Single male looking to adopt... any concerns?

Well Muse, If he adopts within the next year, he could be childless again at 42 which by no means is too old to "live life". It all depends on your prospective. I suggest you google something like "domestic adoption + single men" or "international adoption + single men" and you may get some answers on their web site. Absolutely not, I don't mean to preach my " poor little minority" sob stories but a lot of people have told me and a lots of other people that adoption was not possible because I'm a lesbian. A few agencies have even told me that blacks could not adopt from China or Korea. But I have met plenty who overcame these barriers and now have the perfect family they always dreamed of. Well, as I said before I'm a lesbian so... no however, I am single and young (only 25) like you. It depends, some countries and/or agencies don't allow certain people to adopt. I suggest you ask the agency you are considering whether or not you qualify because each agency/state/country have their own requirements and rules. Brook, before you decide which path is best for you consider looking at all directions. Attend infomation meeting about international, domestic and foster care. Visit support groups and talk to other adoptive parents about the process. Write down your criterias and characteristic you would like in a child (example: a female hispanic sibling group of two between the ages of 2-18). Then see which route will lead you to this, its perfectly ok to consider one route and then change your mind, this is what exploring is all about.

Foster care adoptions shouldn't be a problem. However, these kids are traumatized. You're going to need a strong support system.

A friend of mine is a single guy and he adopted from Vietnam. Vietnams program is currently closed to everyone but may open again. I am not sure if single guys are still able to adopt from there once it opens up but it is a country you can research. Good luck

Don't give up.

I'm a 29 year old single male who is also starting to look at adopting a child of my own. But I would like to offer some key advice after helping raise another child who came from a single parent home from a very abusive mother. 1) Kids can definitely be a drain on your expenses. You want to be sure you are financially stable before you take on trying to raise a child. That includes health insurance, clothes, food, a car, college, vacations....etc. 2) A good support system - At the time when I started raising this child (started at 11 and he is now 16), I had no support from friends or family or even my own church. You might be able to handle it, but the kid will pick up on it and feel like he or she has done something wrong. Be sure you have some friends willing to stand behind you on this decision. 3) The teenage years! Until the kid I helped turned into a full fledged teenager, I never understood how difficult it can to be a parent. You want to be show them how much you love them, but you also have to be tough on them. Trust me, it is much more difficult than it sounds. Even now, I struggle with this one. 4) And you should never give up or listen to others. Only you can decide if you are ready to adopt. 5) Be sure you are ready. I'm just beginning to look into adoption, but I want to be sure my life is stable enough before bringing home another child. Your lifestyle will change completely and will be focused on your child more than your own life. Be sure you're ready to give that up. As I'm also just starting on this journey of adopting a child of my own; the child I was helping raise moved with some of his family away from his abusive mother and is much happier. The reason I want to adopt is because I love children too and would like to have a family of my own. I would love any advice. I know as a single guy who hasn't dated in a while there will be some tough barriers to get over. But I believe if God wants me to have a child, then he will remove those barriers with time.

You may want to look at posts by "indy" - he is a single dad who has adopted many sons through the foster care system in the US. Also, in the book "There is no You without me", the author talks a bit about a single dad who has adopted many from Ethiopia - although they live in Ethiopia (he is American) it is nice to see that side of things and may be of interest to you... It sounds like you are pretty stable financially and have a good career ahead of you - and only you know when it is time! But, I can say as someone who had her first at 19 and was a single mom during her early twenties - dating is not going to be easy!!! Although, in some ways it was easy - take us both or none at all! Helped to weed out the duds (-: I LOVED being a single parent. It changed the dynamics of parenting - my daughter and I were a "team", and made decisions (somewhat) togther. Although I am super happy being married now, I do miss the intense closeness with DD that I used to have. And, I found it was much easier just knowing things were my responsibility, rather than rely on someone to do them, but they never get done, you know??? I am not sure of countries open to single males, but one question - are you in the US? PM me if you want to chat about single parenting further! Good luck...

