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Hey Everyone. I'm really hoping I can get some good advice and insight from this forum. My situation is that of a soap opera and I'm running out of time. I am 26 years old, married and have a 3 year old son. I got pregnant, planned, in November and found out my husband and I were expecting twins. This was a complete shock to us, but over time we got adjusted to the idea. Well, in retrospect I got adjusted to the idea. My husband just started having an affair with a co-worker. I found out about the affair in March, and my husband kept promising me it was over and he picked our family and he was done with her. We started counciling and I thought things were better. Well this of course was not true and we've got to the point where he left, without leaving, just not really coming home. I'm staying with my parents and he's staying at her place, unless it's his days to have our son, then he's at our old house. I am due to have the babies the 3rd week of July so I'm hoping to have 10 weeks yet of time to make the hardest decision I'll ever have to make in my life. Parent 3 children, 2 of which are twins by myself, with little to no income, depending on my husbands child support to pay my rent, and having the logistical problem of 1 person 3 children. My biggest fears are just not being able to do it, literally, I have 3 children that need me at the same moment and I'm only one person, I can't meet all their needs. Of course financially is a huge thing. I know that there are government programs to help, but it will be me, not anyone else, having to live in government housing, which where I live are slums, having to recertify every 6 months for all programs, go from government program to government program FOREVER. I'm worried about my mental status through all of this, Having to work 2 jobs just to scrape by stretched to my breaking point, tired all of the time and never even really spending time with them because of everything else I will have to do. My husband wants to keep the babies, of course he does. He wants everything. He wants to have his girlfriend, have his son on "his days" and get to come visit his twin girls when it's convenient for him...however the closer it gets to time the more open to adoption he is becoming. We are having a meeting with a counselor from a non-profit agency this weekend so I can get some info. The #1 thing I hear from your posts says to research all your options, where can I find all this info to research. I feel like most stuff comes from an agency, and I'm a bit weary of just taking it as it is. I really feel lost, I feel like deep down I know the best thing for EVERYONE, myself, my son and the girls would be to give them up, to a family that wants them and can take care of them, so I can take care of myself and my son. But I feel like my heart is breaking, and I don't know if I could ever hand them over. Am I being selfish in thinking of my son and myself ??? Will I ever be able to make a decision ??? This is the most horrible thing I've ever had to go through. Please help if you have any advice. Thank you.
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I am crying with joy! How wonderful for all concerned!! What a wonderful story you have to share--a ministry some day--with other women who are faced with this awesome and terrifying choice. I can just see you standing in front of groups of young women or other youth groups, etc., and having soooo much to share!! God bless you, my dear, and all your family!!
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karsonsmom
Maybe the answer has come and you just haven't "heard" God. I want to tell you something that alot of women would be infuriated to hear or read: Your marriage shouldn't be over (if he does decide to return to you and his family) just because of this affair and it is what "most women" would say they would do (I wouldn't put up with some man cheating on me-kind of thing). I'm not suggesting that you put up with a man who CONTINUES to cheat, but I do know couples who have managed to overcome this. Is there NO way to get counseling for your marriage? I would really love to see you spending more time thinking of ways to make that work, and if it won't, ways to make it work with you keeping your babies, instead of what appears to be quite a bit of planning for the adoption. So many of these women have posted things that should give you true pause: Your situation could change at any moment. Perhaps it would change the very hour you relinquished your babies. Maybe it won't. I can tell you exactly what sort of things I would be doing, as I did parent my son alone (not married, but did have wonderful family) and poor when he was born 21 years ago. I understand struggle, but as I lay there waiting on the birth of those babies, I would have the phone book beside me calling every single agency I could possibly find to beg for help. I would walk right up to the front of my church congregation on Sunday morning and say, "I am going to have to put these babies, whom I already love, up for adoption because my husband has run off. If there is anything anyone of you could do to help me raise these 3 precious children, I would be forever grateful. We need housing, clothes, diapers, and people willing to help me rock and change diapers. In a few years, if things don't look up, I'm going to need bigger clothes for them and school supplies. Please pray for us and if you are so led to do anything beyone that, I thank you." I PROMISE you that you will be very surprised at how many people will help you, through God's grace and guidance. And I am praying for you now. If you do decide on adoption, I am not judging you at all. That is often the most loving choice. But I feel in my heart that you have already heard the "Answer", you are just (understandably) afraid of the answer. Hugs and love and kisses.
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HELLO THERE, I really feel for you,it really cant be easy for you to decided which way to go.I have 2 sons from a very violent relationship and needed to get and and i did.Now i am married to the perfect gentleman and we so much wanted to have a baby or even two,and then found out i cant have anymore children.So my friend if you can hold on to what you have got,then do so as there are people out there who would love nothing more than to give a loving perfect home to a baby.If you do feel that is the only way then why dont you try to find a friend or relation who would bring your little ones up so you could see them when ever you wished and be part of there life,As i guess the hardest part is letting them go and knowing you would never see them again.If i had a friend or family member i would love to do that for them.well good luck in what ever you decide and if you need to talk feel free to email me.bye for now Alison
lilaustinsmommy
Hey Everyone. I'm really hoping I can get some good advice and insight from this forum. My situation is that of a soap opera and I'm running out of time. I am 26 years old, married and have a 3 year old son. I got pregnant, planned, in November and found out my husband and I were expecting twins. This was a complete shock to us, but over time we got adjusted to the idea. Well, in retrospect I got adjusted to the idea. My husband just started having an affair with a co-worker. I found out about the affair in March, and my husband kept promising me it was over and he picked our family and he was done with her. We started counciling and I thought things were better. Well this of course was not true and we've got to the point where he left, without leaving, just not really coming home. I'm staying with my parents and he's staying at her place, unless it's his days to have our son, then he's at our old house. I am due to have the babies the 3rd week of July so I'm hoping to have 10 weeks yet of time to make the hardest decision I'll ever have to make in my life. Parent 3 children, 2 of which are twins by myself, with little to no income, depending on my husbands child support to pay my rent, and having the logistical problem of 1 person 3 children. My biggest fears are just not being able to do it, literally, I have 3 children that need me at the same moment and I'm only one person, I can't meet all their needs. Of course financially is a huge thing. I know that there are government programs to help, but it will be me, not anyone else, having to live in government housing, which where I live are slums, having to recertify every 6 months for all programs, go from government program to government program FOREVER. I'm worried about my mental status through all of this, Having to work 2 jobs just to scrape by stretched to my breaking point, tired all of the time and never even really spending time with them because of everything else I will have to do. My husband wants to keep the babies, of course he does. He wants everything. He wants to have his girlfriend, have his son on "his days" and get to come visit his twin girls when it's convenient for him...however the closer it gets to time the more open to adoption he is becoming. We are having a meeting with a counselor from a non-profit agency this weekend so I can get some info. The #1 thing I hear from your posts says to research all your options, where can I find all this info to research. I feel like most stuff comes from an agency, and I'm a bit weary of just taking it as it is. I really feel lost, I feel like deep down I know the best thing for EVERYONE, myself, my son and the girls would be to give them up, to a family that wants them and can take care of them, so I can take care of myself and my son. But I feel like my heart is breaking, and I don't know if I could ever hand them over. Am I being selfish in thinking of my son and myself ??? Will I ever be able to make a decision ??? This is the most horrible thing I've ever had to go through. Please help if you have any advice. Thank you.