Spouses reaction

Thank you both for sharing. After I found D, GH said that he always thought that someday the phone would ring and D would be on the other end. He's put up with a lot over the years (I'm a very emotional person.)I love this pic of J with Z (D's second son)

My dh has been nothing BUT supportive. He feels like he's gained a son as well. He also puts up with my moodiness and tries to help me out.

I remember when I told my DH about my daughter. He said to me "If your daughter shows up at our house someday, we'll invite her in and share a cup of coffee with her". He was and still is very supportive.

It's great to have supportive husbands, isn't it?

I'm so happy for you all. Me, not so much. Although he (bdad) hasn't stopped me (like he could) from spending time and talking to bson he just can't. It's similar to a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. In time, he may come around but I'm not holding my breath. Also, I don't "flaunt" our relationship. I travel quite a bit for work so if I spend a few extra days with bson he knows that I'm there and who I'm with but I don't give him any details - unless he asks. His loss, but some days it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on or to share the "high". Someday. Thanks for being there. You have to look at the bright side - and there is one - sometimes you just have to look REALLY hard. :thankyou:

Keds, thank you for sharing a defferent response. Keep looking for that bright side!

Hi Kathy, I do try but it's hard. New crisis in the family - see other post - I think the easiest way to focus outwar is I keep telling myself - it's not all about me and there are worse things that could be happening. Take care. Kate

I have a colleague/friend who likes to say "I tell God I can't handle one more thing, and God says 'Sure you can and here it is.'"

You just made my day. That's exactly how I feel at the moment. Thank you. Ha, if God never gives us more than we can handle, sometimes, I wish he didn't have so much confidence in me. I miss you ladies.

I am the husband of a birthmother. We have recently reunited with her daughter. I know your question was directed to birthparents but I thought I would respond anyway. I have always been supportive of my wife. I have always helped her keep the memory of her daugther alive with her. I have always encouraged my wife to look for her daughter. Now that we have found her, I am always asking for any new information or stories about her. I love how happy my wife is and the glow that she has now. Amazingly, the finding of her and the reunion has strenghtened our marriage and makes me feel younger (I did not think either of these were possible). We are now a few months into the reunion and I am still supportive and very excited for my wife, her daughter and the birthfather (he reunited at the same time). When my wife is with her daughter, I try to give them as much space as possible. I am trying to give them time to bond and get to know each other. If they are at our house I try to stay out of the way. If my wife travels to her, I do not call, I wait for a call from her. Either way, once they depart each other, I am still "quizzing" my wife on their conversations (what she is willing to share). I must be honest, it has been much more difficult for me than I thought it would. I have had a very hard time figuring out what my role in the new relationship is. I've been told that I need to be supportive to everyone, which I have, but I can't help but to feel that I wish I were more. I love this young lady very much and she tells me that she loves me to, but with all the new people and family in her life, I sometimes feel like an extra person. My wife and I have children together as does the birthfather. Its obvious to me that all the children are her family as they are blood, but as I said, I not sure what I am. I will welcome whatever roel I am asked to fill. I hope this response was not to long winded. All and all I am very excited for my wife and I am very happy this has occurred. I'm sure that as I work out my own problems things will get easier.

Thank you very much for sharing your perspective. Unfortunately, there's no map for this journey. I suspect everyone involved is still trying to figure out their place in this newly expanded family. You said recently: how recently is that? My reunion is about 2 1/2 years at this point and we're definitely still learning.

We are about 3 months into the reunion.

You really are at the beginning stages of the reunion. Reality often is more difficult than we imagine. What seems like it will be seamless and simple is much more of a challenge (even when the reunion is a good one). I can understand what you are saying. D's birthfather was dead when I found D so he has not been in the picture. (Sadly, I do wish D could have met him). Since my husband is the father of D's siblings, he does have a discernable place in the family tree. He doesn't however feel the same connection I do. I guess my only advice for you if to keep doing what you are already doing... supporting your wife (and everyone else!) as the relationships develop. Her family includes you too, and you will find your place in this enlarged family.

ww3053 What I know about this is I will always.. always love my husband for the support he gave me when I reunited.. I knew he felt left out.. I know he tried to (did) support me when the going got tough.. And I know he backed off when I needed him to back off.. Now we are alone together retired.. and the kids are just fine.. bson as well.. I think of his support when he was uncomfortable.. and love him beyond words.. Jackie

My son found me by using a CI. When the CI called and told me my son was searching for me, I knew immediately that I was going to say yes to opening his birth records. But I told the CI that I needed to think about it, as I needed to talk to my husband first. He knew about my son of course, but having him in our lives would be a different ballgame. He was extremely supportive of my saying yes and having the records opened. But in the two months it took to have the paperwork done, we went through some very tough times. Not that he ever told me not to reunite, but I think he was scared. Plus then everyone would KNOW that I had a baby before I met him. His family knew, but then the world would know. I think he was worried about his place in this whole thing. The kids that he and I share are adopted, so he has no biological children and now I would have one. Randy (my bson) was married and had kids, so I was also an instant grandma. And where would he fit in all of this?? But it all worked out well. He was there when Randy and I met and he was there a month later when we had probably the toughest conversation we (randy & I) needed to have. We also met our grandsons that weekend and my husband was immediately 'papa', which is what they call their other grandpa too. It helped immensely that they included him completely. And Randy is now part of 'our family'. I will be forever grateful to my husband for his support. He never questions my frequent trips to my son's house or the hours spent on the phone. He loves them and they love him. He also listens when I need a sounding board, lol and this can be OFTEN. This was a situation that could make or break a marriage and with his support and understanding, we made it. It has really strengthened our marriage and I thank the Lord every day for my husband. Without him, this reunion wouldn't be the success that it is.