I am a single male parent (via surrogacy) and it's wonderful. Of course, my child just turned one so the teenager stage is many years away. To grow my family, surrogacy is always an option but I want to explore adoption. I was advised that Bulgaria accepts single male applicants so I have some thinking to do. I will say that a good support system helps big time. My immediate family (parents, siblings) all live nearby. Friends have been great too. My work is also quite flexible so that helps as well. All the best! :canada:

I've always wondered if it was possible for a single man to go the surrogacy route. What kind of legal hurdles are there for single men to adopt via surrogacy? How difficult is it to get a woman to carry a baby to term for such a person? I assume your Canadian flag means you're a citizen of our Northern neighbor...is it easier there than the US? David

Hi David, Actually, I know quite a few single men (straight and gay) who have gone the surrogate route. Laws vary. In Canada, surrogacy is legal but you can only reimburse your surrogate's expenses. You cannot compensate her for being your surrogate. In the US, it depends on the state. In some states, surrogacy period is illegal. Others there are restrictions (e.g., no compensation, only gestational surrogacy) while others it's all good such as California. And yet in others, like Georgia, there are no provisions in Georgia law dealing with surrogacy so it's good there as well. Some "chance" it in these non-surrogacy friendly states while others just find a surrogate in a surrogacy-friendly state including those that do not have a current law. The difficulty is usually finding the right surrogate for yourself, compensation requirements (as 99% require this), plus other "important" factors such as future contact, abortion/selective reduction, etc. To answer your question, given that most surrogates would like some form of compensation, many Canadians (and other Americans) go to surrogacy-friendly states to find their surrogate and deliver there. In my experience and knowledge, many surrogates are open to working with single males. Some surrogates do prefer a couple (whether gay or straight); however, I know many surrogates who only wish to work with single men or gay couples because they have had or have heard about negative experiences with the wife or lesbian couples. According to them, males tend (yes, it is a broad brush) to bring less drama and micro-managing into the surrogacy relationship. Hope that gives you further insight into surrogacy. It's not for everyone and there are those who are strongly opposed to it. But it's a wonderful opportunity for those who are open to it. One other thing - the other legal aspect to consider is the "parentage" of the child. In some places, you are the "father" while in other places it's the husband of the surrogate, if there is one, and you need to "adopt". There are other options. Cheers!

Thanks for the reply. While I still plan to try foster care adoption when I get out of school, I also wish to research this. A surrogate is more likely to result in a baby that hasn't gotten quite as much baggage with it. (No abuse, less likely for fetal alcohol, attachment problems, etc.) However, I'm not sure I can handle the enormous difficulty a baby presents. I'd be one of those dads scared they'd brake the baby, lol. My question for the rest of you guys. Do you know of any surrogate agencies that have a website and have the state of Georgia in its coverage area. David

I am a single woman who recently adopted. I just wanted to wish you well and let you know it is possible. Don't give up.

If you do a google search, you will find a few. Google SMO - you will find a lot of info there or get a lot of answers to your questions on surrogacy. All the best with your potential future adoption! PS - babies are not as fragile as us guys think. Sure you can't toss them around like footballs but it gets easier as you get to know him/her over time. For example, I thought it would be impossible to recognize the six or so different cries but true enough, you can tell the difference!

You are me...10 years ago, though I am older. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would have 10 sons, I would have told them they are out of their mind! So much has happened in 10 years, more than I could have possibly dreamed. I read the other posts and agree with them. There are many things you have to prepare for. 1. Be prepared for your family to desert you, if things get tough. They will say "I told you so". 2. Be prepared for a change of friends, especially your single ones. They won't be able to relate as well. 3. Be financially stable. Your employer must be in agreement, as your availability will change. 4. Develop relationships with doctors, dentists, specialists, and schools that will support you. 5. Read....but make intelligent decisions about what you read. Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has one. 6. Spend time getting to know yourself. Know what you can handle and set appropriate boundries for the type of child you are looking for. 7. Plan on scheduling "alone" time after you get your child. 8. Make sure you have an "exit" plan. 9. Visit the "special needs" board here at a.com. 10. Talk to others that have BTDT. These are the things that come to mind quickly. Feel free to PM me. I wish you the best in your journey.

Hello all,My name is Tracy O'Neill, and I'm writing an article about single men adopting children for Virginia Quarterly Review. If anyone would be willing to share their story with me, I hope you'll consider sending me an email at to2284@columbia.edu. To tell you a little more about myself, I'm a freelance writer who has contributed to RollingStone.com, TheAtlantic.com, and the NewYorker.com. I've also written a novel called The Hopeful, which is about an adopted young woman and which was reviewed on Adoption.com:http://adoption.com/book-review-the-hopeful I look forward to hearing from you and learning from you.Best,Tracy

I'm not sure I can handle the enormous difficulty a baby presents. I'd be one of those dads scared they'd brake the baby.