first meeting tips?

We were introduced to our son as Mama and Tata, of course since he had never had a family at all (abandoned at birth) I don't think he understood the concept. He thought those were our names. It took months for him to get it, then he decided we had kidnapped him. We gave him a new middle name and of course last name, he took that OK. we did not try to change his first name or our daughters. We felt like they already knew thier names. I know some people who have changed the names, some ask for the child's input to choose an American name, giving them a few to choose from. Some will start out calling the child by the old name followed by the new new name. Like if the name was Tom and you were changing it to Joe, you would start out calling the child Tom-Joe, and then after a while you could drop the Tom, or even since you are keeping thier names as middle names Joe-Tom for a time. Younger kids do seem to handle it better and some kids like the new start that goes with a new name. However, I know of one young man adopted from Ukraine at the age of 7 who simply refused the new name. He uses his old name. After a year of trying his family gave up on trying to change it. However his little brother from China who was only two at the time of his adoption took to his new name readily.

[FONT=Arial]Living in Poland you have a serious upper hand over the rest of us who had to travel. Good for you, you won֒t have the meet-the-children-while-seriously-jet-laggedђ problem![/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]The first meeting our boys were crazy ֖ I mean like ADHD twins wound up on espresso with a jolt chaser, excited, running in and out of the room, sitting in our laps or hiding in the corner, lying about having to go to the bathroom so they could get out and tell their friends they have a mama and tata, etc. You name it, they did it. It was like watching a pair of Tasmanian Devils.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]Now I֒m not saying it was horrible, just be ready for anything![/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]Part of our problem was that in the pre-meet-the-children meeting we got a lot of information and asked a lot of questions, but one thing we didnt ask was Җ When they act up in there Ӗ are you going to manage them, or shall we? We didnԒt know so when they were being obnoxious we let them, not knowing what the boundaries were. After about 20 minutes of this, I looked at the 6 other people in the room, and then at my husband and said, ֓Im over it.Ҕ as I went to the corner and pulled out one of the boys who was pouting about something ridiculous.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]Have a bottle of wine back at your hotel/apartment/house for when its over.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]When you go back for your second visit, lay out the new rules. Listen, obey, family voice, etc. And what youҒre going to do when they disobey. (Skip a turn, sit by you for 5 minutes to cool off, etc.)[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]*Family voice our boys were always super loud because that was the only way to be heard in the orphanage. They didn֒t know any different, and there was no difference between inside and outside voices. So we explained that now that they were in a family who was going to listen to them all the time, that they had to use a ֓family (quieter) voice.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]Upon introduction our driver told the boys they could call us ԓAuntie and Uncle, or ԓMama and Tata, and the boys chose right away to refer to us as ԓMama and Tata.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]New names Ԗ we still wanted Polish names for the boys, so we took Polish name books with us. Then as we were getting to know them we researched names. Once we had them in our apartment with us full time (after about 2 or 3 days) my husband would read stories to them from a Polish bible about the history of people who received new names after big changes happening in their lives.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]Then, AFTER the court hearing that said they were ours forever; we gave them their new names. They thought that was pretty cool, and agreed that the Mama and the Tata get to name their children. They also liked that Tom and JoeӔ (old names) had a hard time, a mom who was negligent, a missing father, a lot of neglect and confinement, etc. and that with their new names came a new life with a Mommy and Tata who were never going to leave them unprotected, uncared for, or unloved. THAT was a huge plus for these particular boys.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Arial]Now because we didn֒t have their new names picked out before having purchased their plane tickets, we did not have their names changed during that last hearing in Poland. Whatever name is on the plane ticket must match the name in the passport. So the tickets were purchased for ֓old first name, new last name because that was the change going on in that court room. If their ticket names were old and the passport names were new Ԗ that was not going to work. So they remain with their old names (legally) until July when our re-adoption hearing takes place here in AZ. Re-adoption is not required in AZ, but we are doing it because it has several benefits for the boys, one of which is it will allow us opportunity to change their names legally.[/FONT][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Ahh . . . getting ready to go ֖ Fun Fun Fun![/FONT]

I do need to add that I had forgotten, our very first visit with our son was a pre-visit. He did now know why we were there, just that we were visitors. He just called us Pan and Pani. (like mr. and Mrs.) but for the later visit when he had to leave with us, he was told we were mama and tata. He did not have an abusive first home so he did not have bad memories assosicated with his old life. This actually made it harder for him to adjust. He did not want to be adopted. He wanted to stay with his friends.

Thanks for all of the great advice! We have dates to meet the girls -- June 30!! The process is a bit compressed since we're in Poland, but we're really happy with that!

We kept our children's first names but gave them new middle names. Our two younger kids had names also used in the US, but our oldest (10 at the time) did not. On our way to Warsaw on our second trip, she announced herself as the American version of her Polish name. That wasn't going to work with us since it is a very, very old American name. Through our translator, our daughter was given the choice of using her Polish name, her Polish nickname, or the middle name we chose - she opted for the middle name. She then convinced our son (almost 3) that he also had to go by his middle name - and he'd correct me if I called him by his first name. That only last 3-4 months and he's back to his first name, though my husband calls him by both. Of all three of our kids, I would have preferred that our youngest daughter (then 4) use the middle name we gave her - but that never worked! Oh, well. Someone else had given us the same advice that momrained posted - call the child by his first and middle names and eventually drop the first name. The first meeting is awkward with everyone watching! Our two girls were fine, but our boy cried for a while until he got used to me. Our 4 year old left the room and I brought her back - she didn't appreciate that, but I decided she was going to follow my rules from the start. Be ready for the bathroom, too. Our son announced he had to go to the bathroom - no workers offered, so that meant that was my job right away! I tried to have the same rules from the start that we would have at home. My husband was more lenient and let the kids be louder/goofier in public than I would have liked (he's the opposite at home). Because our 10 year old knew what was happening, she called us Mama/Tata from the start. She told our younger ones we were M/T - I think they were skeptical. Best wishes!!!

The caregivers at the orphanage introduced us as Mama and Tata. Our girls were only 2 y.o. and had lived in the orphanage since birth, so I'm not sure it had any specific meaning. We used Mama and Tata which the girls quickly switched to Mama and Dada as our 5 y.o. son travelled with us and they heard him call us frequently. We did change their names, but kept there given names as their middle names. We used their first and middle name together. While M would answer to us using her new name her sister still called her by her nick name for about 2 months before she refused to answer her sister by unless the nick name was paired with her new name :) Everyone in the family still uses the two names together when one of the girls does not answer when you call her the first time :) Our first meeting was a bit akward as the girls were dressed up and brought into a strange room with people they never met. We sat on the floor and played with toys and waited for them to approach us. Favorite toys were anything musical, chalk and an easel, stacking blocks and a small blanket for peek-a-boo.