my daughter had known, i.e. the pain of a birth mother who lived just 10 minutes away but never visited or called, the constant disappointment and confusion of why her "mom" didn't want her but had two more children that she DID want. After two years of marriage, my husband and I seeked a step-parent adoption. I thought it would be a breeze...no contact w/the birth mom for two years, no child support payments were being made. Who could deny that I was what was best for my daughter!?? Well, the courts could. After a two-day trial (because the birth mother contested the adoption), a psychological evaluation on everyone involved, a positive drug test by the birth mother, a lawyer on behalf of my daughter fighting for the adoption, and two psychologists saying it would be in her best interest to be adopted, and my daughter herself telling the judge what she wanted, the judge DENIED MY PETITION. Why, you ask...because the birth mother would send ONE CHRISTMAS CARD A YEAR...and that was contact!!! What could be worse?!? They were going to make my daughter have regular visits with her, whether she wanted to go or not. There was nothing we could do to protect our little girl. How fair is that? I, too, live in California and know how frustrating the courts can be. I sympathize with you in your quest to adopt YOUR DAUGHTER. I, fortunately, have a happy ending. Five months after the trial when the judge denied my petition, the birth mother gave up her rights and allowed me to adopt my daughter. January 5, 2001 was the happiest day in me and my daughter's life. She no longer felt unwanted or panicked about the thought of visiting her birth mother. She is secure in the love I have for her and knows that I am, and always will be, here for her. I cherish everyday I am with her. Now, one year later, she is so happy and relaxed and carefree, just as an 11 year old should be. She now has contact with her birth mom and her two half-sisters, but it is on HER terms...not the courts or anyone elses. She has control over the situation now. Good luck in your quest and please, don't ever give up hope. As you know, just because you're not "legally" her mom, in her heart, she knows who is...that will always be you. You're the one who is there for the good and the bad. She looks to you for approval and guidance. Everything that a daughter looks for, in a mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know how it turns out. Good luck and keep fighting for your daughter.
Originally Posted By SofiaI am going through the exact same thing! In California as well. My husband is trying to adopt my son. We also have to talk to teh social worker and she has to talk to the biological father. It drives me crazy. My son only knows my husband as his Daddy. We have barely filed the paper work necessary. We lay awake at night worrying about our son. His life is so happy and perfect and to think that this awful man can come and say "I want to see my son now" is ridiculous. He Hasn't seen my son since he was two years old. He is about to turn eight. I want to change the laws as well. Tahnk you for your story.
Originally Posted By MonicaMy situation is a little bit different, I am the mother of a beautiful 4yr old daughter and I am engaged to a wonderful man. My daughter has known my fiance as her daddy since she was about 18months her bio father left a few months after she was born and we were never married and his name is not on her birth certificate but she has his last name. Now my fiance and I are about to be married we are looking into stepparent adoption but it scares me to think that I have to notify the bio father I don't even know where he is and haven't spoken to him since he left. I am so afraid that if he is notified he will cause trouble and request visitation and my daughter dosent even know anything about him and he hasent even attemted to contact or support her. But on the other hand my daughter is going to start school next year and I am afraid she will question why her name dose not match my name her daddys name or her stepbrothers name and I dont know what to do. I can only hope and pray that out judicial system can see what is in the best intrest of my child. I wish you the best of luck with your case and I hope that one day our Judical system follows their best intrest of the child laws.
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Originally Posted By WendyI have thought for a long time that the laws needed to be changed. I have a 3 year old daughter from a previous marriage, and am now remarried. My husband is a wonderful Daddy, and we would love for him to be able to adopt my daughter. My ex-husband is a jerk. He will not hear about my husband adopting my daughter. He goes for months at a time without even calling to see if my daughter is okay. He won't pay his child support, he has drug problems, has been in trouble with the law, doesn't have a place to live, and he doesn't even work half the time. When my daughter goes for visitation, she goes to stay with his parents, she very rarely sees him. I think it is awful that he has as many rights to my daughter as I do. Sometimes I think that he has more rights to her than I do, and I am her Mother and I have always been there for her. He on the other hand has never been there for her. What do you do to try and get these laws changed?
Originally Posted By JessicaIf the Biological parent has not been around for any period of time, has not supported, or showed any interest in seeing the child or caring for the childs well being. And if you don't know were the absent parent is or how to contact them even better. You can do an adoption by proof of child abondenment. I filed my divorce by publication and had my husband become the legal guardian/Father of our boys by publication, proving abondenment. Our boys are 8 & 10 Bio-father hasn't been around in 8 years + We could've filed much earlier, but we just procrastinated, because I didn't want to find or attemt to search for bio-dad. Anyway there is a way to do abandenment adoptions. Have a lawyer look into it for you and see how the law works in your state. Good luck
It is comforting to know that we aren't alone out there. My daughter is 11 1/2 years old and my husband and I have been together for over 7 years. My daughter's bio father has never seen her, had contact or (obviously) paid any support. Two months ago we decided to go through the with the adoption which we all wanted, and I just found out today that her bio father "wants to get to know her"! When we started this whole process, we sat down with her and told her about her bio father. She has never asked anything about him other than she wanted to know if he could stop her Daddy from adopting her. She is a very wonderful little girl and bringing this man into her life would destroy it, in my opinion. I cannot believe that he would have a leg to stand on in court after almost 12 years! I could really use any words of encouragement/hope that you all may have.:) Lets hope that all of us that are going through this are blessed and everything will turn out for the best for our children.
