What Would You Do/How Would You Feel if Your Adoption was Closed?

I know I'd be making a trip to the psych ward. There is NO way I could get through something like that alone. I'd blame myself and wonder what I did and wonder what the heck was going to happen to my precious kiddo and what I had done to him by placing him with people that couldn't keep such an important promise.

I haven’t talked much about my situation since…well…since. Anyway, I would say that our adoption is pretty much closed at this point. Not totally closed, I know where they are, I can contact them if I want to (go to jail…) and I can email/chat any time they are online (they are on my friends list). But…times, they are a difficult. Above, I mentioned jail. Some how. Some where. A restraining order (unsubstantiated, too) was given. I believe a rural judge with a negative opinion of birth mothers saw no problem with ‘restraining’ me from contact, regardless of the reason. There was and still is no reason. I was simply the haven for my daughter and her mother when they left a very scary situation. Since I was the haven, I was the cause. Since I am the cause, I am dangerous. Since I am dangerous, I need restraining. See where I’m going here? Anyway – I’d say we’re pretty much closed up tighter than a Ski Chalet in July. I have humor now, because it’s all I have. What have I done since all this went down? Financed my shrinks new car Withdrawn from most things adoption related (on many levels) More than being angry/bitter with adoption (which I totally AM NOT) I am angry/bitter with the process that could have made all of this avoidable. I am angry/bitter at a man who is using his child (and dang it, my child too, even though I don’t raise her!) as a pawn in a bitter fight over (Insert this weeks MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME topic). I am angry/bitter at the fact that people don’t feel I have a right to be angry/bitter. This isn’t some transient relationship for us. She lived with me for months…she calls me mom…we have (or rather, had) a relationship. So…I’d say, I mostly just don’t care as much as I used to…because no one else cares, so why should I? I’ll be here when it’s her choice and she’s ready – it’s all I can do. Some mentally deranged man convinced some Bubba in a Rural court room that I am a threat to her…and as much as people want to say that judges DO NOT do this….I am living proof that they do. Anyone can be bought, if the price is right. I hope he gets what he wants. He is attempting to make her life so hellish, she’ll come live with him…I’m not the only constant in her life that’s been cut off. Oh, what a wicked web we weave… Yelch, sorry Jenna.

((((( Hugs )))))) <even tho they are absolutely worthless in this situation> Oh boy - no words...

Oh, Brandy, I'm so so sorry. No words, just many ((HUGS)).I'm so very sorry you're having to go through this :(.

It's ok - this is pretty much a few months old...it's no longer as accute as it used to be. Thanks tho :)

Months old or no, I am so sorry that it happens ever, to anyone. You may BE okay, but IT'S not okay. Ugh, I am just so, so, saddened by all of this.

Brandy, Wow. I had no idea you were going thru this. This situation is terrible! How you continue in your job during this time, being gracious and fair is beyond me. You are one strong, amazing woman!

Brandy - that is absolutely horrific. Especially after all you have done for that family during this tough time - you have been such a rock for them. I am sad for you, your family and M. It's just heartbreaking. To whoever said a non birthparent would think birthparents are crazy for saying they'd be devestated/admitted to the psych ward -As an aparent - I don't think devestation over an aparent shutting down an open adoption is anything but a normal reaction!! That doesn't make you crazy - that would make you HUMAN. What an awful thing to have to go through. There was a time when I worried about things closing down in our adoption - T kinda dropped off the face of the earth for us for a while. She had moved, didn't send us her new addy yet - changes phones constantly so no cell number (and they only use cell phones). Because of where she was at in her life, I was worried. Luckily that was brief. I would be really heartbroken if she did close things down. I consider her a friend so there is that part of it, but I would hate for what it would mean for my son. He deserves to be able to have his questions answered when/if he has them. He deserves to be able to have access to his entire identity. I think it would be much MUCH harder on a birthparent.

Brandy, There aren't even words, I'm so so sorry.

I am so sorry. That is awful. And you are so powerless!

Nope...not at all. It's cruel and heartless to know that someone can do something like that to a fellow mother. If you're going through this, I'm really, really sorry. (Same goes for you Brandy) I really hope for good things for you both.

I have been close to this. My therapist has wanted me to go. I kept telling her no. I had to sign a promise that if I wanted to do anything I would call her and go straight to the hospital. Brandy-- no words.

Brandy, Jenna, Opal and whoever else I missed, My heart is aching for you.

I wouldn't think this. At all. I could never begin to imagine the heartache. I am so sad for all of you who are going through this.

Having been on the side of having intensive counseling (not because I relinquished a child since I did not but for assorted other reasons) I know one thing... Needing intensive therapy/counseling does NOT mean you are crazy. It can be the right thing do at the time. In the end, for me, it saved my life. I hope anyone who reads this thread realizes this. And Brandy, I'm so sorry to read of what happened with M and her family. It sounds like a bad situation for all involved. Jenna, I'm thinking of you. I hope things get figured out...