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hi all, reading threw all of these i feel the same way. why does someone that has NOTHING to do w/ OUR child(s) have more rights than we do? its wrong and makes me sick at times. i've been w/ my husband and dd for 5 yrs, married just over 2. my girls bm has only seen her once, 2 cards/letters and 20 or so calls and scattered csc IN 5 YEARS! and yes it scares me to think that if something was to happen to my dh my dd would be shiped off w/ a stranger. she has caused many problems for us. and the courts don't see it that way. if anyone would like to talk more about it (their situation (sp?) or just to vent (i like to do that time to time and it does help to vent w/ someone that knows what your talking about) feel free to email me at-- Blue_Eies_20@ yahoo.com.
the laws NEED chaned!
Joy
I can relate to you all .
I went with my step daught to the hospital to give birth to her son she was 16 and very nieve.
she had her life still infront of her we brought the baby home I done every thing for the baby yes the mother did some also not much she want to run and be with her friends still and I allI want to do was protect this ineccent child.
so I had this little bot for 10 years , my stepdaughter got married to the father and they would come get him from time totime and then the parties come so I would bring him back home. her father and I got gardinship of the baby boy.
well one day the mom and dad want to hurt me some how and the only way they could was to take me to court and get him back and the judge did just that.
I was divorced buy that time and haven't been able to see the boy sense at all in 3 years .
I about had a nerves brake down.
I live one day at a time now .
Lorie
may I share my story....?? over 2 years ago my now husband went to pick up his children for x-mas break....arrangements were discussed and made on when he would take the children back...he was to meet his mother (we live in Arkansas and they lived in Texas) in Texas and she was going to take them home with her for a night and 2 and the bio mother would pick them up. the day after he took them to meet his mother the bio mother called and said she was not coming back from her trip to WA. my husband dropped everything and went to get the boys under advise from his attorney. make a long story shorter...we waited the 1 year (law under AR) no contact or support and filed a petition for me to adopt them....of coarse she had to be contacted (MAKES NO SENCE TO ME) and she of coarse said NO!!! we appeared in front of a judge in July of 03 and still to this day...March 10, 2004 have no answer from the judge. fortunately the bio mother finally agreed (after much of me just talking to her and letting her see I was not gonna give up and these were in my book "MY CHILDREN") to sign the consent forms. she of coarse has had life hanging experiences...ie...she got remarried and just recently had another child. just a word of advise....DOCUMENT EVERYTHING....every conversation, every dime, pamper, outfit, down to even a piece of candy. I feel we just happened to luck out with her having "a new life" and thats why I am going to be able to adopt my boys. JUDGES and COURT is a crock o crap.....people commiting murder get an answer to their case in a more timely manner than we have.
in conclusion.....BE STRONG no matter what situation occurs the love and support those children see from you is what they will see in the long run and their feelings and opinions are what matters in the end so do what will benefit them and a stable loving environment is the best benefit of all.
I can relate to all this. I was in a very non healthy relationship with my ex. I found out I was preg. and then the same day my friend asked me what the result was. I asked her why. Then she said she hoped I wasn't because he (the ex.) just told her that he wanted to get me preg. to have the perfect child(blonde hair blue eyes.) With all that said I drew the line and broke it all off and said I can do this by my self. I ended up with a very close friend who stayed by my side through the entire preg. One year later we married. Now my daughter is 6 and we were thinking about getting her adopted to her stepdad who she has always seen as her father. The messed up thing about it is the courts want to get the "sperm doner" to sign his rights away when he has not participated in her life at all. I just wanted to scream. Of course he aint going to sign it. He is a real dead beat. I want to go around it but here in wa. they dont accept the fact that he has not been in her life, and there is no bond. They still want to get him to sign.
I really want her to have what is best for her and all of our names to be the same (like her lil bro.)
I am truely stuck. Attorneys are asking way too much over 1,800 with out including the retainer.
Could any one give advise please.
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Hello, I know how u feel and what u r going threw. I have 5 yr old step son that has been with me since he was 2yrs old. His birth mother has nothing to do with him at all and she wont agree to sign papers to let me adopt him. She walk out on him when he was 16 months old and has never looked back, once. We have taken her to court to try and get her to make visits and pay child support but still nothing. I wonted to give her a chance because I am a mother myself, but I now see that she is not even close to being a mother. But in Florida it is very hard to have the birth mothers rights terminated. So it makes it even harder for me to adopt him but I will never give up. I see it this way, if these mothers don't wont to spend time with there child or have any contact, then they should just do what is best for the child and let the us adopt the child. We r the ones that have been there all these years raiseing the child or children making them who they are today. Best of luck to u
I have a 5 year old son and my newly-wed husband has been in his life since he was almost 3 years old. The bio-father is not on the birth certificate, does not pay child support, and has not seen him in years. He impregnated me on purpose when I was 18 years old and told me that I owed him a child back then. Then when I turned up pregnant, said that he wasn't sure it was his. Now my husband awants to adopt "our" son and bio-dad is saying that he is not going to sign the papers and wants to take it to court.... I am finally stable and happy in my life and now he wants to come back and mess it all up again!! I am sooo upset about all this and wish there was a different way. He technically abandoned him for all these years and now he's being like this since my husband wants to take full responsibility of him. I don't even know where to start. Can someone help me out?!?! my email adx is adrivale80@yahoo.com. Thank you...